Frustrated with myself
Ok so I did pretty well the first several months. But for the last two months I have been fighting debilitating depression and major issues at home. Add in all the med changes and I have been fluctuating and losing slowly. I have a goal of 5-6 more pounds before my husband comes home which is slightly less than a month away. I just don't know how to pull myself out of this rut and get myself back on track.
I am skipping the gym to handle other things. Eating anything and everything for breakfast and lunch but trying to control my nighttime meals at least somewhat. For example yesterday I had coffee with splenda and creamer for breakfast with a Special K breakfast bar, 1 fried chicken breast for lunch and yes I ate the skin, 1 small pork chop with corn and broccoli with cheese. I did got to the gym and walk on the treadmill for 45 minutes which was good but I would say on average I am skipping the gym twice a week and going only once.
So what do I do? How do I break this? I need a week off to just get caught up and clear my head so that I can get to the grocery, restock, and make a meal plan. I haven't had one in over a month even though I recently promised to make one with my daughter and her nutritionist. So far I haven't gained but I feel like I have heart burn all the time and I am craving sweets like crazy. This could get ugly fast without an intervention!
Oh friend. If you were my gf and you came over and I hugged you and all that spilled out, I would say to you - it sounds like you are over tired, over whelmed, and the best way out that I could think of would be slowing down, finding a tiny shred of joy, and simplifying things.
Maybe you do not need an intervention, but maybe to look at you and the situation with an eye of compassion?
Your soul is sad and a body wants to fight that by feeding us things that used to bring us joy, or mean joy, or that would help us just lose the soul-sucking fear/grief for just one minute ****il we came out of our trance).
I do not know how you like to eat, but I tend to just make up a batch of meat and eat it with my favorite salsa on top. I make these things called popeye pies for breakfast, they are just quichey things - can you make things easy on yourself and make a few batches of things and break it down into serving sizes and just tote with you to work?
Part of this, for me, has been recognizing that there is a NEED under all the times I want to act out with food/spending/sex/attention/cleaning. KIdding! I never wanted to act out with cleaning! :}
But like the other day I had to drown chocolate bars in dishsoap. I did that because WHY those chocolate bars looked so good to me was because my soul was just sad and tired and weary, and I felt helpless about a lot of things that I couldnt control or make better.
Sometimes the answer just is SUCK IT UP AND DO RIGHT! and sometimes the answer is.. what would HELP you? What is our behavior telling us we need or are lacking?
Sometimes its just a little peace, to feel like we belong, to feel like we do not have to do EVERYFREAKINGTHINGFOREVERYFREAKINGBODY!!! :}
Or maybe that's just me? :} I hope you get some peace, and maybe a good nap!
I really don't know what to tell you exactly but I started eating off plan (because the holidays were approaching) at around month 4 and it lasted until month 6, after the new year. My weight loss slowed and then I lost nothing in January of this year. I knew I was letting old habits creep back in and if I didn't do something about it, I was going to end up gaining my weight back and feeling like a total failure with my sleeve. I lost about 65 pounds by that time and I knew I needed AND wanted to keep going. I was already feeling happier and healthier in my newer smaller body. I just knew I didn't want to be MO anymore. The feeling I got from being smaller with more energy made me want to keep going ... it wasn't just the physical appearance which is a plus but still. I think we all need to find what works best for us...
I had a very tough 2012 ... mentally, emotionally, & physically. Trying to deal with my body changing while dealing with some stressful situations can get the best of us. We just got to take a step back, refocus & get ourselves back in the game to remember why we let our surgeon remove 85% of our stomachs in the 1st place. I started to think of my kids ... my health ... my future ... my future happiness ... and that was enough to put me back on track. It's not to say that I haven't derailed from time to time but the main thing is, we pick ourselves back up, dust ourselves off and not dwell on the past since we cannot change it. Let's move towards a better future. We can do this!!! I have faith in you and anyone who wants success bad enough! Best of luck to you my friend!!!
Jenn
WWBD?
Are you seeing a therapist? Major depression is so hard to overcome or get under control alone. Also, why do you need to lose 5-6 more pounds before your husband gets home? This is for you not for your husband and this kind of thinking pattern is putting extra stress on you. Think ME ME ME first and then everyone else.
Just sit down and take time out, take out a pencil or sit at the laptop and just start typing away and work on that meal plan on that shopping list and so forth. You know how to do that, you have done it, you don't need anyone else to help with that right?
Take a deep breath, think and plan and don't let anyone interrupt. You are first (ME ME ME)!
Hugs,
Rita
Thanks guys!
I am seeing a therapist but haven't been the last three weeks because I have had to miss so much work due to issues with my daughters.
I do need to slow down and just take care of myself. Somedays that seems like way too much to ask for though. Somedays I just want to survive.
The 5 lb goal is for me not the hubby. I wanted to be 155 by the time he got home. It is just a random number I picked about a month ago and I only had 10lbs to get there so I thought no problem I got this! Yeah right see what I get for being ****y. LOL Anyway I am going to cook me up some Elina's green chicken soup tonight and get back on track!!
Time to get back on My Fitness Pal, pop a few PPI's and make this damn sleeve work for me!!!
I have battled depression for years... and on anti depressants... now, what I was not aware of all this time, was that I was vitamin D deficient.EVEN in the Summer. So now I take my anti depressants which didn't seem to help before, and my vitamin D and I have energy to spare for once in my life... my anti depressants seem to be working as planned (whether it be because of the vitamin D or the combo of the two, I don't know.) I MAKE myself go to the gym... there are days I don't want to go and I fight with myself. I have to do it slow... I get dressed... have breaky... pack my stuff to go to the gym... knowing full well I don't want to.... and I drive there... all the while fighting and arguing with myself how I don't feel up to it. It is the hardest thing, but after I am done at the gym... I feel so much better. I believe someone said it is the endorphins from the exercise... so now... I fight with myself still... but I tell myself "Think how much better you will feel when it is over!" and I go 3-4 times per week.
Take your PPI to get rid of the acid. I find I get hungry and crave sweet things when I get acidy. I use myfitnesspal every day without fail... At first it was a pain to me... but now it is what I do before I eat anything. I have to structure my life now and plan, I used to be spontaneous with meals but now... it has all changed. Small steps my dear.
When you have to go to they gym next (let's say tomorrow), you remember what I told you... and then remember how good it feels when you are done... and use that good feeling to drive you going forward.
Feel free to message me anytime. Good luck... you are stronger than your cravings.
Danielle
