Why My Biggest Fear is Gaining Back Weight

I gained weight over time and never noticed the difference in the things I couldn’t do or how I was living my life as a fat person.  Now that I have lost some weight and I was still fat just a few months ago, I have a recent comparison time that is still fresh in my memory.  Now that things are different, my greatest fear; greater than dying, greater than showing up to class naked for a final exam I forgot about, far greater than finding myself destitute, my greatest fear is going back to being 555 lbs.

Now that I’ve tasted the good life, I never again want to:

-Have to dread clothes shopping because it is expensive and impossible to find clothes that fit.

-Struggle to walk a few hundred feet from a parking lot to a sporting event/store/etc.

-Have to constantly calculate where I step so flooring/steps/planks don’t creak/break below me.

-Be the only person sweating

-Avoid social situations due to my appearance and fear that furniture will not fit or hold me

-Need someone else to tie my shoes

-Constantly worry a button will pop or a seam will rip and I will have to embarrassingly leave

-Be embarrassed by seat belt extenders

-Always use the handicapped stall

-Need a special ambulance unit in case of emergency

-Stare at the damn donuts on the meeting table wanting one but not eating one because everyone will know I’m a pig

-Know I am the biggest person in the room

-Live in the constant fear that I will embarrass myself and my family by dying young of obesity related complications and have to be buried in an oversized coffin only adding to my family’s shame and depression.

Well, these are just a few of the reasons gaining back weight is truly my largest fear.  If you care to share (and if you feel this way), I would like to know yours.  I include the attached picture of Lisa and me from last week in which I am still way overweight, but far better than before as a reminder to myself of the good life.

Tom

Your post made me cry because I feel exactly the same way.  I just got the sleeve because I kept failing at loosing weight and it is working for me but I am TERRIFIED of gaining again.  I can't tell you how many times I lost 50 pounds and gained it back again; for the last several years I've needed to loose 100+ so that seemed impossible!  Like you - this is my chance but I am worried as well.

- I HATE buying clothing.  They don't fit well on me.

- I hate walking anywhere EVER since I sweat!

- I haven't had to use a seatbelt extended (weight other places) but have been told that I needed to wait until the next flight on a puddle jumper due to weight restrictions.  Also had the same issue taking a helicopter in Hilo.  I was so embarrassed that they had to weight balance the helicopter because of me.

- I was mortified at a water park where they had a weight limit of 240 pounds to ride.  I was 235 pounds at the time, but that was in the morning, naked.  When I got up to the ride on the tube, they froze the ride, and put me on the "double" tube (400 lb rated), but EVERYONE in the line behind me knew that I caused the problem.

- Where I live, everyone is normal weight or skinny.  There is a lot of social pressure to fix it.  I felt stupid that I couldn't.

- I started breaking stuff.  We had lounge chairs by our pool that we paid $300 each and I sat on one of them and it ripped.  I was SHOCKED that I broke my teak chair.  I started panicking about everything. 

- So - seat belt extenders - never had to do one of those but it is miserable jamming my ass in a regular seat.  I wanted to visit Europe again in October but no way unless I lost weight.  It is SO MISERABLE flying 10 +hours unless I am closer to 200 pounds.  I'm dealing with 4-hours to Puerto Rico in November.  I hope to be closer to 200 by then (prob 210-220 which is OK).

 

Yeah, lawn chairs. I forgot that one. I actually bought a folding chair rated for 1000 lbs. it cost $200.00. Hell, I think it weighs 200 lbs.

Dear Tom -

We all have that fear. Here we are enjoying success and the little voice inside our head says it won't last- we have lost weight before and gained it back. I am praying that I have learned to do better. The sleeve helps the restriction and hopefully will be the Jimminy Cricket to help remind us to do better.

My list:

My feet hurt all the time due to multiple foot surgeries- they don't hurt anymore.

When my husband wanted to go someplace to a party to see people we had not seen in many years I did not want to go. I always had beautiful clothes but I did not feel beautiful. I was embarrassed.

I come from big families. None of my cousins lived to be 80. I am the youngest at 64. I want to live a healthy life and be there to see my grandson grow up. I want to be able to sit on the floor and play with him. I can do that now .

I have worked full time my adult life. I want to be able to retire and enjoy an active life. I don't want to sit on the sidelines in a chair because activities are too much for me. I don't want my life to just be a series of doctors' visits. I have a lot to do!

I am just at the beginning of my journey but even now feel so much better. My thinner face and body look like my younger self. Because I am squirrel I still had clothes to fit because I could not throw them out. I have alot of energy. I am not hungry and sleep well at night.

Best wishes,Tom, on your journey. We are all here side by side.

Nancy

Thanks Nancy and continue on. Good times are ahead for you.

I could relate to all you said.  From hard-to-find expensive clothes, to not fitting into a booth, to seat belt extenders, to struggling to tie my shoes.  I am terrified of losing control and gaining the weight back.  This has made me diligent. I avoid carbohydrates like my life depends on it.  In fact, it does. 

 But on a positive note,  I think the weight loss surgery changes our bodies in ways we don't understand.  Its not just about restriction.  It feels like a reset on our metabolism and energy management system.  I think things are different.  I don't know why its working, but I am so hopeful for a healthier, more active future. 

Its so good to have this forum where we can find people who understand this very personal struggle.

You look great in the picture.  Great job working that sleeve. 

best wishes,

Carol

I agree, it feels different this time. I have seen people completely fail with this and other WLS. We don't want to be among that group.

This post came at a time when I needed it most. I have gained in the last few weeks not a lot but I have not followed my plan like I should. I guess the fear never really goes away because we have all been there before. My list:

Not fitting into a booth at a diner.
Wondering if a chair will support my weight.
Not wearing a seat belt because it would not stretch that far.
Wearing clothes that have no shape.
Not being able to walk 3 feet without having to sit down and rest.
Not being able to fit into a bath tub.
Trying on clothes and none fit.

Bathtub. Taking baths are AWESOME!

This post is very close to many fears, situations, and emotions that most of us have in common. We think and evaluate things that don't even cross a "normal" person's mind. Some things are rarely discussed because of the shame.

Thanks for giving us a reality check. We are all fighting the fat demons. And hopefully each of us share in the victory. Our sleeve is a great tool to help us along the way.

Great pic! Handsome.

Kelli