AnneGG’s Posts

AnneGG
on 7/15/20 8:27 am
Topic: RE: 10 years today!!!



10 successful years here! It's been beyond hard but worth every single second of doing battle (war?) with my brain. It has taken everything I've got and then some to work at managing myself lovingly, thoughtfully, and well, but OMG I can testify that it's been worth every single hard won step. My steps haven't at all been in a straight line, they have been full of mistakes and falls and ups and downs and detours, but I live by the realization that the main thing is to keep practicing and pushing forward because any skill takes forever constant practice in order to improve.

I've posted the following every 6 months for the last few years with a few modifications such as time out from surgery:

Height 5'3"

High weight: 230 lbs, BMI: 41

RNY 7/15/10

Weight for past 8½ years: 116-122 lbs, BMI: 20.3

What has been working for me with maintaining my weight loss, just me because everyone is different and needs to find their own path:

I acknowledged that surgery does not operate on the mind or the emotions.

I made a commitment to learning how to manage my mind rather than it managing me.

I looked for and have an excellent therapist who is kind, validating, insightful, skilled, and firm- he doesn't let me weasel.

I had accountability buddies for the first two years. They didn't let me weasel either.

I have sought out and seek whatever other support I could and can find and put it to use.

What I'm practicing and will have to work on forever:

Keeping my feet moving literally and figuratively no matter what, no excuses, no vacations, no matter what I feel like or am thinking or how much my head is having a temper tantrum or what my life cir****tances are.

Embracing the challenge as an opportunity.

The work begins with me and is solely up to me, my responsibility, my choice.

Motivation doesn't happen waiting for it.

It takes commitment, determination, consistency, and perseverance over time. Mindfulness, one day, sometimes one minute, sometimes one second at a time.

Staying focused on goals and concrete results even when I forget what they are and have to operate on blind faith stumbling forward.

Making mistakes part of my music.

Being gentle and forgiving of myself when I slip.

Forgiving myself lots (did I say lots?) for being an imperfect human.

My journey:

Has it been the hardest work I've ever done? Oh, my good lord, yes. Has it been the most worthwhile? Yes, beyond yes, way way way beyond yes.

Have I been perfect? Far from. It's been a process of learning and practicing and keeping in front of my nose that it takes only one more time to get up than I fall down.

Since childhood I have been an addict with seeking short term destructive self comforting. My family and my childhood were deeply painful. Thank heavens I never got hooked on drugs. I smoked as a teenager until 1990. I've flirted with alcoholism a couple of times. I struggle with impulsive spending. I struggle with depression and anxiety and destructive negative thinking. OMG I fight my addiction to self pity. Eating is my true addiction. My partner says cookbooks are my porn.

My recovery is my highest priority and has been for many years including way before surgery. Working it has gotten easier over time because working with myself constructively is now mostly what I just do. I struggle to practice self compassion. I know I can fall off the wagon in a nanosecond. I practice not beating myself up if I make a mistake. The trick has been catching myself as soon as possible if I do slip.

*****************************************************************

Very important: I need to emphasize that the following has been only since getting to goal weight and that I developed my maintenance program very gradually, experimenting with where I could be flexible yet not tip myself over into self sabotage. Before I got to goal weight and for a year afterwards I followed the rules absolutely.

*****************************************************************

What I have done and do since beginning maintenance (the hitting me in the face cold reality of maintenance scared the bejesus out of me):

I weigh myself daily since getting to goal weight and keep myself within a 5 pound margin. I hate hate hate doing the work of losing 2 pounds let alone lots of weight.

I exercise a lot. Exercise is the cornerstone of my program and I build my day around it. I speed walk at least 2½ miles daily (I figure I've crossed the country coast to coast at least three times since I started walking six months before surgery) plus hike and bike and work at having working out being more than good intention. Before surgery I hated to exercise. Starting six months before surgery I consistently dragged my screaming head out the door, now it's mostly habit and I just do it though I still have to argue with myself sometimes. I like how I feel when I'm done plus it makes managing my eating easier because my headset is clearer.

