Vent/Rant/Advice Please!

Tomorrow will be 8 weeks out and I see the doctor and NUT next Monday.    I feel like if I look at everything in its totality I'm doing great, I'm down almost 60 lbs since my initial consultation with the surgeon in July.  When I saw my doctor last month he said I was doing great.  Now that I'm more recovered and I actually have progressed all the way through my diet progression I've put myself into some situations where I should have exercised better control and am feeling very down on myself.  I asked my NUT last time for some guidelines like in terms of calories.  Our book says 1000 - 1200 and based on everything I've read here that is too much.  But she assured me as long as I get my protein in I am restricted so much as I really don't have to worry about that.  Well, I am not entirely sure that is true because I've experienced times when I could eat more than I thought I could so obviously that is not really that prohibitive if your head is not 100% in the game.

Last week I had to go to a conference from work.  I tried to make the best decisions I could but there were not a lot of options and all of our meals were provided (the old me would have been in heaven, unlimited pop, cookies, etc).  Basically those two days I had a stomachache the entire time.  It was awful.  I got back home and got myself back on trac****il work decided to be nice and get us lunch from my favorite Mexican restaurant.  I made a way better choice than I would pre surgery and ate about 1/3 of the lunch portion and had the other half minus the rice the next day.  I went out with a friend and we split an appetizer and I ate too much again.  Yesterday I had breakfast with my grandma and I got an omelet and I managed to eat it over the course of 4 servings but I guess where I am going with all of this is that I am kind of giving myself a moratorium on eating anything that doesn't come out of my kitchen.  I feel lame to do this.  I had so much strength the last weeks.  My grandma has been in the hospital/nursing home for about a month now and I have handled just about everything with that being her power of attorney.  And I did have urges to eat but I did not and I my strength was more than I thought I had.  What happened that now I am making stupid choices?  And, frankly, I am terrified because this coming weekend I am supposed to be attending a convention for my Jaycee chapter and I feel like I am going to be going into the same sort of  no-man's land in terms of food and also I know that there is a lot of drinking involved, something I do not intend to participate in at all.  We are supposed to get protein bars cleared with a nutritionist before we eat them, and I think I should ask her because at least if I had those if there wasn't a good choice (and I know the difference) I could just rely on eating a Quest bar and feeling very in control of my decisions again instead of just picking the best option (which may be a really crappy option but is the best of what's out there.)

Also, on Saturday our Jaycee chapter put on a 5K and one of the runners is a guy I admire so much, he is dating a friend of mine and he had RNY surgery around 2 years ago and this summer he ran the San Francisco 1/2 marathon.  So I finally got to meet him (we had just been chatting on fb) and he said what really keeps him on track is a fit bit.  So I am thinking about getting one of those.

So I guess if I could get advice...I am thinking of getting really serious and telling myself to reach my goals I need 600 calories, 60 - 80 grams of protein a day and very low carbs (under 20?)  Is this a good way to make progress with 4 - 5 days a week going to the gym?  Also thoughts on fitbit and if you have any suggestions for what you do when eating out or going into a conference or something where things are unfamiliar (I don't like salads, like I will physically throw up if I try to eat one and unfortunately I am not exaggerating) or if some of you have decided you're just not going to go there.  I guess I just really feel like a failure right now and I want to turn around this self loating into an action plan that is going to help me get through this time.  I knew it would be the difficult part when I had options and I want to nip this in the bud.  

Thank you!

{{theladyelsie}}  It's so tough in the beginning, especially in a life such as you describe where you are juggling a lot of responsibilities and outside activities.

Don't feel lame about ANYTHING you do to stay on plan and work toward your goals.  This is literally your life, it's in your hands.  You went the additional step of having a powerful WL tool crafted for you by your surgeon.  Use it to its best advantage! 

My first question:  are you telling people that you've had  this surgery?  If so, then you can pack things in a small cooler bag with ice pack, like premixed protein shakes, reduced-fat string cheese sticks, reduced-fat Laughing Cow cheese wedges, small containers of measured amounts of deli ham or turkey, tuna or chicken salads made with a small amount of reduced-fat mayo ...  There are lots of high-protein options.   You can whip out your bag o' healthy food when the others are chowing down on stuff that's off-plan for you, and you're all set.

