Food addiction and enablers
We've all seen My 600 lb Life and the people surrounding the morbidly obese person plying them with food as they shrug their shoulders like "meh..what am I supposed to do? They have to eat..." Invariably the food is fried, high carb, high sugar, high fat and smothered in sauce and in large portions.
I heard a variation of this the other day. Basically, it said that.. meh, you've been eating on plan, it's OK to have that cookie/cake/candy bar because you deserve it for being so good.
This is a classic phrase used by addicts and enablers, both. We are obese people with a food addiction learning new ways to eat and working day in and day out to learn habits that will last us the rest of our life. The goal here isn't to lose weight, although that's certainly nice, it's to learn new habits and become obese people in remission aka maintenance.
It's dangerous ground and a very slippery slope when the conversation veers from ..yes, you slipped, it happens, it's regrettable, get back on plan and consider this a lesson learned..to this: you deserve it, you've been so good.
You know what we deserve? Good health. Good eating habits. Good exercising habits. Losing the weight we set out to lose by having 80% of our stomachs cut out. Getting into maintenance and maintaining our weight loss from the months or years of laying a solid foundation compromised of those right choices, exercise and keeping our head in the right place.
Lapses do happen, and they are regrettable, but get your head back in the game, find out why it happened and take steps to avoid that trigger in the future. That's what we deserve.
Really great post. It is a process for sure and the process is layered! Thanks for posting this. I watch my 600 pound life to try to learn new things. I can't for the life of me understand how people right out of surgery can eat so much, I'm 5 months out and can still only dal like half an egg or very little chicken, it's weird to me......
on 3/1/14 11:12 pm
I watch my 600 lb life too and am just shocked by their behavior. It seems like most of them (the ones I have watched) were not prepared to change at all. It takes them several months to get on plan.
I have noticed that my mom is a complete enabler. I know she loves me and is just trying to make me happy, what she doesn't realize it that putting me in situations with my favorite foods just makes it harder for me. I have not given in, but I think I need to speak with her about it.
on 3/1/14 11:32 pm
I set some boundaries with my family when I told them that I was having sleeve surgery. I told them that I will be eating to my nutritional plan per my Dr and nutritionist. I asked them to not offer me any food or food advice. If it is on my plan then I will eat it. I was three weeks out during the holidays. They did forget to not put things right in front of me! I decided to just move it away and not say anything. I also have told my friends the same thing. I am firm with enablers. I dont think that i need to eat something because I have "been good". So I am going to eat something off plan that will not be positive and hinder my progress? In watching the 600 lb life I see that the enablers are not doing things to make the person feel good but to make it easier for themselves. They dont want to say no. Immediate gratification is another demon. I dont have to eat something because I WANT IT. I sound like a child having a temper tantrum in a store because they want a particular toy! I have done enough of that! I may stumble but I dont plan on staying on the ground. I will get up and get back on track with the next bite, meal or snack! My best reward is the return to and maintaining good health. That beats the heck out of a cookie!
on 3/2/14 1:43 am
Thank you for a very constructive post! :)
on 3/2/14 1:47 am
I too watch that show because my mother does and I sit with her in the evenings. However, I do not eat so much like the people on this show. I do not eat gravies, splather things with sauces, chips, fried foods, many of what I see them eat. Maybe that is why I have not yet reached 600 lbs. Yet I resent the fact that my fault is sweets as I do not go back for seconds and I use 6" salad plates for dinner plates. So, I have got to get off the sugar!!
I watch this show, but I liked season 1 so much better than the current season. I feel like they've picked this season's candidates based on how dysfunctional their families are :/
I'm glad that my family is on board with my change and are completely supportive of me and my new life. I did have to have a discussion with one of my partners about not being food police for me. But we came to the agreement that he's allowed to question my food choices if he's worried I'm doing physical harm to myself.
VSG with Dr. Salameh - 3/13/2014
Diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder and started Vyvanse - 7/22/2016
Reconstructive Surgeries with Dr. Michaels - 6/5/2017 (LBL & brachioplasty), 8/14/2017 (UBL & mastopexy), 11/6/2017 (medial leg lift)
Age 42 Height 5'4" HW 319 (1/3/2014) SW 293 (3/13/2014) CW 149 (7/16/2017)
Next Goal 145 - normal BMI | Total Weight Lost 170