I eat healthy most of the time and pretty much what I want, focusing on balance and moderation. I eat on a mostly regular schedule. I've learned what works for me regarding how much and what to eat when. I have pretty much learned when I can't eat a bite more or there's hell to pay, thanks to the blessing of my small tummy. I still dump sometimes, especially with fat and sugar together, ice cream being my drug of choice. I'll never learn.

I get regular medical follow up and with my doctor's OK since maintenance use my blood results to determine the vitamins I take beyond my daily multivitamin and calcium and iron. For years I haven't needed to take more vitamins except for potassium and magnesium for leg cramps.

I take medication for my depression and anxiety- I call it eyeglasses for my soul.

I keep myself very active and occupied out in the world.

What I don't and won't do: Log my intake, count calories and protein grams, measure portions, drink protein shakes or not drink during meals. I would much rather, as in totally rather, exercise and eat right than do those things.

Results:

My increasingly poor health including mental was the reason I had RNY and improving it has been my main driving force. I want to stay on the right side of the grass. My current size is a much appreciated secondary benefit.

I'm now in excellent health with all of my co-morbid conditions handled- breast cancer (which my oncologist says was likely related to my obesity) now 10 years cancer free, severe GERD, huge hiatal hernia corrected during my bypass surgery, Barrett's esophagus, cholecystectomy for gallstones, high cholesterol, stress incontinence. My chronic conditions have not worsened (osteopenia) and one incurable condition is cured (Barrett's).

I have self esteem and self confidence and I'm very proud of myself for maintaining my program over time. My attention is now outside myself rather than inside me curled up in a fetal position with self consciousness.

My relationships beginning with me with me are a lot better and more rewarding and a lot more fun. I like being called small.

I like living in my baggy skin.

My deepest gratitude goes to the people in my life who have had my back and have been cheering me on, including here on OH. I couldn't have done or be doing this alone no way no how.

If I could say anything to all of you, it would be just do the work, do it like your life depends on it because it does. Simple but not easy, but OMG the payoff.

Don't give complacency even the tiniest opening- keep the pain green. Please consider that bounce back is not a given. Please consider that regain is not a certainty. Thinking these things gives our heads permission to believe them and our behavior to act accordingly. Plus they are truly absolutely not true.

Self vigilance and discipline were not and are not and never will be by any means my favorite things to do but I do know I must not give my mind any room to weasel. Period. Surgery truly does not operate on our heads or emotions.

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 7/20/19 7:45 pm
Topic: RE: 9 years today!!!

Yes, you can do it, but beating yourself up sure doesn't help. Please be kind and firm with yourself and work at it one day, sometimes one second at a time.

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 7/15/19 2:39 pm
Topic: RE: 9 years today!!!

Cross post:

9 years of lots of tears and lots of cheers here- what a trip it's been!

I've posted the following every 6 months for the last few years with a few modifications such as time out from surgery. Except the margin of weight I allow myself has increased two pounds in the past year. That doesn't sound like much but obviously it is not a good thing to keep expanding. The past year and a half has been the happiest of my life and I've discovered for me that being happy makes it harder to deal with my eating and weight than being unhappy, I'm not sure why. Probably I'm relaxing which makes me less vigilant. I just want to enjoy life. Lord I hate the weight struggle but I do recognize that no matter how I feel I have to keep on keeping on.

Height 5'3"

High weight: 230 lbs, BMI: 41

RNY 7/15/10

Weight for past 7 years: 116- now 122 lbs, BMI: now 20.3

What has been working for me with maintaining my weight loss, just me because everyone is different and needs to find their own path:

I took "surgery does not operate on the mind" deeply to heart. I made a commitment to learning how to manage my mind rather than it managing me.

I looked for and have an excellent therapist who is kind, validating, insightful, skilled, and firm- he doesn't let me weasel.

I had accountability buddies for the first two years. They didn't let me weasel either.

I have sought out and seek whatever other support I could and can find and put it to use.

What I'm practicing and will have to work on forever:

Embracing the challenge as an opportunity.

The work begins with me and is solely up to me, my responsibility, my choice.

Commitment, determination, consistency, perseverance over time.