If you have chosen not to disclose the fact of your surgery, well, then it's trickier.  You could still do the above, but you would have to decide how to handle any inquiries that might come your way as to why you're eating what you're eating. 

To me, as it's my life on the line, I do what I have to do and don't worry about what others might say or think.  I have freely shared the news of my surgery with people, in part because people saw me dropping so much weight so quickly and feared that it was due to some drastic illness. Other people are more private with that disclosure, which of course is their right.

Re the calorie limit you were given, I will share what my own plan says about that.  The 1,000-1,200 calorie limit in my plan is a limit for people who have reached maintenance, not for people who are in active WL mode.  That's just how we roll.  I personally eat under 700 calories/day and get between 90 and 100 g of protein a day, but as you can imagine I've had to work my way up to that.  Previous to this I was eating closer to 550-600 calories per day.  I am not recommending that you do that, but merely am relating my own experiences.  I don't know your medical history or what your plan tells you to do. 

In our plan we are told to go for measured/weighed amounts dense, lean proteins first, always, then add small amounts of green vegetables if we still have room in a meal without overeating.  I have made the personal choice to avoid added carbs, as I do get carbs in my daily vitamins and supplements and in with my food choices.  Not everyone does low-carb, though, as you probably know if you've been around this board for a while.

Have you actually eaten Quest bars before?  Some people do fine with them, but others (like me) don't even buy them because it might be a trigger food which would unleash the carb monster, as the expression goes.  There are other ways to go for that portable protein without resorting to protein bars.  Just sayin'.

I have no experience with Fitbit, so I can't address that.  I'm sure you'll get helpful replies, though.  :)

Hope there is something helpful to you in here somewhere.  Hang in there!

Yikes!  I forgot to mention the all-important hydration issue as well.  Please try to keep your hydration up as per your plan.  Your body needs that fluid. 

You are definitely not a failure.  You are only two months out and you have gone through a major surgery.  You just need to get your head up to speed with your new tummy.

I would suggest taking time alone to sit down and have a serious talk with yourself.  Decide what your plan of action is going to be moving forward.  Before you buy a fitbit, I would suggest tracking all your food and exercise on a free site like MyFitnessPal or SparkPeople.  You can even buy a 2 dollar notebook and track it the old fashioned way.  Just start being more mindful of what you are eating and how much exactly.  Then evaluate your plan.  Set your goals for proteins, calories and carbs. Figure out what foods will help you accomplish those goals. Write them down and then go buy them. Stock them in your pantry and fridge. Try to eat at home more than you do now.

A big thing that helped me was finding foods that traveled well with me. String cheese, 100 calorie almond packs, ready to drink Protein shakes, etc.  These foods are going to be instrumental in helping you stay on track. Being prepared (mentally and physically) is huge for me. I set my plan and stick to it. The more specific I am, the better. Yes, there are times when I can't control everything or something unexpected comes up but if you have your plan set and you know what you are going to eat, you are less likely to stray.  There is almost always an option for me that fits my plan in any restaurant.  Even if you don't like salad, a bunless burger or a grilled chicken breast is almost always available.

Good luck and I know you will figure this out! It just takes time but you can do it!! :-)

Ah, go easy on yourself - this is a learning experience for all of us!  You're still relatively early in the post-surgical process and will figure out what works for you.  And BTW, you are doing fantastic - it seems a common thread amongst many of us that we don't acknowledge our own successes, but instead dwell on our failures!  

I have the Fitbit and like it very much.  If you're trying to increase your activity level in a general way, it's a nice tool to have.  I also use Endomondo.com to track my walking and (gasp, yes!) running.  There's a free version you can download to your phone if you want to try it out.  I'm a geek, so I have the paid version (about $20 a year) that integrates with my heart rate monitor (yes, another toy) and helps me improve my workouts.

