He's a loser
on 10/26/20 5:00 pm
and I will be one soon. I took the last several days to get things lined up so I could move beyond this situation and get away from my husband. I know that I will not be successful or I will constantly battle him just to be healthy. I know he is controlling and I know I am not letting it continue. While he has been away I've been making plans and I decided to I to into this HR to talk to them about me being removed from his insurance plan and it appears that he told them we are divorcing and I took my own company insurance to make things go more smoothly. I swear it was at that time I realized yes, we will be getting a divorce. Without airing out dirty laundry I told her he was mistaken that I could get on my insurance since my open enrollment had passed and we are not yet divorced so there is no official "change in life events" She was very sweet and told me that if I am not insured and we are legally still married then she can file the paperwork to put me back on his insurance. My effective date will be retro since they take out for insurance ahead of time. That is the good news. I called the surgeon that I want to do my surgery and I spoke with the coordinator and said that I want to get this going as soon as possible what can I do to help speed this up. She gave me the items I need to get handled. I only have to have a consult with a psychologist and a nutritional counseling session and support group attendance (all are online at the present moment so that isn't an issue) They are going to reverify the insurance get everything documented one more time and then I can proceed through. I have a consult with the counselor next week. I have my nutritional counseling that same day. Right now if I can keep my mouth shut I will have surgery before Christmas. I am not telling him anything other than HR was able to get me back on the plan. I have a good friend who is going to take me to the hospital and let me stay with her afterward. While I feel guilty for not telling him I also feel like I HAVE to do it this way due to his controlling ways. Please don't think badly of me for not being up front with him but if I told him what I was planning he would somehow sabotage me all over.
I will keep you updated. He comes home tomorrow so I am really anxious.
This is wonderful news. I am so glad that you did not just confront him and walk out the door the day that this happened. By calming down, not wasting your time fighting with him, and taking matters into your own hands, you now have a plan for success.
I am so happy that this is all working out for you.
Real life begins where your comfort zone ends
on 10/27/20 6:56 am
Yes and thank you so much for allowing me to vent here. I literally have no support from him and my twin and then when all this came up my sister was just as bad. I am excited and feel like this is really going to happen for me. I have to admit through the stress of all this I wasn't as prepared when it came to meals so I chose easy options and I can feel that I have to get that under control. I went shopping last night since he will be home today and I got what I need to ensure I can stay on target (I do have to lose 20lbs before surgery). Thank you again for all the support.
I am so glad you were able to get back on his insurance. I'm sorry, but he is such a piece of **** that I wish him nothing but misery and unhappiness for the rest of his life. He has balls to tell his HR that you two were getting divorced, yet turns around and says you two should have a baby. Shame on the HR for just taking his word without proper documentation.
Do you even have to tell him you are back on his insurance? Good luck and don't be anxious. Look at the awful stuff he has put you through. I hate people who think they can control others.
on 10/27/20 7:01 am
I agree with you about what he is. Soon I will be out of the relationship and I can move on. I do not have to tell him I am back on the insurance and I won't. The HR lady told me that she was going to handle getting this resolved by notifying them that I have/had no other insurance in place when asked for proof. And she did ask me for proof of other ins to document properly. When he finds out I am simply going to tell him that I can't go without medication and my insurance was not an option. I am also not telling him when I have surgery. I plan on having to go out of town for work during that time. I will have to shut my phone finder off because he is notorious for using that to find me. I am thankful I have friends that are willing to help me with this because if I did not I don't know how I would do this without his knowledge. I know it sounds crappy of me not to tell him but I don't think he deserves any decency from me after what he did. I feel guilty from time to time but get over it quickly for the most part.
I didn't tell ANYONE ( but my business partner/close friend who was kind enough to drive me to and fro from the hospital and visit me every day ) .
My family would not have approved either and would have shamed me forever ... its so much better this way.
(((())) huge hugs and wishing you the best of luck with your journey
on 10/27/20 7:02 am
Thank you and yes, he is. I am so happy I found a place and have people to talk to about this. It has been so hard and I am grateful that I can come here and not be judged.