Motivation doesn't happen waiting for it.

Mindfulness, one day, sometimes one minute, sometimes one second at a time.

Staying focused on goals and concrete results even when I forget what they are and have to operate on blind faith stumbling forward.

Keeping my feet moving literally and figuratively no matter what, no excuses, no vacations, no matter what I feel like or am thinking or how much my head is having a temper tantrum or what my life cir****tances are.

Forgiving myself lots (did I say lots?) for being an imperfect human.

My journey:

Has it been the hardest work I've ever done? Oh, my good lord, yes. Has it been the most worthwhile? Yes, beyond yes, way way way beyond yes.

Have I been perfect? Far from. It's been a process of learning and practicing and keeping in front of my nose that it takes only one more time to get up than I fall down.

Since childhood I have been an addict with seeking short term destructive self comforting. My family and my childhood were deeply painful. Thank heavens I never got hooked on drugs. I smoked as a teenager until 1990. I've flirted with alcoholism a couple of times. I struggle with impulsive spending. I have struggled with depression and anxiety and destructive negative thinking. Eating is my true addiction. My partner says cookbooks are my porn.

My recovery is my highest priority and has been for many years including way before surgery. Working it has gotten easier over time because working with myself constructively is now mostly what I just do. I know I can fall off the wagon in a nanosecond. I practice not beating myself up if I make a mistake. The trick has been catching myself as soon as possible if I do slip.

*****************************************************************

Very important: I need to emphasize that the following has been only since getting to goal weight and that I developed my maintenance program very gradually, experimenting with where I could be flexible yet not tip myself over into self sabotage. Before I got to goal weight and for a year afterwards I followed the rules absolutely.

*****************************************************************

What I have done and do since beginning maintenance (the hitting me in the face cold reality of maintenance scared the bejesus out of me):

I weigh myself daily since getting to goal weight and keep myself within a 5 pound margin. I hate hate hate doing the work of losing 2 pounds let alone lots of weight.

I exercise exercise exercise. Exercise is the cornerstone of my program and I build my day around it. I speed walk at least 2½ miles daily (I figure I've crossed the country coast to coast at least three times since I started walking six months before surgery) plus hike and bike and work at having working out being more than good intention.

Before surgery I hated to exercise. Starting six months before surgery I consistently dragged my screaming head out the door, now it's mostly habit and I just do it though I still have to argue with myself sometimes. I like how I feel when I'm done plus it makes managing my eating a lot easier because my headset is clearer.

I eat healthy most of the time and pretty much what I want, avoiding sugar and processed food for the most part. I eat on a mostly regular schedule. I've learned what works for me regarding how much and what to eat when. I have pretty much learned when I can't eat a bite more or there's hell to pay, thanks to the blessing of my small tummy. I still dump miserably especially with fat and sugar together, ice cream is my drug of choice, I'll never learn.

I get regular medical follow up and with my doctor's OK since maintenance use my blood results to determine the vitamins I take beyond my daily multivitamin and calcium and iron. For years I haven't needed to take more vitamins except for potassium and magnesium for leg cramps.

I keep myself very active and occupied out in the world.

What I don't and won't do: Log my intake, count calories, measure portions, drink protein shakes or not drink during meals. I would much rather, as in totally rather, exercise and eat right than do those things.

Results:

My increasingly poor health including mental was the reason I had RNY and improving it has been my main driving force. I want to stay on the right side of the grass. My current size is a much appreciated secondary benefit.

I'm now in excellent health with all of my co-morbid conditions handled- breast cancer (which my oncologist says was likely related to my obesity), severe GERD, huge hiatal hernia corrected during my bypass surgery, Barrett's esophagus, cholecystectomy for gallstones, high cholesterol, stress incontinence. My chronic conditions have not worsened (osteopenia) and one incurable condition is cured (Barrett's).

I have self esteem and self confidence and I'm very proud of myself for maintaining my program over time. My attention is now outside myself rather than inside me curled up in a fetal position with self consciousness.

My relationships beginning with me with me are better and more rewarding and a lot more fun. I'm in a relationship with a wonderful man.

