Trying to wrap my head around my ass
No...I'm not a contortionist. I am tyring to get a handle on my body dysmorphia.
I was not always fat. I was thin up until my early 30s. Once I started gaining weight, I never realized how big I was. My head didn't catch up to my size until a few years ago. Then I just felt hopeless.
Since my surgery, I bounce around from feeling "normal" sized to still feeling obese. I can't really see myself as I really am. I pick up my new size 14 petite jeans and think, "holy sheep **** batman, my butt will never fit in those!" Then I put them on and they are either comfortable (right out of the dryer, even) or slightly big. Then I just can't figure out how those "little" jeans fit my ass!
I will be folding clothes for my husband and think how big his shirts look. Then I realize that a few short months ago, I was wearing the same size. The underwear I am currently wearing (size 7) look like they should belong to a little girl. They are so much smaller than the giant granny panties I was wearing before surgery. My bras no longer look like something meant to be a gag gift (I've gone from 40 J to a 36 DDD).
I have't lost any weight in a month but I've lost inches. Haven't measured lately but my clothes are fitting looser. So the size perception is getting even more warped. What's it going to be when I get to goal? I know this is a common problem but I am really kinda freaking about this. I have read alot of the posts on here about this very issue but haven't gotten a real good feel for how to help resolve it or when it usually gets better.
I was not always fat. I was thin up until my early 30s. Once I started gaining weight, I never realized how big I was. My head didn't catch up to my size until a few years ago. Then I just felt hopeless.
Since my surgery, I bounce around from feeling "normal" sized to still feeling obese. I can't really see myself as I really am. I pick up my new size 14 petite jeans and think, "holy sheep **** batman, my butt will never fit in those!" Then I put them on and they are either comfortable (right out of the dryer, even) or slightly big. Then I just can't figure out how those "little" jeans fit my ass!
I will be folding clothes for my husband and think how big his shirts look. Then I realize that a few short months ago, I was wearing the same size. The underwear I am currently wearing (size 7) look like they should belong to a little girl. They are so much smaller than the giant granny panties I was wearing before surgery. My bras no longer look like something meant to be a gag gift (I've gone from 40 J to a 36 DDD).
I have't lost any weight in a month but I've lost inches. Haven't measured lately but my clothes are fitting looser. So the size perception is getting even more warped. What's it going to be when I get to goal? I know this is a common problem but I am really kinda freaking about this. I have read alot of the posts on here about this very issue but haven't gotten a real good feel for how to help resolve it or when it usually gets better.
Never, never, never give up!...though she be but little, she is FIERCE...
A Midsummer Night's Dream
I've had the same issues. It feels so strange! Last night I tried on all of the sweaters and the coat I hoped would fit by Christmas. They all did and I stood in front of a full length mirror wearing them with great jeans and gorgeous 4 inch heals. That helped. I have also spent some time looking at photos taken a few months apart. That made everything seem a little more real. I've had trouble looking at pic of me since I've gained the weight because a part of me had trouble even recognizing that it was really me in the picture. I have to believe it now. I really have looked at jeans I was about to put on and thought they would never fit me yet. It is hard to get your head to catch up with the changes.
putting one foot in front of the other... 
i am glad you posted this!
I seen some pictures my girls had taken and was like "whose gigantic arm is that?? whose ass is that??? holy balls...it's MINE"
one reason i decided i need to move forward with the surgery.
when i was in my teens i thought i was gigantic...i look at pics now and i am like...i wish i was that thin again...i looked healthy.
i had a therapist tell me i suffered from body dysmorphia last year when i told her how disgusting i felt about myself.....she said i wasn't obese...(even though BMI says yes I am...any my butt in the front also tells me that)
so i am wondering how i am going to navigate the waters of my own mind through this process....
good luck!!!
I seen some pictures my girls had taken and was like "whose gigantic arm is that?? whose ass is that??? holy balls...it's MINE"
one reason i decided i need to move forward with the surgery.
when i was in my teens i thought i was gigantic...i look at pics now and i am like...i wish i was that thin again...i looked healthy.
i had a therapist tell me i suffered from body dysmorphia last year when i told her how disgusting i felt about myself.....she said i wasn't obese...(even though BMI says yes I am...any my butt in the front also tells me that)
so i am wondering how i am going to navigate the waters of my own mind through this process....
good luck!!!
In a way I have the opposite problem.. I am 5'8" and had always been a big girl (big boned) and fairly slim. That is until children.. not that it was being pregnant.. but the give the kid one cookie and eat two myself... problem...
Anyway.. fast forward to now... my "baby" is 27 and I was 243.. even at 243 I didn't "feel" THAT fat.. but when I saw photos of myself I was horrified!!!