My best advice is to make exercise a habit.  It took me 3 or 4 months, but now I feel like I'm missing out if I don't get outside and walk or run every day for at least 30 minutes.  The fresh air and sunshine really help with the mood too, especially now that the days are getting shorter.  If a gym or getting outside isn't an option, check out Keith's beginner exercises - most of them can be done at home.  

You're doing really well - internalize that and keep moving forward - this is a marathon, not a sprint!

Please search the forums for Frisco's advice on "Undereating your Sleeve."  Having a stomach ache from eating isn't a good way to go... you're in a great honeymoon period right now, and it makes sense to make the most of it.

I did pretty much what you're talking about - I HAD to take control of my own food - For me, eating out, and eating what others provided, well,  I just couldn't handle it very well in the beginning.  So to the extent possible I just stopped doing that.  It's not always possible in life, of course, but if you can control things for a while, and 90% of the time, you'll do fine... I still don't like eating out, but I can handle it better now.

I'll echo what everyone else is saying and beg you not to beat up on yourself.   You're really new and having to learn how to eat differently AND how to handle situations that come up.  I travel a lot for work and have had to attend some conferences and meetings in the last few months too (I'm only 4 months out so I can relate to where you're at.)  Let me tell you what works for me...

If there is a need to explain (many times there isn't) I simply tell people I'm on a high-protein/low carb diet for my diabetes and that shuts them up.  I eat a portion of meat that I know is appropriate, a couple bites of veggies and call it a meal.   I haven't found a restaurant yet that I can't manage to eat at and stick pretty close to this game plan.  At conferences, I don't eat ANY sugar....in fact, I don't eat any sugar at all because I'm a big addict and if I take one bite then I'll eat it ALL.  And of course I drink my water and carry it with me wherever I go. 

For this latest trip that I'm on away from home, I packed my own snacks in an insulated cooler bag.  I go down to the hotel breakfast, eat an egg, grab a couple skim milks and take them back to the room to make my protein shake for later in the morning.  Then I stick a string cheese in my purse, a take a can of chicken and some mayo packets with me to the office.  At lunch time I whip up my chicken salad.   I have some turkey sausage snacks in my purse for later in the afternoon.  And again - I can always find something at a restaurant or room service menu for dinner.  I won't be eating it all but oh well!

The other thing I do is religiously log my food A DAY AHEAD of time in My Fitness Pal. Every night I make a plan for what I'm going to eat the next day, I log it in and see if I'm hitting the protein goal, carb goal, calorie goal, etc. It doesn't help me at all to log it after I eat it and see that I've gone over for the day. 

I hope this helps you - and by the way, at 4 months out I haven't touched a salad yet. 

Hi!  now I am on these boards for a while I see sooooo many with the same problem as me - beating up on yourself.  and I have to say when I see other people doing it, it doesn't look good, so hopefully this will motivate me to get out of the negative mindset as well.  My only comment/advice is to try to stop doing that first.  The main question I asked myself when reading your post was "How is a 60lb loss bad/failing when you only had surgery on August 3rd?  A glass half full person might look at that as a success, especially since you have been under stress!!!

Good luck!

Thank you everyone for the suggestions/advice/listening/support/encouragement.  It means a lot to me.

I've taken some time to really think and I think I start feeling like a failure because my mind isn't 100% focused on my goal (and it had been.)  I just keep getting scared like even after going through surgical modification of myself that my old way of doing things would take over and I would end up regaining.  I've lost weight before and then gained it back and in the back of my head when I feel like that I just think...this is no different.  Not seeing the scale budge at all just kind of cemented that sort of self-destructive behavior in my head.  I've come around already...last night I came home and cooked 2 lbs of fish for my meals and I've got my bag packed for the gym this evening.  In that sense I do feel different...the old me would have stopped at Buffalo Wild Wings after work and got wings, queso, and dessert nachos.  

It's like I feel like I have to relearn how to cope with negative feelings because I can't just eat them away anymore.  

ARgggh so much I want to say, more later.