Emotional Hot Mess - Long Post

I’m not quite sure what’s been going on with me these past few weeks, but I’m a hot mess!  If anyone who knows me were to describe me they would tell you that I’m not an emotional person, especially around others.  Sure I get angry or happy but I don’t let sensitive type emotions show, I don’t get emotionally upset about things.  I usually get pissed and move on.  NOPE, not lately!  Lately I want to freaking cry all the time.  I am literally fighting tears right now.  When something happens that upsets me, I dwell on it instead of letting it go.  GRRRRRR……No my life isn’t perfect and yes I have stress that adds to it.  But I seriously can’t stand this overly sensitive crap that’s going on.  People are actually hurting my feelings with the stupid things they are doing or saying.  The same crap they were doing or saying a month ago now makes me want to cry and quit my job.  I’ve read that as we lose fat, hormones (or some other crap that makes us mushy) is released.  Reading and experiencing are totally different, so I need to know how long this is going to go on and if there is a way to stop it.  I don’t even want to be around myself right now.  I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling.

-          I’m not happy with my weight loss but I’m not upset with it either…I’m worried I will never make it to goal.  It’s just so damn far away…I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel

-          I’m sick of people wanting to know how much I’ve lost and when I’m going to buy smaller clothes.  LEAVE ME ALONE!!

-          I’m so fearful of failing at this that I don’t eat nearly enough.  I’ve never been good at accepting failure or defeat and this seems to be the worst yet.  Every time I see food I’m scared of failure.

-          My potassium levels are scaring the bejevus outta me to the point I’m afraid to get my heart rate up at all.  It’s serious enough that they want to do infusions now!  WTF!!!

-          My hair is falling out and there’s nothing I can do about it, but embrace it….yeah right embrace my impending baldness!

-          I don’t fit into hardly any of my massive amounts of clothes anymore…sure some would be happy about this…but me, I want to cry cause I only have clothes that make me look more of a hot mess than I already am.

-          I was offered a promotion at work only to have it given to someone else because my boss feared people would accuse him of favoritism…are you f'ing kidding me?!?!

 

I want my I don’t give a **** attitude back.  I miss it.  Emotions freaking suck and blow fat whale ass.

 

Am I alone in all this craziness of mixed emotions that I can’t tell up from down?  I sure as hell hope not cause that would mean I’m actually looney! 

 You sound clinically depressed. If it continues you should seek some professional help. Depression is biologically based. With major changes you can have biologically based changes in mental health. I hope you can get a break during the holidays. I work in mental health not an expert but definitely well seasoned.....May You Have a RELAXING holiday season

Thank you for your concerns, but I don't feel as if I am exhibiting any of the classic signs & symptoms for clinical depression.  I still enjoy many activities that make me happy, I'm able to concentrate and perform my job daily, no thoughts of suicide or anything like that.  I just can't shake how emotional I feel.  Honestly, I think some people feel like this normally.  I just don't.  I had a great day today and laughed a lot until one conversation left me upset for the rest of the night.  May you have a wonderful holiday as well.  Thank you again for your concerns, and if the feelings continue I will speak with my doctor.

I'm right there with you friend. Today I actually flipped of some asshole who drove up behind me flashing his lights for me and the other million people on the road to move over so he could get through. When the 50,000 cars in front of him wouldn't move over he drove down the shoulder on a frigging overpass thank you very much and of course I pull up right behind him at the next red light, which I enjoyed WAY too much. Finally, he manages to cut me off and I have to slam on my brakes so he can turn left from the middle lane to go to effing Home Depot. Really? *****!

I flipped him off and then spent the rest of the afternoon mad at myself for letting him get to me.

Oh, and I can't taste a damn thing my nose is so stuffed up. Just in time for the Holidays. Yay.

I'm sorry about your potassium levels, that just bites. I know you're frustrated with your WL, but you are doing great and you WILL make it because, all hormone crap aside, your attitude is right. Sometimes God gives us blessings we don't see and I wonder if NOT getting the promotion might be one of those unanswered prayers.

You're doing the right thing. Just vent and get it out. Cry if you need to.

Take care.

I'm only a day ahead of you from surgery, so maybe we have the same crazy hormones pumping through our bodies.  Heck yeah that person would have got my blood boiling as well.  Sorry your not feeling well, but maybe that's a blessing in disguise as well.  No tempting food for you to taste because you can't taste it anyway.  Yes, you are probably right about the promotion.  All in all I know my boss didn't want to set me up for failure with my collegues, so he did what he thought was best.  Thank you for your kind words and for making me feel just a little more sane on a totally insane day!  Happy Holidays to you and your loved ones.

 Yep - it's your hormones - like PMS or adolescent or ....menopause.  You know when it's hormones because your brain is aware that you are making big deals out of nothing......try increasing your fats in the diets - don't need tons but do add some cheese or something and that should help it - and then maybe explain to those you care about that you are feeling out of control and get some support.  You WILL lose the weight - and it will happen even if you don't do everything exactly right - it has happened to all of us and we were obviously not a bunch of perfect people when it came to our eating and exercising programs...so you will too - and I remember being depressed that I looked like crap in my big clothes but hadn't lost enough to go buy new sized ones...then when I did get a couple of things I looked so much better I wished I hadn't waited.  Also - be sure to be measuring everything and keeping track of it - when you see that you've dropped another inch even off your neck you will be happier than the amount of pounds that slowly keep coming off.  So - get eat some fat - cheddar cheese?  and give yourself a hug and box of tissues - you will do fine - and keep this to look back at in the future....like a teenage diary, it will seem so silly.....best of the best to you!!!

Thank you so much for putting a little perspective on this.  I will definately increase my fat.  I'm looking forward to the cheddar cheese.  I've been so strick on this life style change that if the cheese doesn't have at least 6g of protien per serving with less than 100 calories, I don't even eat it.  So, cheddar will be like a treat.  I keep all my crazy ranting posts.  I feel like they are a diary of my journey and maybe my rants from today will make someone else feel sane tomorrow.  Thanks again.  Happy Holidays

If you want relief from your hormone hell, take 50mg zinc gluconate at suppertime daily.
Take care
StrawWalker

It is the Holiday time. Everyone is wacky during this time of year. Best medicine is exersise. Go for a walk...buy a dog for  Christmas..take a swim ... one hour a day for 3 days and you will feel great. No alcohol!!
Jeff

-          I’m so fearful of failing at this that I don’t eat nearly enough.  I’ve never been good at accepting failure or defeat and this seems to be the worst yet.  Every time I see food I’m scared of failure.

Omg I can totally relate to this. I wanted to say something about  During my self imposed preop diet I was eating so little that I was constantly feeling like I was going to faint because I was literally scared of food. I felt like everything that touched my mouth meant I was going to gain weight. I'm kind of dealing with that now too. I had a shake today and I put milk in it and afterwards I had anxiety over the extra calories and carbs. I am transitioning to to soft foods/mushies and I'm scared. As much as I want to taste amazing food, I don't want to eat. I didn't ever think I'd feel this way. I just wanted to let you know that I can relate to you.