I have lost 25 lbs now and I'm 6 weeks post op.. I can't wait till my body catches up with what I feel like!!
Rhonda
Anyway.. fast forward to now... my "baby" is 27 and I was 243.. even at 243 I didn't "feel" THAT fat.. but when I saw photos of myself I was horrified!!!
I have lost 25 lbs now and I'm 6 weeks post op.. I can't wait till my body catches up with what I feel like!!
Rhonda
This is a good post, MillersDaughter. It's important to remind ourselves that we're beautiful at whatever size we are if we're good people on the inside, but it's hard to see it when we look in the mirror and only see fat.
I know that I have body dysmorphia but it only hits me sometimes. At times I see my reflection and think "Jeez-- I'm sill so big and I still have so long to go until I'm smaller!" and other times I look in the mirror and think (or say out loud even if noone else is there to hear it) "Damn girl-- you're hot!"
It's hard, but it's a different challenge for everyone. I think that for me, positive self-talk helps, but nothing will really help until I'm good and confortable 100% inside of my own skin to see the "real me" in the mirror and know that I've done something really good for myself and it's showing outwardly too.
I know that I have body dysmorphia but it only hits me sometimes. At times I see my reflection and think "Jeez-- I'm sill so big and I still have so long to go until I'm smaller!" and other times I look in the mirror and think (or say out loud even if noone else is there to hear it) "Damn girl-- you're hot!"
It's hard, but it's a different challenge for everyone. I think that for me, positive self-talk helps, but nothing will really help until I'm good and confortable 100% inside of my own skin to see the "real me" in the mirror and know that I've done something really good for myself and it's showing outwardly too.
~~Emily~~
I'm having the same battle right now, and it's causing me some stress.. no advice, but want to vent a little too if you don't mind..
I've been big/really big all my life, save about 5-6 years in my early 20's where I got to a normalish size 14 maybe 12 in dress pants. I'm stalled hard right now and noted that in the last couple weeks I'm swinging between feeling more svelte and good about myself, and then looking at myself and seriously wondering if dropping 30lbs more to my 155# goal will even make me not look "fat".. I'm now thinking I need to revise goal down to at least 145 at 5'7".
Just having doubts and seeing myself bigger than I am.. esp when I sit and the loose skin puddles.. yet when I walk I can't feel my thighs touch.. so wtf? I'm so much smaller than I was, yet I am having a really "fat" week. I recall going through this years ago, and even 3 years into maintaining my big loss I still was dysmorphic as hell. I think the skin adds to the issues, don't know how you feel about it- or how much you have... but it seems to me to add or make the head issue worse for me. I plan on plastics at some point.. I was wishy-washy about it till going with a friend for her post-bari consult. Not ever going to look perfect, no one can fix all the damage done, but not having the melted-pooling skin has got to help redefine our real proportions in our heads.. it may be years, but I'm doing it.
In the past, what I did that seemed to help: set up full length mirrors and wear spandex to hold things stable, and work out in front of them.. watching your body move seems to make it more "real." Another tip I got from someone on the MB, (sounds nuts, but hey?) paper bag, eyeholes, stand naked with your face covered and stare at yourself.. taking your "face" that your brain instantly goes to and recognizes out of the equation supposedly helps it get a better idea of your actual body..
I've been big/really big all my life, save about 5-6 years in my early 20's where I got to a normalish size 14 maybe 12 in dress pants. I'm stalled hard right now and noted that in the last couple weeks I'm swinging between feeling more svelte and good about myself, and then looking at myself and seriously wondering if dropping 30lbs more to my 155# goal will even make me not look "fat".. I'm now thinking I need to revise goal down to at least 145 at 5'7".
Just having doubts and seeing myself bigger than I am.. esp when I sit and the loose skin puddles.. yet when I walk I can't feel my thighs touch.. so wtf? I'm so much smaller than I was, yet I am having a really "fat" week. I recall going through this years ago, and even 3 years into maintaining my big loss I still was dysmorphic as hell. I think the skin adds to the issues, don't know how you feel about it- or how much you have... but it seems to me to add or make the head issue worse for me. I plan on plastics at some point.. I was wishy-washy about it till going with a friend for her post-bari consult. Not ever going to look perfect, no one can fix all the damage done, but not having the melted-pooling skin has got to help redefine our real proportions in our heads.. it may be years, but I'm doing it.
In the past, what I did that seemed to help: set up full length mirrors and wear spandex to hold things stable, and work out in front of them.. watching your body move seems to make it more "real." Another tip I got from someone on the MB, (sounds nuts, but hey?) paper bag, eyeholes, stand naked with your face covered and stare at yourself.. taking your "face" that your brain instantly goes to and recognizes out of the equation supposedly helps it get a better idea of your actual body..
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