waiting is so hard and drains the joy

I thought that my file had been sent to medicaid on Friday, but was informed today that it was just sent today (on the call that I made to see if they heard anything back yet).  I have waited 6 months, so you would think that a couple more weeks would be a piece of low-fat, calorie free cake.  Nope.  It sucks!  AND  I know that last week the doctor was scheduling out to middle of February, so who knows how long I will be scheduled out!  *sigh*  I am reading all these posts from people that they heard back from insurance within days and are going into surgery the beginning of January, and they make me so angry (not really, I like to hear other people's happy stories, but want to write my own happy story).  Feeling very down.  I hate this time of year!  I hate my family, so this time of year reminds me of what I don't have.  Ok, now I am just whining.  

Here is a thought that does not involve whining:

I have never been thin.  My whole life has been overweight to morbidly obese.  It is all I know.  What if I am still over weight after the sleeve?   I mean, what if I am just not meant to be thin, ever?  When I met the doc the first time he asked me what brought me in, and my answer was because my doctor referred me.  He seemed pretty annoyed by the answer at the time, but it is very comical to me now.  I suppose he was looking for my fat story, but I don't have one.  I didn't gain weight after puberty or having a kid.  I started life fat.  If I do make it to "skinny", will it mess with my head?  Will I ever overcome the fat girl in my head?

Thanks for listening to me whine about waiting...and weighting.

I feel your pain. I did hear back in days, but my surgery still wont be until Feb. 18th!! It suuuuuucks!! It will get here though. Not much you can do but live your life until it gets here.

OK...take a deep breath.

I know you're hurting...it's obvious. Nothing any one posts will really help until you get your date. I went thru thesame  type of situation with the waiting. I had to look to see who your surgeon is because his office sounds a bit like mine. Ugh! It is very frustrating. I wanted my surgery but didn't get it until 2 yrs later. I'm not saying that will happen to you...but all the starts and stops stunk!!! But the time passes...and I truly believe I'm more successful now because of the time spent in between the waiting. I really believe things happen the way they should...I know that means little when you feel like you do. Trust me...you WILL get there...and you WILL find joy. You won't take it for granted and if you do what your surgeon says..YOU WILL BE SUCCESSFUL!

I never thought I'd have the surgery. I never thought I'd lose this much weight...EVER. And i never thought I'd be posting giving advice to someone else. Well...here i am.

You will be too. Really you will

~Deb

Thanks ladies! I would be completely lost without this website and all the people on it!

I can only address one part of your question, so here goes.

"What if...?"

What if you could lose 50 pounds right now and never gain them back? Would it be worth it? It would have been to me. If I'd never lost more than the first 35, it still would have been worth it.

I do intend to get to goal and may lower my goal and go further. I do believe you can do it, too.

But I also don't believe this is all or nothing. Seriously, if you get back to "overweight" after being "morbidly obese," you are going to feel and look so much better you will feel like a huge winner. I promise. When I weighed almost 160 pounds fifteen years ago I felt fat.  Now I am at that weight and feel thin. What's the difference?  I now know what fat is, and what it could have been if I hadn't done something drastic, and what it feels like, and I now look at myself and am proud of what I've done.

I'm not finished, but if I didn't lose another ounce, I'd still feel a huge triumph.

My approval took 45 days!!!! I had to end up doing some extra stuff, before they would approve me, after everything was submitted. Good luck, your time will come.