I like being called small.

I like living in my baggy skin.

My deepest gratitude goes to the people in my life who have had my back and have been cheering me on, including here on OH. I couldn't have done or be doing this alone no way no how.

If I could say anything to all of you, it would be just do the work, just do it like your life depends on it because it does. Simple but not easy, but OMG the payoff.

Don't give complacency even the tiniest opening. Please consider that bounce back is not a given. Please consider that regain is not a certainty. Thinking these things gives our heads permission to believe them and our behavior to act accordingly and they are truly absolutely not true.

Self vigilance and discipline were not and are not by any means my favorite things to do but I do know I must not give my mind room to weasel. Period. Surgery truly does not operate on our heads. I must do the work if I want the results.

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 1/15/19 4:56 pm
Topic: RE: 8½ years of lots of tears and lots of cheers here- what a trip it?s been!

I've posted the following every 6 months for the last couple of years with a few modifications such as time out from surgery. Except the margin of weight I allow myself has increased two pounds in the past six months. That doesn't sound like much but obviously it is not a good thing to keep expanding. The past year has been the happiest of my life and I've discovered for me that being happy makes it harder to deal with my eating and weight than being unhappy, I'm not sure why. Probably I'm relaxing which makes me less vigilant. I just want to enjoy life. Lord I hate the weight struggle but I do recognize that no matter how I feel I have to keep on keeping on.

Height 5'3"

High weight: 230 lbs, BMI: 41

RNY 7/15/10

Weight for past 7 years: 116- now 122 lbs, BMI: now 20.3

What has been working for me with maintaining my weight loss, just me because everyone is different and needs to find their own path:

I took "surgery does not operate on the mind" deeply to heart. I made a commitment to learning how to manage my mind rather than it managing me.

I looked for and have an excellent therapist who is kind, validating, insightful, skilled, and firm- he doesn't let me weasel.

I had accountability buddies for the first two years. They didn't let me weasel either.

I have sought out and seek whatever other support I could and can find and put it to use.

What I'm practicing and will have to work on forever:

Embracing the challenge as an opportunity.

The work begins with me and is solely up to me, my responsibility, my choice.

Commitment, determination, consistency, perseverance over time.

Motivation doesn't happen waiting for it.

Mindfulness, one day, sometimes one minute, sometimes one second at a time.

Staying focused on goals and concrete results even when I forget what they are and have to operate on blind faith stumbling forward.

Keeping my feet moving literally and figuratively no matter what, no excuses, no vacations, no matter what I feel like or am thinking or how much my head is having a temper tantrum or what my life cir****tances are.

Forgiving myself lots (did I say lots?) for being human.

My journey:

Has it been the hardest work I've ever done? Oh, my good lord, yes. Has it been the most worthwhile? Yes, beyond yes, way way way beyond yes.

Have I been perfect? Far from. It's been a process of learning and practicing and keeping in front of my nose that it takes only one more time to get up than I fall down.

I have been an addict since childhood with seeking short term destructive self comforting. My family and my childhood were deeply painful. Thank heavens I never got hooked on drugs. I smoked as a teenager until 1990. I've flirted with alcoholism a couple of times. I struggle with impulsive spending. I have struggled with depression and anxiety and destructive negative thinking. Eating is my true addiction. My partner says cookbooks are my porn.

My recovery is my highest priority and has been for many years including way before surgery. Working it has gotten easier over time because working with myself constructively is now mostly what I just do. I know I can fall off the wagon in a nanosecond. I practice not beating myself up if I make a mistake. The trick has been catching myself as soon as possible if I do slip.

*****************************************************************

Very important: I need to emphasize that the following has been only since getting to goal weight and that I developed my maintenance program very gradually, experimenting with where I could be flexible yet not tip myself over into self sabotage. Before I got to goal weight and for a year afterwards I followed the rules absolutely.

*****************************************************************

What I have done and do since beginning maintenance (the hitting me in the face cold reality of maintenance scared the bejesus out of me):

I weigh myself daily since getting to goal weight and keep myself within a 5 pound margin. I hate hate hate doing the work of losing 2 pounds let alone lots of weight.

