The "Fat Chick" mentality

Yes, this is random, but I wanted to share anyways.

Before I had my surgery, I was on this board ALL the time and I would always see posts from people who say they have lost the weight but inside still felt like the "fat chick".  Well, **** in my head, I think I was the opposite, I always felt like I looked good regardless, thats part of how I ended up so big in the first place.  I was okay with me, so I didnt stress about the fact that I was a "fat chick".  So I figured I would never be in that boat of still thinking I was big.

Skip ahead, I had surgery 1 Nov 2012, and am now down a total of 52 lbs (including pre-op).  I started off wearing size 20 jeans (tight as hell 20's) so finally I moved down to 18's Yay, go me!  i had been wearing them for a couple weeks and the other day I went to the store with my friend and we were looking at jeans, I grabbed some 18's, she was like um no, those are too big for you, of course I argued with her, but finally agreed to try on some 16's.  In the dressing room....SHUT UP!  Even the 16's were too big, I needed 14's and even those were close to loose.  How did this happen?  WHen in my head, Im like no, I still need my 18's.

Now, dont use this as something to compare to, I admit, I have no hips or ass...AT ALL, never have.  All my weight is carried in my stomach and boobs, so of course the jeans size went down quick.

But... I understand that mentality now. 

I STILL do this. I grab larges all the time. It took me forever to stop grabbing extra larges. It does take a while for the mind to adjust for sure!

This exactly!  I always thought  I was hot **** no matter my size, I was just raised that way.  I was not a fat child or young adult.  Starting gaining weight after childbirth.  Pre-baby was at 4 months 142 lbs, post baby was 162. Never saw myself as fat.  Now that I have lost some weight I think that I look like I have always looked.  One of my friends said to me "there's something wrong with you if you can't see a difference in a 80lb weight loss.  I feel you on this one, girl.

Right!  I mean, I can actually SEE it in my face and neck a little bit, but the rest of me, if the numbers werent going down, i wouldnt notice. Lol! 

Like you said...Hot **** no matter what!

I was/am a combination of BOTH. Talk about distorted body image! I felt fat, knew I was fat, but also always felt like, "This isn't ME, this doesn't look like me." Also, I really didn't "see" how fat I was until I saw myself in pictures. When I stood in front of a mirror looking straight ahead I looked slimmer. My sideview is what revealed the horror. LOL  So when I saw photos--yep, nightmare time.

What a relief to get my face back! That balloon face wasn't me. Now I'm looking in the mirror and seeing ME again. I think this is as important to me as the body. Wow. And, relief.

As for clothes sizes, my sizes are all over the map. I have a turntleneck I bought at a thrift store--soft merino wool, love it--and it's a small. It's formfitting but it looks good, and passed the "husband" test with flying colors. (He has very particular opinions on certain things, and tight clothes are things he really doesn't like. Doesn't like leggings on me unless my top is extra long, not just covering my bottom but midthigh, so passing the husband test means it really does fit nicely.) I have a pair of biking shorts that are stretchy and black and you'd think I could wear a smaller size, but no, they are XL and I couldn't wear them a bit smaller.

My jeans are 12s to 14s.

I'm still wearing a couple of my old 2x tops as tunics because I loved them and discovered they look great on my slimmer body.

All over the map.

Isn't it fun?

That is exactly me! I knew I was fat but in my head I never identified as a fat person. I was 120 lbs before I had kids so I always felt like I was on the inside looking out from another persons body!  When I take pictures from the neck up and I look pretty I think "that is me" but when I see a picture full body that someone else took?  It is horrifying.  It's like a slap in the face every time. 

I'm now at a weight I haven't seen since the early-early 90s, and in some ways I feel like, "This was me all along." Except I have a better shape today than I did back then. Which does not mean I have a good shape, mind you--still lost of flat and flab. But the flab and skin follow gravity down and I actually have the appearance of having a bit of a waistline, which I have never really had.  All my extra weight back then was in my belly, very round. So I would never wear a belt because it emphasized my apple shape and made me feel like a beach ball. This time around because of the sagging, I actually look okay with a belt.

Erm, yay for sagging skin and flab? LOL.

We'll see how the body look when I've lost another 20.

Yes, yes and again, yes! I never realized how big I'd gotten until I saw pictures of me now compared to my heaviest. I posted pictures a week or two ago and they still amaze me. Glad to have my face back more than anything - LOL! I still am wearing baggy 12's even though I'm sure I could wear smaller but am afraid to try and be disappointed - ain't that the ****s! I went from a 20 and 3X to 12 and large tops and people are telling me that I need new clothes, again because these are starting to bag. I never was one for wearing tight clothes. If I gained and my pants got tighter I'd buy the next size rather than try to squeeze into them and hang over the top with a muffin top. Hate to buy each size down though as I'm losing and figured I'd wait a little longer and go down 2 sizes and save some money - LOL!  Unless anyone has any 10's they want to send my way! haha  Isn't it glorious!!!!!!!!!!  Good job and keep up the good work!

I have other issues with the "fat chick mentality" but not shopping - im always trying to squeeze my ass into smaller sizes that I know probably wont fit. Once in a while I get surprised lol.

Me, too.