Helping someone who doesn't get it

 How do you help someone that has had first  surgery a Vertical Sleeve in 2006 then two years later had a Gastric Bypass and still has only lost 50 or so pounds. This is my husband I am talking about. He frustrates me because when I try to talk to him about it he shuts me out. He will tell everyone else that he knows the problem is between his ears not from his mouth to his butt. We have spent $24,000 in surgeries for him and he just laughs it off. I am just frustrated and needed to get it out. I had VSG  18 months ago and have leveled out at about 155. Every time I get below that weight I look really sick. I now am saving and hoping my insurance will pay for the plastics I need. Boobs reduced and lifted and gobs of skin removed from my belly.

I know it's hard when it is someone you love, but you can't save someone from themselves. He KNOWS what to do - just has to decide to do it. You continue to take care of you - he'll come around eventually (I hope)...

Just a couple thoughts - you can't help someone who is not willing to help themselves. If he's not ready, he's not ready. It sounds like he knows and acknowledges what the problem is, but he's just not ready to address them. I think you have every right to be upset/frustrated at the attempts to help him that are being ignored.

2nd, you may have some underlying communication/relationship issues if he's just shutting you out when you try to talk to him. Maybe counseling is an issue for the two of you? And then maybe at some point he'd be willing to seek help for his issues with food that's keeping him from getting the weight off. Just a suggestion.

Sorry you are going through all that. But, congrats on your success so far!

Theres an old saying.....You can lead a horse to water but you cant make him drink......I believe this really pertains to your husband.  He has the info....hes an adult ...he will do what he wants.  Leave him be.

Gratz to you on your success hon.  If 155 if comfortable to you then thats where you need to be.  You knwo if you get surgery you could very well lose 25 to 30 lbs.  So even though your scales read 155 you really weight only 125 which is why you look sick if you lose more.  Good luck with your Plastics I hope you are able to get them.  Just a heads up.

  If you have rashes where the skin rubs, constatnly irritated insurance will pay for it. If you dont they usually will not pay for it.  Thats according to alot of posts Ive read in this regard.  Maybe your ins is diff.  If your ins. wont pay unless its medical issue, put some sand paper in here lol.  The really really fine stuff though. If theres a will theres a way

Good luck hon.

Thanks everyone for reminding me of what I already know but don't want to acknowledge. I just get frustrated. I know it is his issue and I know I shouldn't push. I love him with all my heart and just hate to see him doing the same old thing and getting the same old results.

Thanks for reminding me about the rashes. I get them all the time. I have to be diligent at keeping those areas clean. I will call my insurance company and find out what the requirements are for it. Worse they can say is they don't cover it.

Might need some counseling. Maybe there are other issues other than weight. Good luck and let me know if I can help further.

 Goodness - it sounds like he is buying into that big no-no we all are aware of - surgery is not a magic cure, it's a tool.  He still has to do the work.  I would be frustrated too, for a variety of reasons. When I think about having surgery to lose weight, I think to myself:  I could never DARE throw this gift away.  I could never dare throw the support that people gave me back in their faces by not trying to do my part.  I would never want to feel like I wasted mine and my families time, effort and money.  And last, but not least - I would never not want to give 100% for something designed to save me.    SMH.