I exercise exercise exercise. Exercise is the cornerstone of my program and I build my day around it. I speed walk at least 2½ miles daily (I figure I've crossed the country coast to coast at least three times since I started walking six months before surgery) plus hike and bike and work at having working out being more than good intention.

Before surgery I hated to exercise. Starting six months before surgery I consistently dragged my screaming head out the door, now it's mostly habit and I just do it though I still have to argue with myself sometimes. I like how I feel when I'm done plus it makes managing my eating a lot easier because my headset is clearer.

I eat healthy most of the time and pretty much what I want, avoiding sugar and processed food for the most part. I eat on a mostly regular schedule. I've learned what works for me regarding how much and what to eat when. I have pretty much learned when I can't eat a bite more or there's hell to pay, thanks to the blessing of my small tummy.

I get regular medical follow up and with my doctor's OK since maintenance use my blood results to determine the vitamins I take beyond my daily multivitamin and calcium and iron. For years I haven't needed to take more vitamins except for potassium and magnesium for leg cramps.

I keep myself very active and occupied out in the world.

What I don't and won't do: Log my intake, count calories, measure portions, drink protein shakes or not drink during meals. I would much rather, as in totally rather, exercise and eat right than do those things.

Results:

My increasingly poor health including mental was the reason I had RNY and improving it has been my main driving force. I want to stay on the right side of the grass. My current size is a much appreciated secondary benefit.

I'm now in excellent health with all of my co-morbid conditions handled- breast cancer (which my oncologist says was likely related to my obesity), severe GERD, huge hiatal hernia corrected during my bypass surgery, Barrett's esophagus, cholecystectomy for gallstones, high cholesterol, stress incontinence. My chronic conditions have not worsened (osteopenia) and one incurable condition is cured (Barrett's).

I have self esteem and self confidence and I'm very proud of myself for maintaining my program over time. My attention is now outside myself rather than inside me curled up in a fetal position with self consciousness.

My relationships beginning with me with me are better and more rewarding and a lot more fun. I'm in a relationship with a wonderful man.

I like being called small.

I like living in my baggy skin.

My deepest gratitude goes to the people in my life who have had my back and have been cheering me on, including here on OH. I couldn't have done or be doing this alone no way no how.

If I could say anything to all of you, it would be just do the work, just do it like your life depends on it because it does. Simple but not easy, but OMG the payoff.

Don't give complacency even the tiniest opening. Please consider that bounce back is not a given. Please consider that regain is not a certainty. Thinking these things gives our heads permission to believe them and our behavior to act accordingly and they are truly absolutely not true.

Self vigilance and discipline was not and are not by any means my favorite things to do but I do know I must not give my mind room to weasel. Period. Surgery truly does not operate on our heads. I must do the work if I want the results.

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 12/26/18 7:09 pm
Topic: RE: 10 years out today.

Hey, grrlfriend, we're all in this together. Sometimes good days, sometimes bad days, but we shall get up one more time than we fall. And we shall learn to do this, yes we shall.

Almost 8½ years and tears and cheers here.

We got this.

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 12/26/18 6:32 pm
Topic: RE: 5 year surgiversary - life is better, but food is still a struggle...

Please consider bounce back is not a given. Thinking that gives our heads permission to believe that and it truly is not true. Self vigilance was and is not by any means my favorite thing but I do know I must not give my mind room to weasel. Period. Surgery unfortunately does not operate on our heads.

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 12/26/18 6:25 pm
Topic: RE: 5 year surgiversary - life is better, but food is still a struggle...

Bless you, please don't ever ever go to thinking you don't have much to contribute. Simply not true.

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 12/26/18 6:22 pm
Topic: RE: 5 year surgiversary - life is better, but food is still a struggle...

Almost (in 2 weeks) 8½ years here, I deeply feel and profoundly know your struggle. Especially the struggle to not get complacent no matter what one second at a time. No matter what. Every single day, every single second, no matter what I feel like or what my head is pulling me towards or what is going on with my life.

Bless you for persevering. Sobriety is a ***** of a challenge.

