staying off the pity pot

Today, after years of avoidance due to my weight, I finally had a consult with an orthopedic specialist about my knee.  My pcp had left a message that the x-rays done last week showed severe osteoarthritis.  The doc today recommended a full knee replacement and not to wait too long.  I cannot afford to take 6 weeks off from work - most unpaid.  Just can't do it, so we're going to try injections of lubricant to ease the discomfort.  I knew all of this in my gut before the appointment, and was okay with it, until I left.  Then the demons started telling me that if I'd addressed this issue 6 yrs ago when I fell on the knee, maybe, blah, blah, blah...  Then the demons started, yea, but they would have just told you to lose weight and you wouldn't have, blah, blah, blah.....   I don't want to feel sorry for myself and all that can go with it if I let it.  So I am trying to get past the regrets and the self pity to a place where I can believe to my core that it is what it is and now it's time to move forward.  Not there yet, but trying.

 I certainly feel for you.  I am scheduled for VSG on Sept 18 with a BMI of 49.  I was supposed to have my right knee replaced last year but I just couldn't see how I would I could possibly have a successful recovery with all this weight.  Then the choice was taken away from me - my ortho retired and the next two orthos I went to said - no surgery at my weight.  So I realized the only way I could ever have any more mobility is to lose weight by having the VSG since I can hardly walk at this point.  And truthfully - the recovery from knee replacement has to be worse than with the VSG.  I am so hoping that the VSG will delay having to have the knee replacements(I need both replaced) for a year or two.  I have had the Synvisc shots in both knees x 5 over a period of 2 years.  They help some but not as much this last time.  They are definitely worth a try for you.  After reading your post - I guess I shouldn't count on the weight loss delaying the inevitable.

It's all right to have a little pity party -we all do at one time or another.  Give the shots a try - might help - you never know.   Good luck.

Thanks for your support!  Because of my weight, I avoided going to see the ortho for way too long.  A friend's step daughter, who was a teen at the time and very overweight, had gone to one of the drs. in that practice, and he was not very sympathetic to her pain.  Told her he couldn't do anything for her until she lost weight.  He was right, but I think he was too blunt and frankly, I was afraid of the same type of reaction.  I already felt badly enough about myself, without putting myself in the position of being told I was too fat and couldn't be helped.  The ortho's office is doing a prior authorization for the Synvisc with my insurance company, and if it's a go, I'll give it a try.  The ortho was honest with me though, that this treatment is reasonable to try, but at the stage I'm at , it may or may not give some relief.  I am able to function fairly normally.  When I know I'll be doing lots of walking, or before my jazz dance classes, I take ibuprophen, which takes the edge off.  Keeping my fingers crossed that the Synvisc will be approved and help for awhile until I can save up enough money to be able to take 6 weeks off from work. 

Demons dont get a say! You cant go back, all you can do is move forward. we all have reasons that we did not do things differently, but you cant fix that, youve done amazingly well and YOU did this, you could have went another year or two or three, with the weight but you didnt, you fixed it. your doing great, Dont beat yourself up about the past, you will have an amazing life, even if sometime it includes a knee replacement. hope you get some relief from the pain, and find acceptance.
Hugs,.....Connie