So hard to watch a friend failing her RNY...

Oh my.

I have a friend I work with who had RNY 3 yrs ago. She's 20 yrs my senior and was such an inspiration to me. She was the " Well if SHE can do that...I sure can" person for me.

I've been watching her eat through her RNY for over a year now it's it's getting so sad...and now disturbing to watch.

Thursday a handful of us had a breakfast conference to attend. ( I LOVE breakfast!!) So I got my overeasy egg and 2 sausages (OK...I really planned only one...but it was so good...). She was right next to me...and she got eggs, sausages, bacon, scoops of fruit, banana and 2 pastries. And ate all but the banana. She sipped coffee right thru the meal while she ate...( I let mine get cold and drank it 30 min after my meal like always). My other friend glanced at me and the look was so sad.

Last night, our boss took 20 of us out for a big fancy schmancy dinner to celebrate a our facility being deficient free in our recent state survey. I begged a few friends of mine to sit near me so this other woman wouldn't. I could not bear to watch this again. Well my other friends got there too late...and this woman sat right next to me. I ordered the prime rib , 8 oz size...took about 5 oz home to enjoy over today/tomorrow. She got prime rib too ...but she got the 16 oz...and EVERYONE noticed and commented. She went on the defensive...about how it would last her for 4 meals. But she ate close to half of it ( on top of all the appetizers she had before).

I've tried to gently talk to her before...but she talks about how she feels so great since having her RNY...and she's been "playing" with 10 lbs over the past year. 10? She's put on at least 50-60.

I am NOT judging....I am scared. Scared for her ( Yes she dumps alot)...and scared for me. GOD am I scared. This can be me someday. I refuse to accept this as my destiny, and as my heart breaks for her...I must harden it for myself.

BTW-I got on the scale this morn...I'm down another lb...150 gone total! I credit my kettlebell for the boost!

One day at a time...we can do this...we don't ever have to go back. It's a choice. Make it.

Peace all!

~Deb

She's obviously in total denial, and there's not a thing you can do about that other than try to lead by example.  I feel she needs some therapy to figure out why she eats, and to gain tools that she can use when she wants to eat for more than physical hunger.  But you can't drag her to that.  She would need to want it, and she obviously doesn't right now.  Try and take a deep breath and let it go.  There's nothing you can do for someone who doesn't want your help.

Jane

Your story touched close to home for me.  I have an acquaintance who had the RNY about 6 years ago, and she was so enthusiastic and tried to convince me to have the surgery back then.  But I wasn't ready. 

Well, a few months ago, when I finally decided to do the surgery, I called her, and she told me she had lost 150 pounds, and had gained 100 back.  When I asked what went wrong, she told me she "grazes."  She never stopped drinking liquids with meals.  Her life is stressful.  She works long hours, and never developed a routine to eat healthy. 

This scared the pants off me!  She was so hopeful and committed when she was first starting, and all that struggle to be back where she began!  I tell you, it helped me commit to this process.  I started my diet the day I went in for my initial evaluation and I haven't strayed a bit.  No food funerals, no cheating.  No snacking. 

Her story helped me understand how vulnerable I am.  If I don't manage this process, I could follow in her footsteps.  I could see it happening, and I'm terrified.  I do hope I can get to the point where I can indulge occasionally, and get back on track, like many people do, but I'm not convinced I can handle it.  So I'm sticking to the program like my life depends on it.  I think it does.

Carol

"Her story helped me understand how vulnerable I am."

I think this is a very powerful statement and one we all need to acknowledge and not forget.  

Agree!

"LIKE"

Cappy - I'm just like you, started changing my eating the day I met with my surgeon and never looked back. The fear of falling off the wagon and regaining is huge. Once in a while I may indulge but 99.99% of the time I'm eating clean, not drinking with my meals, and exercising daily. I do see people who went to the same Doctor as me get to the point where they stop tracking or they are adding in drinking with their meals. You also will hear the excuse "I had this surgery so I would eat less but still be able to have, cookies, candy, ice cream ect". This surgery can change your life if you are willing to change your life, not just for the short term but forever!

As a former smoker I know that if I have a single cigarette I could be back into the addiction... same is true for me and certain food, I would rather do without and be healthy and fit. Its all about how much you want it and how much you want to keep it!

I am someone who has regained weight and I can only speak from my experience that I am highly addicted to simple carbs and I need to stay the heck away from them. I learned when I was trying to get back on track that I actually physically reacted to carbs like a crack head. Some people are not as carb sensitive as others and I tell you being Italian and marrying a Latino it is tough because those two cultures are carbo-load heaven, I gained 62lbs in 6 months and this was including a couple of times I tried to get on track and lost 10 lbs like 4 separate times in that 6 months. I know for me it was letting go of the shame. I maybe only experienced denial with the first ten pounds telling myself I still looked good and it wasn't noticeable. But after those 10 pounds I knew what I was doing to myself and I berated and beat myself up about it which only made things worse. Luckily I had lost 165lbs so I was still at a loss of over 100 pounds. When I realized I was inching closer to losing that 100 lb lost benchmark and celebrating my grandmothers B-Day(I want to live a long healthy life like her) I knew I needed to turn things around. I started going back on OH for support and going back to my hospital support group meetings. All these things have helped tremendously and I have lost 31 of the 62 pounds regained. This journey can be hard at times. But we all deserve to be healthy. The truth is, like another poster responded, only your co-worker can want this for themself. She has to make the decision that enough is enough. Denial is part of the addiction process. Maybe she too is struggling with food addiction of some sort or she maybe really doesn't care idk. The only thing you could maybe do is ask her if she wants to attend a support group meeting with you or something. Be supportive and maybe inch her towards getting help. If not, bru**** off, because unfortunately we can only save ourselves and you don't want to compromise your own journey. I wish you and your co-worker well.

Amen sista!!!

Tirza, thank you so much for sharing your experiences with such honesty.  You are going to help people by posting that, including myself.

I'm so proud of you for getting back on track!