Siacor102’s Posts
White Dove you could be right in that she put that thought into his head. I am starting to realize that every time we discussed this option both were always present and both were not supportive and gave illogical reasons as to why I couldn't do it. I will check with the dr's office to see if I can speed anything up. It would be nice to have this done and then drop all my extra weight including the ex and sister.
Thank you so much. I am happy to say that since finding all of you I am feeling more confident that everything I am doing is RIGHT. Even if that means distancing myself from my family.
She does have a weight problem as well. I am sure it is in our genes. You could very well be right because she has always sided with him on everything. You would think she would be more supportive of me since we are not only sisters but twins. If that is her plan to move in on him once this is over, more power to her. He has money so it could very well be the case. She is divorced and not dating. Lives in a small apartment and has an older car. Nothing at all wrong with any of those things but compared to what she could have it makes sense. Thank you for the support I love reading your replies. I laugh and I need that.
So most of you know the story and its been a crazy and emotional week since the husband returned from his trip. I had taken much of the advice many of you gave and cautiously started planning on what I needed to do. As I stated in my last post I had a plan that I would stay with a friend when it came time to have surgery and I could easily keep things confidential about the surgery. My friend who I have known for years has my back but what I didn't count on was my twin causing more problems. While I did not tell her anything about my plans to move ahead with surgery (she was not supportive at all) she took it upon herself to tell my husband that he needed to be very aware of everywhere I go and what I do. She told him that she figured I would try to get back on his insurance and have the surgery behind his back. So, he went to HR and inquired about adding me back on to the plan (he had no intentions of that, he was using that as a way to see if I had made any moves on my own) and of course they told him they were in the process of finalizing the paperwork to get me back on. I have two people who literally are working against anything I do to get healthy and for that reason, I am going to be pursuing a divorce immediately. I had already taken most of the steps to ensure I was going to be ok after surgery so I am not worried about finances because I do have a job and I can get my own place. The main thing that is impacted is the ability to have surgery, again. I am going to take this as a minor set back. It is better that this happens now than after surgery and it throws me completely off. I will be on his insurance again for a short time until the divorce is final and that could be up to two months. I will get back on my own insurance for medications and routine office visits but surgery is out of the question. I have been numb since all this happened and I am not even living at my home right now. I am not in contact with my husband nor my sister. I am thankful to have friends that saw a need and immediately offered for me to stay with them until I get things lined out. I am also thankful that I am healthy enough to work and maintain on my own. I am having to deal with drama from the hubs on not speaking to him or letting him know where I am staying but oh well. The paralegal at the office said they should have papers to him by end of next week so to just continue with no contact until those are served. I will be won't be posting much over the next few weeks but I did want to update all of you who had offered such wonderful advice and showed concern.
I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I do hope to get back after things are settled and possibly approach this on my own but using the site for support if that is ok.
Lucy, thank you so much for asking. I am doing ok a lot has happened and I will post about that to bring anyone who is interested in knowing up to speed. Been a stressful week....
Thank you and yes, he is. I am so happy I found a place and have people to talk to about this. It has been so hard and I am grateful that I can come here and not be judged.
I agree with you about what he is. Soon I will be out of the relationship and I can move on. I do not have to tell him I am back on the insurance and I won't. The HR lady told me that she was going to handle getting this resolved by notifying them that I have/had no other insurance in place when asked for proof. And she did ask me for proof of other ins to document properly. When he finds out I am simply going to tell him that I can't go without medication and my insurance was not an option. I am also not telling him when I have surgery. I plan on having to go out of town for work during that time. I will have to shut my phone finder off because he is notorious for using that to find me. I am thankful I have friends that are willing to help me with this because if I did not I don't know how I would do this without his knowledge. I know it sounds crappy of me not to tell him but I don't think he deserves any decency from me after what he did. I feel guilty from time to time but get over it quickly for the most part.
