Guilt Over Surgery Decision

I am planning to have surgery for the sleeve in the summer of '14, self pay, as my insurance excludes all WLS.   My DH was first very much opposed, feeling this is something I should handle by diet.    But when I diet, all the weight comes back on, with friends.   I do realize this isn't brain surgery and have been going to counseling.   He finally came around, and even said he doesn't want me to have this done in Mexico, that I should have it done locally, even though it is twice as much.  Last night, though, he started talking about the surgery and all the sacrifices he will have to make for it.   We take turns with car payments and my car is almost paid off.  He feels that he will have to wait to get his new truck.  Then he said that he guesses that he will never be able to have some of the things that he wants, like a boat and a four wheeler.   I felt like such a selfish pig, even though I am going to go for the cheaper option and have surgery in Mexico with Dr. Aceves (I hear that he is a GREAT surgeon.)    Has anyone else struggled with this kind of guilt?  I am in so much pain from all my weight, and am miserable, but it doesn't seem fair to make him unhappy, either.

Hi

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this....really, a decision to save your life is not the same as hubby getting a fancy new toy.   You have to do this...you owe it to yourself and your family.  hopefully he will see how much healthier and happier you are once you have this done, and will realize it was the best decision for you all.

Sending my thoughts and prayers your way....you DO deserve this!

Too bad for him. Sorry to be so blunt, but it's your life. I am sure as a wife you have made sacrifices for him why can't he make a small one for you? If it were me, I would tell him straight out, don't tell me we are gonna do this and then every time we don't have money for something try to hold it over my head. It's my health and I want to do this and if you are going in this with me and are going to support me, then support me. If not then don't. If you have to, find another job that offers better insurance, then maybe thats what you have to do if he won't pay up. Don't let him hold you back. Hope I wasn't too blunt, just my opinion.

Your life and health are a lot more important than a new boat. Would he rather have a boat then see you healthy and, let's be real here, alive? That is his choice.

Sorry to say this, but he's a jerk. He has to know that your weight is an issue. He can do without a fricken 4-wheeler for another year or two. He hasn't died yet not having one, although you can die if you don't get your weight under control.

Tell him to grow up and grow a pair.

Yup

This. He can either livr a widower with new playthings, or a man with a healthy wife and older vehicles.

Sabotage. He's acting out. You can let him 'win' a new truck/boat/4wheeler or you can take your life back. I vote for taking your life back.

He will be able to have you!  That's more important then anything else.  It's a difficult decision and it can tear relationships a part, even strong ones.  My relationship has been a rollercoaster.  My insurance did pay but I had to fight for it.  I think at the core you might find that he is really just afraid of losing you and doesn't want anything bad to happen to you.  You'll be ok and you are taking the chance that can change your life.  You are doing the right thing for you.  Don't think twice about it.

Yes, I too felt guilty. I thought I maybe taking money away from something my family may need. I had surgery done in Oklahoma City and the total cost was $10,000. When I expressed the guilty feelings to my husband he told me he would rather have me around to help in the future, My husband has also told me many times how my attitude has changed for the better. Plus, you never know.....you may win the lottery someday. No one knows what the future holds........not even your husband........that is why you must live every moment as if it were your last.