Nay-sayers and negative Nancy's

Has anyone else had to deal with friends or family members trying to talk you OUT of surgery or constantly bombarding you with numbers and statistics from 5 years ago?? Please help me out here... What do you tell them?  How can I move past their negative words

I have 2 people that tried that..one was my Mom. I made sure I had all my facts and research ready to go. I had to go back and tell my Mom that I know what I am doing. I have researched for several years and I understand there are risks with any surgery. I have taken the time to research my surgeon. I am going to do this and nothing is going to change my mind. I want to be healthier, happier and be able to have kids and see them grow up. Then after that conversation, I just don't talk about it much more with her.

There will be some that "think" they know about this, but really don't. Stand your ground! Just remember you have many friends here on OH that support you and will be there if you need a friend.

This happens before and after surgery. Some people mean well and some are just jealous. I told people to mind their own business ,when I finally got a belly full. Some friends and family members didn't make the cut in the last 6 months. I'm good with that.

Prior to surgery, I only told a few people that I knew would be supportive.  Now is not the best time for you to be stressed over other people's opinion. Their motives for the negativity actually vary from fear to judgemental. 

The bottom line is this: are you happy with your choice? Are you at peace with it? If so, then firmly state, "My decision is made. I am asking for support not permission. I am only willing to share and discuss my experience with supporters."

Now this only works if you are willing to let go of the subject with them. Don't bring it up or keep them informed.  If you need to avoid them, then do so.  If you need to 'win' them over, then this will not work.  As long as you are trying to 'convince' them, then they have every right to keep trying to convince you.

When I told my family I said.

I have made a decision for me and I am asking for your support, if you can't be positive and support me tell me now.  I will ask you to keep your negative comments to yourself, because I want to be successful at this and I need your support in a positive way. 

If you can't support me then say nothing at all and if you can't do that then I will not be seeing you until several weeks after the surgery.

End of subject.

Some members were very quite up until a week before I was going and then they became very supportive and have remained that way.

Honestly, I thanked them for their concern and advice, but told them, in the end, it is my decision and I cannot base my decision on anyone but me. The ones that focused on the negative statistics, well, I just reminded them of the negative morbidities I already had and told them I had to weigh out the benefits verses the blessings and go from there. Best wishes.

 When my sister had her VSG last year, I really had my doubts; "It's not necessary", "you can do it without surgery", "it's permanent", etc.  However, I kept my mouth shut because I knew that it might just be what she needed as she was quite large and I worried about her health.  I was there in the hospital before and after her surgery, even more worried and doubtful it was a smart thing to do.  Only through watching her during the past year have my worries been alleviated.  After doing alot of inward-looking thinking, I realized that I was a prime candidate for this as well and was sleeved a little over a week ago.

Mmm, the rambling point I'm getting to is that most are likely genuinely worried and caught up in their own ego (as I was, re: "it's not necessary").  Don't worry about it.  The best thing you can do is EDUCATE them.  Not just on the surgery but also the dangers of being obese.  If they don't care enough to listen, they don't care enough and you should let them be until after surgery.  Perhaps when they see you healthy, thin, and happier than ever, they will change their mind as I did with my sister.

Don't be afraid to seem like you need help.  Even if they disapprove of the surgery, they can still be supportive (especially after surgery).

Wow, I am so lucky in that all of my family and close friends have been 100% supportive of my decision to have surgery.  I haven't heard anything but praise and congratulatory things from them, and I am so glad, because I would give them a piece of my mind if they said anything negative about it.  This is YOUR decision.  YOU have done the research, YOU have lived with the effects of obesity for all these years.  They don't know what's right for you, only YOU do.  After spending months on these boards, reading posts similar to yours, you just need to be firm with people and tell them to stay out of it.  They'll be convinced that you were correct when they see the long-term effects of the surgery, and how much healthier and happier you are.

Hang in there!!! And good luck!

Thanks everyone for the positive feedback!  I am currently working on my profile and am having trouble posting pics etc..

My surgery is scheduled for Monday 7/16 (I am so excited and nervous too)

The problems I am having are with my Mother-in-law and several family friends who are to say the least obese themselves but they are convinced that you can be morbidly obese and healthy.  They are very quick to throw out statistics and numbers about the diet industry and how these surgeons are just out to make $$$ etc..  I have explained to them that it is my decision and that while I understand your concern, I would appreciate support.. they still make snide remarks and comments to others over facebook etc..

I am confident in my choice and ready to embrace this new life but all these negative people have started to make me apprehensive and doubt myself as to whether I can actually do this and be successful long-term

 lots of people know someone who have had a band or Rny & either didn't lose much weight, lost a bunch but gained it back or didn't take supplements and it ruined their health. I was going to say, educate these people if you can about VSG and how prepared you are for life as a post-op - you'll be on top of your labs, right? and know about supplements?

but after reading this

all these negative people have started to make me apprehensive and doubt myself as to whether I can actually do this and be successful long-term

I suggest you avoid these people for awhile. it wouldn't hurt to get some counseling as it sounds like you could (like many of us) use some help in improving your self esteem and confidence.

both the surgery and the major changes following are stressful and we benefit from getting help dealing with this.

hey: surgery is a big deal and you get to take care of yourself in any way you need to: just like you can't lift anything heavy post op you might ALSO need to avoid your mother in law for awhile. I am not kidding!

good luck & keep posting here, too.