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 7/17/18 2:36 pm
Topic: RE: Woot! 8 years today!!!

WOW to you ! Amazing work on your part!

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 7/17/18 6:22 am
Topic: RE: Woot! 8 years today!!!

Thanks for your congrats! And congrats for taking such a huge step taking care of yourself!

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 7/17/18 6:18 am
Topic: RE: 10 Year Surgiversary!!

Thanks for being an inspiration!

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 7/16/18 12:41 pm
Topic: RE: Woot! 8 years today!!!

Lordy, empathy in spades. Congratulations to you!

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 7/16/18 12:39 pm
Topic: RE: Woot! 8 years today!!!

Congratulations to you! We got this!

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 7/15/18 9:17 am
Topic: RE: Woot! 8 years today!!!

Congratulations to you, too! We got each others back!

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 7/15/18 7:21 am
Topic: RE: After nearly seven years, still amazed at what I can do!

You look wonderful! 8 years here- isn't it a trip?

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 7/15/18 6:48 am
Topic: RE: Woot! 8 years today!!!

Height 5'3"
High weight: 230 lbs, BMI: 41
RNY 7/15/10
Weight for past 6½ years: 116-120 lbs, BMI: 20

What has been working for me with maintaining my weight loss, just me because everyone is different and needs to find their own path:

I took "surgery does not operate on the mind" deeply to heart. I made a commitment to learning how to manage my mind rather than it managing me.

I looked for and have an excellent therapist who is kind, validating, insightful, skilled, and firm- he doesn't let me weasel.

I had accountability buddies for the first two years. They didn't let me weasel either.

I have sought out and seek whatever other support I could and can find and put it to use.

What I'm practicing and will have to work on forever:

Embracing the challenge as an opportunity.

The work begins with me and is solely up to me, my responsibility, my choice.

Motivation doesn't happen waiting for it.

Commitment, determination, consistency, perseverance over time.

Mindfulness, one day, sometimes one minute, sometimes one second at a time.

Staying focused on goals and concrete results even when I forget what they are and have to operate on blind faith stumbling forward.

Keeping my feet moving literally and figuratively no matter what, no excuses, no vacations, no matter what I feel like or am thinking or how much my head is having a temper tantrum or what my life cir****tances are.

Forgiving myself lots (did I say lots?) for being human.

Keep on keeping on doing what works.

My journey:

Has it been the hardest work I've ever done? Oh, my good lord, yes. Has it been the most worthwhile? Yes, beyond yes, way way way beyond yes.

Have I been perfect? Far from. It's been a process of learning and practicing and keeping in front of my nose that it takes only one more time to get up than I fall down.

I have been an addict since childhood with seeking short term destructive self comforting. My family and my childhood were deeply painful. Thank heavens I never got hooked on drugs. I smoked as a teenager until 1990. I've flirted with alcoholism a couple of times. I struggle with impulsive spending. I have struggled with depression and anxiety and destructive negative thinking. Eating is my true addiction. My partner says cookbooks are my porn.

My recovery is my highest priority and has been for many years including way before surgery. Working it has gotten easier over time because working with myself constructively is now mostly what I just do. I know I can fall off the wagon in a nanosecond. I practice not beating myself up if I make a mistake. The trick has been catching myself as soon as possible if I do slip.

Very important: I need to emphasize that the following has been only since getting to goal weight and that I developed my maintenance program very gradually, experimenting with where I could be flexible yet not tip myself over into self sabotage. Before I got to goal weight I followed the rules absolutely.

What I have done and do since beginning maintenance (the hitting me in the face cold reality of maintenance scared the bejesus out of me):

I weigh myself daily since getting to goal weight and keep myself within a 4 pound margin. I hate hate hate doing the work of losing lots of weight.

I exercise exercise exercise. Exercise is the cornerstone of my program and I build my day around it. I speed walk at least 2½ miles daily (I figure I've crossed the country coast to coast at least three times since I started walking six months before surgery) plus hike and bike and work at having working out being more than good intention. Before surgery I hated to exercise. Starting six months before surgery I consistently dragged my screaming head out the door, now it's habit and I just do it. I like how I feel when I'm done plus it makes managing my eating a lot easier because my headset is clearer.

