having body issues even after surgery?
I've just entered into a new relationship and I'm finding that I'm actually more nervous and self concious about my body post surgery than I used to be when I was still fat. At least then all I had to worry about was fat, now the idea of getting naked with someone and having to explain my loose skin (which admittedly is pretty minimal - but I notice it) and scars is actually way more terrifying.
Does anyone have any advice?
But seriously, I have posted alot about feeling like a phony, like having pretty wrapping on the outside and underneath is flawed..
Here are the common responses I have gotten when posting about this: 1. if someone truely cares about you, they wont mind a scar or skin here and there. If they are a shallow jerk*off then yes, and they should be out the door anyway. 2. everyone has things they are self conscious about, not just you and your scars or skin 3. men dont give a rats ass if there is a few scars or skin, they are getting some a$$ and the other stuff they dont even notice.
HW: 258lbs SW: 240 CW: 140 I am 5 foot 7 and 30 years old
VSG 12/21/10 Plastics: Tummy tuck, breast lift, and augmentation 11/3/11
Soon to be veterinarian!! xoxo
I am going through the same thing and I have to remind myself,
I would rather have this problem than the problem I had before.
As I also feel insecure, I have to surround myself with people who are
understanding until I build my confidence more in this area. I dont tell
everyone either... meaning about my sleeve. its none of their business.
✿ L♦O♦V♦E ✿ & ✿ P♦E♦A♦C♦E ✿ღ ✿ & F♦R♦I♦E♦N♦D♦S ✿ ღ
"Keeping The Faith!" "Slim by Summer!"
HW: 250 - SW: 241 - CW: 154.7- GW: 140
1 month: 22 pounds (216) 2 months: 12.2 pounds (203.8) 3 months: 10.6 (193.2)
4 months: 9.7 lbs (183.5) 5 Months: 6 pounds (177.5 ) 6 Months: 12 lbs ( 165.5)
7 Months 7.1 lbs (158.4) 8 Months +1.6 pounds(159.8) 9 Months 2.7 pounds (157.1)
10 Months 8.1 lbs (149) 11 months +2 pounds ( 151) 1 YEAR!!! 2.6 pounds (148.4)
Hit "One-derland April 9th, 2011 (199.7)
"Half-Way Goal" April 25th, 2011 (194.8)
"Happyland 80`s" May 14, 2011 (189.6)
"Groovyland 70`s" June 20th 2011 (179.9)
" HippyDippyland 60's" July 16th (169.8)
" CQQL-land 50`s" August 25th ( 159.8)
"Normal BMI" 24.8 October 21st, 2011 (154.5) I am 5`6
"AWESOME-land 40's" Dec 1st 2011 (149)
"Century Club 100 Pounds" Dec 1st 2011 (149)
' ONE YEAR SURGIVERSARY!!!"
Two Year Surgiversary!!!"
SW 270lbs GW 150lbs CW Losing Pregancy Weight Maintenance goal W 125-130lbs
I'm just gonna put this out there.......
Gotta talk about it before you start bumpin uglies.....
I would think if were talking relationship.....that the communication about such things could be talked about before you get nekid.
On two occasions in the past....the women divulged certain physical hang ups.....one had a mastectomy(at 30 years old).... It gave me time to study it, learn about what she had been through and get used to the idea.....Turns out it was a moot point.....I was already attracted her as a person......and later responded by saying.....that I was more worried about her seeing by belly !!!
Another was a model/actor that had open appendix surgery, skin graft as well as a breast reduction surgery. Her trip was that since she was a model/actor everybody assumes she had a flawless body and not only did she have scares....some were compounded by a Keloid type bump along the incision line (I guess common with Asian skin?) Again..... it was talked about before and was not an issue..... Although again, I was more embarrassed about my fatness.
frisco
SW 338lbs. GW 175lbs. Goal in 11 months. CW 148lbs. WL 190lbs.
