Vent - "Please give unsolicited advice here!"

I have had a great experience with VSG, aside from some reflux I never had before, I feel GREAT!

My vent here is "Why do some people feel the need to comment on your life and habits?"

My whole life I have been overweight (well except for that year and half when I was 3-4 when my mom said I was actually skinny). Overweight became obese, became morbidly obese, etc.

People would always say the usual litany of things "Cut out carbs", "Exercise more", "reduce your portions", "if you REALLY tried", Yadda Yadda Vomit! I was willing to listen, thinking that maybe one day someone would come out with a real GEM that would be the magic answer! Yeah - No, didnt happen.

Well now, everyone says "Hey you look great!" right up until its time to eat. Then its nothing but "You cant eat just that!", "thats ALL your gonna have?", etc adnausuem, repeat.

My venting complaint here is why the @#$% can't people mind thier own damn business sometimes. I get it - your concerned. I get that I need to tell people enough - stop telling me what to do. But why do I even have to do that?! Why has it always been that people seem to want to offer "constructive and helpful advice" about the size of my body. Do I have a sign on my head that says "Please give unsolicited advice"?

I have gotten to the point of being snide sometimes when people say something, I am just about past the point of being polite. Mind your own F'n business people and kiss my almost skinny ass!!

What about being honest?

"You know --unsolicited commenter-- I have spent most of my life getting tips on how to lose weight and now that I am losing, I get comments on how I am doing it. I appreciate your concern but I'm working with nutritionists and doctors and am doing well."

Well thats kind of my whole point - It doesnt matter how I approach it, problem still exists. I have worn out my politeness on the subject. Actually the one time I did get someone to stop was to do the same thing to them "REally, your going to eat THAT?!" said with a sarcastic smile. She got the point and hasnt said anything since. I just ****** me off that I have to resort to other peoples tactics and bad behavior to get results.

Meh - Whatever. F'em =)

I have always wondered why people feel so comfortable commenting on others eating habits. I was talking about this subject recently with a friend of mine who has no food issues. She offered me some interesting insight and I will pass it on and you can take it or leave it.

She said that these comments happen to most people regardless of weight and that I am taking it too much to heart because this is a sensitive subject for me. She then related what is a sensitive subject for her and how an innocent comment by a health practitioner recently had greatly offended her. The comment was nothing I would have even thought twice about because it wasn't concerning a sensitive spot for me.

I have since realized that many times when my naturally thin friends leave food on their plate, sometimes people say to them, "that is all you are going to eat??" or "you're done already?!"

Yes, people are too nosey and I still think it is rude to comment on others eating habits, but people are going to do it. You have to try to let it roll off your back and just say, "Yep, I'm full already!" or "No thanks, I'm not very hungry."

I don't think the people mean to make you feel irate, I think they say it more out of habit or maybe because they are worried about how much they are eating. I think maybe we are just sensitive in this arena and take it more seriously than it was intended.

Just set your boundaries firmly in your reply and let that be that. If you can't let it roll off your back and these are frequent, repeat offenders in your life, I would just say, "I appreciate your concern, but I am taking care of myself and I would prefer not to hear these comments."

It would be nice if everyone would respect personal boundaries and we would never have to stand up for ourselves by drawing the line in the sand, but that is just not reality. There are lots of people who just don't have common sense or courtesy and then we have to inform them that they have just crossed the line.

Well, I started rambling there, but I hope some of it is useful.

Best of luck,
Lindsey

I always notice the people who look at me then eye my cart at the grocery store to see whats in it.  My cart was never loaded with chips, cookies etc because I wasn't a junk food eater, I was a bulk food eater.  I'm a good cook who likes her own cooking.  But I would see those people giving my cart the eye looking for the culprit of my obesity.  If there were some Little Debbie's in there they weren't for me but for my grandson who gets one a day in his lunchbox as his only sweet of the day.  I give it to him at lunch so he has all day to run it off.  Of course then there is the fast food joints, you walk in and before you can order your salad someone has already given you the eye and decided you are going to get the mega burger and mega fries.  Once in a bar and grill my friend and I were waiting for our orders and a man bought my friend a drink then said to me that I was overweight and didn't need the alcohol!  A total stranger!  My friend dumped her drink on him and said she didn't need the alcohol either...As we left I jerked the barstool out from under him...LOL!  There are many ways to give unsolicited advice and many ways to respond to it.  I figure if someone is not embarassed to give their advice then I am not embarassed to respond to it.

 I like to say that "You actually don't need to eat all of that to sustain your basic body functions, you eat that much because you like it".  If any further unsolicited advice comes my way from the same person i will usually find a defect of theirs to comment on...and suggest a new hairstylist, a style consultant, a makeup artist, a nutritionist....something until they get the point.  U know?

Lindsey - You guys may be on to something there! I guess I just never have done that to others, so to me it's just not an appropriate thing to do. I will definately take more notice now when it happens.

Stephanie - "There are many ways to give unsolicited advice and many ways to respond to it. I figure if someone is not embarassed to give their advice then I am not embarassed to respond to it." You are totally right, I think its just because I usually try to let things roll off and not return rude behavior.

Thanks everyone! You have given me something to think about =)

I'm one of the secret WLS patients. Too many unwelcome comments could derail me from my positive focus. Call me a coward if you will, but I just tell most people that notice my weight loss that I have been dieting to avoid diabetes and improve my health and quality of life. Those that do know about my WLS journey really don't know what to say anyway so they pretty much don't say much.

I think non WLS people look at the surgery as some kind of magic solution that is some kind of cop-out or somehow it's cheating. They don't really understand that you still have to use a lot of discipline and the only way to approach this is as a complete life change. Trust me, I'd love to be surrounded by knowledgeable and supportive people. This is why many of us navigated to this forum. To be immersed in an environment of acceptance & understanding of what we are all doing to improve our lives.
Peace! .... Craig

Mr Mom ---YES ! I totally agree with you that some people see wls as some kind of magic - and that we are magically controlled by it and no longer have to have any self discipline or control.

If someone comments on your portion size just say, "Yes, this is what I am going to eat and I am going to enjoy every single bite!"