Yes and thank you so much for allowing me to vent here. I literally have no support from him and my twin and then when all this came up my sister was just as bad. I am excited and feel like this is really going to happen for me. I have to admit through the stress of all this I wasn't as prepared when it came to meals so I chose easy options and I can feel that I have to get that under control. I went shopping last night since he will be home today and I got what I need to ensure I can stay on target (I do have to lose 20lbs before surgery). Thank you again for all the support.
and I will be one soon. I took the last several days to get things lined up so I could move beyond this situation and get away from my husband. I know that I will not be successful or I will constantly battle him just to be healthy. I know he is controlling and I know I am not letting it continue. While he has been away I've been making plans and I decided to I to into this HR to talk to them about me being removed from his insurance plan and it appears that he told them we are divorcing and I took my own company insurance to make things go more smoothly. I swear it was at that time I realized yes, we will be getting a divorce. Without airing out dirty laundry I told her he was mistaken that I could get on my insurance since my open enrollment had passed and we are not yet divorced so there is no official "change in life events" She was very sweet and told me that if I am not insured and we are legally still married then she can file the paperwork to put me back on his insurance. My effective date will be retro since they take out for insurance ahead of time. That is the good news. I called the surgeon that I want to do my surgery and I spoke with the coordinator and said that I want to get this going as soon as possible what can I do to help speed this up. She gave me the items I need to get handled. I only have to have a consult with a psychologist and a nutritional counseling session and support group attendance (all are online at the present moment so that isn't an issue) They are going to reverify the insurance get everything documented one more time and then I can proceed through. I have a consult with the counselor next week. I have my nutritional counseling that same day. Right now if I can keep my mouth shut I will have surgery before Christmas. I am not telling him anything other than HR was able to get me back on the plan. I have a good friend who is going to take me to the hospital and let me stay with her afterward. While I feel guilty for not telling him I also feel like I HAVE to do it this way due to his controlling ways. Please don't think badly of me for not being up front with him but if I told him what I was planning he would somehow sabotage me all over.
I will keep you updated. He comes home tomorrow so I am really anxious.
I am going to call HR tomorrow and let them know that I am uninsured and unable to obtain the insurance as expected and see what they say. I will also mention that the change in my status from insured with them to insured with my company did not take place. I am unsure where my HR is on their plan so I need to halt that if possible. The only other issue that comes up is if I leave him and set plans in place to divorce I will be off his plan again soon enough. So I guess I need to decide if I want to get back on his ins and stick around or get the hell out.
Mark is fit but could stand to lose some weight in his gut. Since he started traveling for work he has put on some weight but he takes it off easily. He was able to remove me from the insurance because it was open enrollment so it was not a red flag to his HR nor was it questioned as to why. He indicated to the HR admin that I had insurance at my work and that I was taking that. So yes, major dick move.
The last few days have been so glaringly obvious that I can't continue in this marriage and I want to RUN.
So the saga continues with the quest to get insurance in place so I can get my meds. The husband's insurance is done. I have no options to get back on that plan until open enrollment 2021. My insurance is working with me to get me on but they are going to have to discharge me and rehire me in order for the paperwork to match. This opens up a whole new can of worms for me because I have several years of seniority and I will lose that on paper which will affect how I accrue my benefits. At this time I am still losing weight, slowly. I am happy about that but I really think that it is more stress that is helping than anything else. My stomach is in constant knots worrying. Things with the husband are very strained on my part. He is overly attentive and trying to act like nothing is wrong but in reality, I am at a crossroads with him and our marriage. He even had the nerve to suggest we have a baby NOW. That is just another way for him to try to control me. I guess he forgot I have no insurance and I told him he doesn't have enough money in the bank to pay medical bills associated with pregnancy. He is on a business trip until next Tuesday and I have seriously thought of leaving every morning as I get ready for work. The urge to run and just be done is overwhelming because I am seeing so many things in our marriage that apparently I was blind to before.
I started some research Tuesday night about surgery in Mexico and paying cash. I have some 401k money I could pull out and use but I really do not want to do that. I could apply for care credit and I know I would be approved but if I am going to move on from this marriage I really need to save money that would go for payment on surgery. I was going to try White Dove's suggestion and just let it go but it seems to be eating me up more than I expected. Am I an idiot or what........
I am very appreciative of all the suggestions and will follow some of them. As for counseling, he will not go that is one of his controlling traits. No one needs to be a mediator between us when we have problems. Not that I don't think he isn't an asshole but going to someone for them to tell him is not going to happen. I'll have some time after tomorrow to think about things so I will start planning more for what I need to do in the coming weeks. That might include not pursuing surgery at this time but focusing on moving beyond this marriage.