I eat healthy most of the time and pretty much what I want, avoiding sugar and processed food for the most part. I eat on a mostly regular schedule. I've learned what works for me regarding how much and what to eat when. I have pretty much learned when I can't eat a bite more or there's hell to pay thanks to the blessing of my small tummy.

I get regular medical follow up and and since maintenance use my blood results to determine the vitamins I take beyond my daily multivitamin and calcium and iron. For years I haven't needed to take vitamins beyond my daily multivitamin and calcium and iron plus potassium and magnesium for leg cramps.

I keep myself very active and occupied out in the world.

What I don't and won't do:

Log my intake, count calories, measure portions, drink protein shakes or not drink during meals. I would much rather, as in totally rather, exercise and eat right than do those things,

Results:

My health including mental was the reason I had RNY and improving it has been my main driving force. I want to stay on the right side of the grass. My size is a much appreciated secondary benefit.

I'm now in excellent health with all of my co-morbid conditions (breast cancer, severe GERD, huge hiatal hernia corrected during my bypass surgery, Barrett's esophagus, cholecystectomy for gallstones, high cholesterol, stress incontinence) handled. My chronic conditions have not worsened (osteopenia) and one incurable condition is cured (Barrett's).

I have self esteem and self confidence. My attention is now outside myself rather than inside me curled up in a fetal position with self consciousness.

My relationships beginning with me with me are better and more rewarding and a lot more fun. I'm in a relationship with a wonderful man.

I like being called small.

I like living in my baggy skin.

If I could say anything to you, it would be just do the work, just do it like your life depends on it because it does. Simple but not easy, but OMG the payoff.

My deepest gratitude goes to the people in my life who have had my back and have been cheering me on, including here on OH. I couldn't have done or be doing this alone no way no how.

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 3/3/18 10:09 am
Topic: RE: 7½ years out, 6 years successful maintenance! Woot!

OMG therapy and every kind of support have been essential for me with learning compassion for myself and learning new behaviors! My suggestion would be to keep trying until you find someone you feel you can work with. I need someone who is firm with me, otherwise I will weasel. I'm a congenital weasel.

i did follow the rules rigidly until I got to goal weight, then I gradually eased up over time making sure that whatever I did supported my health and didn't tip me over into self sabotage.

Good luck with your surgery- may you work it well! It's the best thing I've ever done for myself but I've had to work my ass off keeping it small. That's the trick- do the work over time each day at a time.

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 3/2/18 7:06 am, edited 3/5/18 5:20 am
Topic: RE: 7½ years out, 6 years successful maintenance! Woot!

Cross post:

My story, I hope it might be helpful:

Height 5 feet 3 inches
High weight: 230 lbs, BMI: 41
RNY 7/15/10
Weight for past 6 years: 115-120 lbs, BMI: 20

What has been working for me with maintaining my weight loss, just me because everyone is different and needs to find their own path:

I took 'surgery does not operate on the mind' to heart.
I made a commitment to learning how to manage my mind rather than it managing me.
I looked for and have an excellent therapist who is kind, validating, insightful, skilled, and firm- he does not let me weasel.
I have sought out and seek whatever other support I could and can find and put it to use.

What I am practicing and will have to work on forever:
Accepting the challenge.
The work begins with me and is up to me to do.
Motivation does not happen waiting for it.
Commitment, determination, consistency, perseverance over time.
Staying focused on goals and concrete results.
Keeping my feet moving literally and figuratively no matter what, no excuses, no vacations, no matter what I feel like or am thinking or want to do.
Mindfulness, one day, sometimes one minute, at a time.
Keeping on keeping on doing what works.

Has it been the hardest work I have ever done? Oh, yes. Has it been worthwhile? Yes, beyond yes, way way way beyond yes.

