I have noticed that I am down 72 lbs since my highest weight of 310 lbs. But when I look in the mirror I am not satisfied with my looks and I feel more insecure now than I did when I was 300 and something lbs. Crazy huh?! Is anyone else feeling like this? I realize I have come a long way but I had surgery nearly three months ago and I'm only down 25lbs. I lost 47 prior to surgery.
I feel okay when I look in the mirror with clothes on... but in my skivvies or less, I feel the same. I nearly cried in the dressing room of Kohl's over the weekend trying on bras.
I keep telling myself this isn't about looking good, it's about being healthy and alive, but I know it's affecting my relationship with my husband. He has told me I look good to him, always will... but I can't shake that niggling feeling.
He has also promised me that when I'm down to my goal wait, he'll find a way to get me surgery (if insurance won't cover) to help me feel good about myself.
But yeah... I know where you're coming from.
I hid behind my fat when I was 274 pounds. Now, I don't have anywhere to hide. I was helped immensely by going to a therapist.
As for the weight loss, stay on your plan, and it should come off. If you work it, it will work for you!
HW: 274 | SW: 232 | CW: 137 | Goal: 145 (ticker includes a 42 pound loss pre-op) | Height: 5'4"
M1: -24 (205) | M2: -14 (191) | M3: -11 (180) | M4: -7 (173) | M5: -7 (166) | M6: -8 (158) | M7: -11 (147) | M8: -2 (145) | M9: -3 (142) | M10: -2 (140) | M11: -4 (136) | M12: -2 (134) | M13: -0 (134) | M14: -3 (131) | M15: +4 (135) | M16: +2 (137)
It takes time for your brain to catch up to your body. I've lost over 80 lbs since surgery and still see the fat girl in the mirror. I don't see myself that differently, but I have to say that, logically, I know that I AM smaller considering that I've gone from a size 24 pants down to a 16. Some days I see it more than others. The brain-body connection is such a strange thing. Therapy isn't an option for me with my insurance plan and my current finances, so I've spent a lot of time standing in the mirror. One thing that the counselor that did my psych eval suggested that I have found helpful (if not strange at first) was to look at myself in the mirror EVERY DAY... Naked. So now, right before I hop in the shower, I take a moment to evaluate changes. I FORCE myself to see something that is different from last week. A roll here or there that is smaller, or my newly rediscovered collar bones, or my shrinking double chin. It helps. Sometimes we just have to MAKE ourselves see it in order to help the brain catch up.
Something else that a lot of people do is to compare photos... I haven't done this (mostly because I've been too lazy to actually do it!), but I can see how a side-by-side comparison would work wonders.
VSG 7/1/13 with Dr. Jack Rutledge 28 y/o female - 5'10" - HW: 298 - GW: 174 - SW: 290 (-8) - M1: 262 (-28) - M2: 247 (-15) - M3: 235 (-12) - M4: 228 (-7 ~First Stall: almost 2 wks~) - M5: 218 (-10) - M6: 209 (-9) - M7: 199 (-10) Onederland on 1/31 - M8: 196 (-3) 100 lb total loss on 2/2 - M9: 192.6 (-3.4) - M10: 188.6 (-4) - M11: 182 (-6.6) - M12: 175.6 (-6.4) - M13: 173.8 (-1.8) CW (7/8/15): 167 - GOAL reached in 1 Year and 25 Days! - TOTAL WL - 131 lbs
I definitely still see the fat girl in the mirror. I used to avoid mirrors, cameras...I was in denial about the extent of my weight problem. Having surgery and starting to lose weight put a greater focus on what I truly looked like. I couldn't be in denial about it anymore. Once I started looking in the mirror more and taking pics, I realized just how big I was when I started. And now I've lost nearly 90 pounds, but I am still not seeing that loss when I look in the mirror. In a way, the increased attention I am paying to my looks has made me more insecure than I was back when I was in denial at 280 pounds. I wonder if I will ever like what I see in the mirror, without some therapy or something. So, I guess I am trying to say I think I understand what you are saying here.
This takes a lot of patience. The problems didn't magically arise and they aren't going to magically disappear. Every day I look at the before and after photos of the people that came before on this forum. It's one thing to see how much smaller their bodies are, but the best thing is to see the sheer joy on some of their faces. That's what I hold on to.