" To eat is a necessity, but to eat intelligently is an art "
VSG Maintenance Group Forum
http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/VSGM/discussion/
CAFE FRISCO at LapSF.com
Dr. Paul Cirangle
where can i find someone who studies what i went through.That is awesome you did that frisco. I am actually charmed for that woman,.
weird right???? I soooo adore you
✿ L♦O♦V♦E ✿ & ✿ P♦E♦A♦C♦E ✿ღ ✿ & F♦R♦I♦E♦N♦D♦S ✿ ღ
"Keeping The Faith!" "Slim by Summer!"
HW: 250 - SW: 241 - CW: 154.7- GW: 140
1 month: 22 pounds (216) 2 months: 12.2 pounds (203.8) 3 months: 10.6 (193.2)
4 months: 9.7 lbs (183.5) 5 Months: 6 pounds (177.5 ) 6 Months: 12 lbs ( 165.5)
7 Months 7.1 lbs (158.4) 8 Months +1.6 pounds(159.8) 9 Months 2.7 pounds (157.1)
10 Months 8.1 lbs (149) 11 months +2 pounds ( 151) 1 YEAR!!! 2.6 pounds (148.4)
Hit "One-derland April 9th, 2011 (199.7)
"Half-Way Goal" April 25th, 2011 (194.8)
"Happyland 80`s" May 14, 2011 (189.6)
"Groovyland 70`s" June 20th 2011 (179.9)
" HippyDippyland 60's" July 16th (169.8)
" CQQL-land 50`s" August 25th ( 159.8)
"Normal BMI" 24.8 October 21st, 2011 (154.5) I am 5`6
"AWESOME-land 40's" Dec 1st 2011 (149)
"Century Club 100 Pounds" Dec 1st 2011 (149)
' ONE YEAR SURGIVERSARY!!!"
Two Year Surgiversary!!!"
I'm just so annoyed at myself for feeling this way because I had fooled myself into thinking I was really body-confident now, and to realise that actually I aren't feels like big steps backwards
I dated a good bit, but wasn't at a get naked stage until recently... my new BF is one of those guys who is comfortable talking about ANYTHING... he will be totally respectful, but honest, about my body... he says I really don't see myself clearly at all, and that women often don't really get that most other women have very similar issues... like one ex of his who was SOO self conscious about her boobs that were just destroyed post babies, and his other ex who gained and lost and had a kid and has similar issues to me (tho not as bad)... He's always saying "sexy is a state of mind" and encouraging that in me... he knows how to make comments that make me feel confident and just good about myself... but in a way that I don't doubt his sincerity...
I still have TONS of insecurities... I still prefer to have a nightie or tank top or something on that covers my belly, but he's slowly working on it, I am too, and it hasn't been NEARLY has difficult as I thought it would be in my head...
I do agree that you need to be comfortable, but I also feel like, at least for me, you just can't let it be too big of a deal (your insecurities) even if you just have to kinda power through it at first... I can tell you that dating at 30 I don't wait til I'm in love to get naked, I just wait for comfort and a level of trust (and of course attraction :-))...
I do bet that a lot of it is in your head :-) I have also had guys tell me not to worry so much about the insecurities, wait til you've been with them a bit before you fess up to it... if you come off as confident than that is how they'll see you... I can't pull that off myself, but I can see the perspective... I bet it works well for many :-)
I also feel like "false advertising" I look MUCH better in clothes, and I even have a wig because my hair has thinned SOOOO badly (and is still getting worse)... THAT was the hardest part for me. That first BF was with me when I got it, so no big deal there... I've had two other guys I've had to tell, and even that they didn't really care... but I've been lucky (smart?) and only been spending much time with people who are nice and care about me for me....
Gosh, I could go on for ever... but I think, even with my insecurities, I feel like I can "aim higher" now, that I deserve better. For me this is about more than just weight... I have also pretty recently left an abusive marriage, but it all rolls together in my head... (I left my ex BEFORE I lost weight... but he was very resistant to me getting surgery, wouldn't allow it... I'd been looking into it for years). The guys I have dated and the couple I have been with have helped to build me up as well... but I'm finally in a place where I don't need them to build me up... it is nice to be surrounded by supportive people no doubt, but I can do just fine building myself up on my own. It feels really good to be at that place.