Have I been perfect? Far from. It has been a process of learning and practicing and keeping in front of my nose that it takes only one more time to get up than I fall down. I acknowledge I have been an addict since childhood with seeking short term destructive self comforting. Eating is my deepest addiction. Thank heavens I never got hooked on drugs. I smoked as a teenager until 1990. I have flirted with alcoholism a couple of times. I struggle with impulsive spending and buying. I struggle with depression and anxiety and negative destructive thinking.

My recovery is my highest priority and has been for many years. Working it has gotten easier over time because working with myself constructively is now mostly habit. I just do it. However, I know I can fall off the wagon in a nanosecond and do slip from time to time. The trick has been catching myself as soon as possible.

Very important: I need to stress that the following has been only since getting to goal weight and that I developed my maintenance program very gradually, experimenting with where I could be flexible yet not tip myself over into self sabotage. Before I got to goal weight I rigidly followed the rules.

What I have done and do religiously since beginning maintenance:
I weigh myself daily since getting to goal weight and keep myself within a 5 pound margin because I hate hate hate to do the work of losing weight.
I exercise exercise exercise. Exercise is the cornerstone of my program. I speed walk at least 2½ miles daily plus hike and bike and work at having working out being more than good intention. Before surgery I hated to exercise, now it is just what I do no matter what. I like how I feel when I am done plus it makes managing my eating a lot easier.
I eat healthy most of the time and pretty much what I want, avoiding sugar and processed food for the most part. I eat on a mostly regular schedule. I?ve pretty much learned what works for me regarding how much and what to eat when.
I get regular medical follow up and and since maintenance use my blood results to determine the vitamins I take beyond my daily multivitamin and iron.
I keep myself active and occupied.

What I do not do:
Log my intake, count calories, measure portions, drink protein shakes or not drink during meals. I would much rather exercise and eat right than having to do those things.

Results:
I did surgery because my health was tanking seriously. I?m now in great health with all my co-morbid conditions handled. My chronic conditions have not worsened.
I have self esteem and self confidence. My attention is now outside me rather than inside me being curled up in a fetal position with self consciousness.
My relationships beginning with me with me are better and more rewarding and fun.
I like being called small.
I like living in my baggy skin.

*****

My deepest gratitude goes to the people in my life who have had my back and have been cheering me on. I couldn not have done and be doing this alone no way no how.

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 7/24/17 6:51 am
Topic: RE: Winter is Coming - when did you realize the honeymoon phase was over?

Perhaps considering maintenance as a challenge and a worthwhile lifestyle change might help. That's what I've been practicing- challenging myself to grow mentally as opposed to physically.

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 7/24/17 6:44 am
Topic: RE: Winter is Coming - when did you realize the honeymoon phase was over?

Amen. 7 years here doing what works. Bless you for being a role model for me!

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 7/23/17 10:20 pm
Topic: RE: Winter is Coming - when did you realize the honeymoon phase was over?

Comcast is indeed a ***** So are we with what we need to do.

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 7/23/17 10:14 pm
Topic: RE: Winter is Coming - when did you realize the honeymoon phase was over?

Embrace your future as the challenge of your life. Lordy I was in your same place completely unsure whether I could rise to the challenge! But I have found out about my ability and strength just taking things one day one step at a time. And here I am 7 years later to tell the tale.

I will attest to the fact there is no magic. Biggest challenge of my life. Also the most worthwhile.

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 7/23/17 9:57 pm
Topic: RE: Ten Years After

OMG I acknowledge you, grrlfriend!!!

7 years here maintaining also, bless you for being an inspiration for keeping on keeping on!!!

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 7/23/17 9:52 pm
Topic: RE: Truth, this

Cross post:

We often tell ourselves that small steps are really not all that effective, and we use that as an excuse to stand still. When in reality, nine times out of ten, it's those small steps that make those big changes happen. To begin all its takes is one very small, manageable step. And the very best time to begin is right now.
- Paul Boynton

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 7/18/17 9:42 am
Topic: RE: SHARE YOUR LONGTERM POSITIVE STORIES

One day at a time and do what you need to do each day no matter what, don't listen to your head or your feelings or make excuses. Commitment, action, perseverance over time- formula for success, simple not easy.

I know- 7 years here practicing.

You got this!

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

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