He's a loser
on 10/27/20 7:11 am - Amarillo, TX
I have found that even when it's hard to hear stuff the people here have the best interest of the person/poster in heart.
I am super happy that you have the attitude you have. You deserve to be healthy and those people obviously don't have yours in mind. Keep on fighting for you and you'll do fantastically!
This is the sort of planning to do; good for you. Women should never leave in a huff, UNLESS they are in physical danger. Trust your instincts!
Don't forget to do your financial planning, you will need to file for separation immediately you leave because then you won't be responsible if he tries to run up debt.
Make sure you get enough money together to start a new life - rent, first and last etc.
Get documents together, birth certificate, wedding certificate, car titles, insurances, 401k, mortgage documents, leases. It's a chore to have to get those things once you've gone and you WILL need them.
Get together an emergency bag with a few clothes etc and leave them with a trusted friend in case you need to get out in a hurry. Assume the worst, expect the best.
Be stealthy, don't do anything that tips him off.
I'm so pleased for you that you've sorted out the insurance.
Good luck
Proud Feminist, Atheist, LGBT friend, and Democratic Socialist
Try to make sure expired IDs and essential ones like your passport and a few utility bills bank bills are also in that bag.
My ex took ALL my ID once ( he was also a GPS tracker grrr 
and it was incredibly inconvenient and took MONTHS to replace them all ( and passports can only be replaced once or twice in a LIFETIME - my current one is the LAST one 
)
DONT underestimate what hell do ( sabotage your car , try to mess you up at your job, destroy your reputation on social media ) . Its MUCH better to be safe than sorry . Change your passwords preemptively .
Figure out a way if possible to keep your car safe while you're at home and at work.
Understand he'll steal ALL your money he has any access to not just because guys almost always do that but because his lawyer will advise it ( if only to get a hefty retainer up front ) .
So make sure he has no access to anything that is yours ( and its better if the marital accumulated assets are all in your hands - you'll be much more fair in the long run with everyone and the lawyers won't get it all like if you fight ( which most guys choose to do out of frustration and anger ) .
If you control the assets , you can amicably and unexpensively negotiate a separation agreement and eventually a divorce with the help of an arbitrator . You can even go to the local library and get a free divorce package yourself and initiate the proceedings for a tiny $50 dollar or so filing fee. But don't do it until you have control !
This is ESPECIALLY important if you have children because you want them and you not to suffer financially and because you need to retain control so the controlling guy can't use them as pawns to force you back.
Please be safe. Leaving an abuser is always a risk, and if he finds out that you are being deceptive it could be scary. But I am so glad you are taking control of your life and doing what you need to do--just take every precaution as you do it.
- High Weight before LapBand: 200 (2008)
- High Weight before RNY: 160 (2015)
- Lowest post-op weight: 110 (2016)
- Maintenance Weight: 120 (2017-2019)
- Battling Regain Weight: 135 (current)
and I will be one soon. I took the last several days to get things lined up so I could move beyond this situation and get away from my husband. I know that I will not be successful or I will constantly battle him just to be healthy. I know he is controlling and I know I am not letting it continue. While he has been away I've been making plans and I decided to I to into this HR to talk to them about me being removed from his insurance plan and it appears that he told them we are divorcing and I took my own company insurance to make things go more smoothly. I swear it was at that time I realized yes, we will be getting a divorce. Without airing out dirty laundry I told her he was mistaken that I could get on my insurance since my open enrollment had passed and we are not yet divorced so there is no official "change in life events" She was very sweet and told me that if I am not insured and we are legally still married then she can file the paperwork to put me back on his insurance. My effective date will be retro since they take out for insurance ahead of time. That is the good news. I called the surgeon that I want to do my surgery and I spoke with the coordinator and said that I want to get this going as soon as possible what can I do to help speed this up. She gave me the items I need to get handled. I only have to have a consult with a psychologist and a nutritional counseling session and support group attendance (all are online at the present moment so that isn't an issue) They are going to reverify the insurance get everything documented one more time and then I can proceed through. I have a consult with the counselor next week. I have my nutritional counseling that same day. Right now if I can keep my mouth shut I will have surgery before Christmas. I am not telling him anything other than HR was able to get me back on the plan. I have a good friend who is going to take me to the hospital and let me stay with her afterward. While I feel guilty for not telling him I also feel like I HAVE to do it this way due to his controlling ways. Please don't think badly of me for not being up front with him but if I told him what I was planning he would somehow sabotage me all over.
I will keep you updated. He comes home tomorrow so I am really anxious.
awesome on you! You have got this! So happy that you can get your meds/ dr spots again.
you don't owe him anything ,not after he did to you. He hasn't been thinking about you and your needs at all, only his own needs.
mom so glad you are on your way to a better healthier happier life.
we've got your back!