Yes he is controlling and this has been an eye opener for me. While I have dealt with his controlling during our relationship (before and after marriage) this is just the icing. You are right he is sabotaging me and this would continue even after surgery as he mentioned to me one night that after I had surgery he was not going to not indulge in things he likes just because I can't and I told him that was fine. I would be ok without those things. I do believe he saw me really working towards this and not faltering and did what was within his means to stop my progress. I am waiting on his HR to call me back. Once I know more I will update again. Right now, I am just acting like the only goal is getting me back on the plan so I can get the meds I need and not the surgery. Also he is going on a business trip tomorrow so I will have a little breathing room while he is gone to think through things too.
Thank you. Yes he very controlling and this just took the cake. He didn't stop to think about anyone but himself and how he felt about me having surgery. While I did ask him how expected me to get meds after he canceled me on his plan he said he didn't think about. He figured I could get on my plan at work which is cheaper but that isn't the point. I will be doing what White Dove suggested so I can keep my mind focused on losing weight and hopefully I will hear back from his HR today.
Thank you for the input. In the end, he didn't lie to them. It was open enrollment and he just removed me from his plan and stated that I have other insurance (which I do, but not at that time). I have been in touch with his HR and without bringing up reasons why he did it I did ask if there is a way to get back on the plan since my open enrollment has passed and I cannot get on mine and my hubs just jumped the gun. I am waiting on a call back. While this won't change what he did if I can get back on it will wipe some of my anxiety away for the time being. Then I can start figuring out what to do about the other crap.
Thank you and I will. He is the biggest a-hole right now and I doubt I will ever encounter another.
That is one thing that I said to him is that he has left me with no insurance and no ability to get any of my regular prescriptions at this time. I still have to call my HR to find out if I can get on the insurance there since I have none, but if I can't I am royally screwed. This is the biggest issue that I have. His need for control or his inability to accept that I want to change drove him to this. I am not sure I can ever forgive him.
White dove your plan sounds like exactly what I need to do but I hope I CAN DO IT. I am so angry and hurt and yes, he did this on purpose. He saw that I was doing well and he couldn't use the bullying anymore so he took what he could.
I will say this, I will definitely think about what you said but right now I literally could just walk out the door. I do have a good job and I do have a family I have seen a side of him that I never thought I would. Do I really want that in my life?
I will keep you updated on what happens. If you hear of any missing husbands in Nevada.......
Bless you. I appreciate the continued support. I really need it now more than ever.
I had come here looking for support because I wanted to have surgery and I got some really great advice from many. As I had said in a few of my posts my husband was totally against me having surgery and I found out a few days ago that he has taken me off his insurance plan. He did it on purpose and he made sure I knew it had been done by sending me a copy of the open enrollment that removed me. I do have access to insurance at my place of employment but his plan is better and of course covered gastric surgery
I am totally pissed off and I have tried to maintain my composure over the last few days but to be honest I am about to lose my **** I was doing so well changing all of my eating habits and focusing on more activity and now I just feel defeated. I called his HR to find out if he could put me back on his plan and was told that no because they already know I have a certificate of insurance through my plan and I would have to wait until Oct 2021 to get back on.
I feel like he totally sabotaged me and since I found out I have literally been eating my feelings. I needed a place to vent and I am thankful I have here to do it but I guess I won't be having surgery anytime soon.
Our freezer is packed with meat as well since my husband loves to grill. I think we have some steaks and tenderloins in there as well as a few frozen meals that I have picked up here and there to help with my planning when meals are not on point for my goal. I have found some great bowls in healthy choice and lean cuisine that are low carb and filling. Those are only for times when the hubs has a meal planned that isn't going to work for me though. It has worked well but he does try to get me to try something and that ends up with us arguing.
Breakfast - cold brew coffee with sf torani, 2 eggs with chopped bell peppers and mozz cheese
Lunch - Chicken burger (not sure what else at this point)
Dinner - Hubs is grilling steaks so I will have a small one and probably a salad. He has baked potatoes planned and those are my favorite but I am doing my best to stay on track.
Good news is I am down almost 10 lbs. It seems like this last week I really dropped some.
If anyone sees any issues with my food choices please let me know. I want to have this down before I go in for surgery so it is second nature.
Can you tell me how the skinny ones taste compared to the torani? Those are the ones I have found locally but can definitely buy some more if they are good too.
Sugar free cookie dough sounds wonderful. I found a lot of flavors of Torani and I did get some more this weekend but now i need to find the cookie dough!!! Thanks for the suggestion.
