Whatcha gonna do with all that extra skin?

"Whatcha gonna do with all that extra skin?"

Yep, a real question asked of me this morning.  Not that I'm showing much skin, but certain logical leaps are simple when you see a 6 foot tall, four foot wide man become a two 1/2 foot wide man.  At first I was taken aback a bit at the abruptness of the question, but I figure if one person is going to ask, more will as well.  So, it's time to come up with some really good answers! Please feel free to add to them below.  

I'll get us started:

• I'm going to put a bar through the skin in my back. Then, every time my skin feels loose, I'll reach back and turn it until everything tightens up again.  I figure if I get skinny enough and twit it tight enough, and put the bar in just the right place, I can pull off a full blown tail by next fall!
• I'm saving it all up, and then when I get enough I'm going to remove all the baldness from the top of my head and sew the parts with hair together.  I'll look like a reverse monk, but I won't be bald anymore. Plus if I do it properly, I'll always be smiling! (think of the bisual on that)
• Have you seen 'The Silence of the Lambs'?  My wife wants a new dress, and it's hard to get a hitchhiker in the car these days.  "It puts the lotion on the skin or it gets the hose!"
• One word:  Ghoulash. (spelling intended)
• There's this amazing skin bank in Pittsburgh that uses the skin to make footballs for the NFL without pork.  I always wanted to be in the NFL!
• I'm writing a book, and all the best books are leather bound.... (Just ask Ron Burgundy)
• I'd always wanted a tattoo, but I'm also a do-it-yourselfer.  I'm saving it up as practice space!
• Two words:  weenie extension!
• I'm keeping it as a motivational tool for when I run.  The applause keeps me going!
• It will become an all natural ****yx cushion.
• I'm Jewish.  I'm going to bury it in the front yard for good luck. 
• I'm Christian. I'm going to give it to needy skinny people. 
• I'm Buddhist.  I'm going to share it with everyone equally.
• I'm Muslim.  I'll be buried reverently with the belly button pointed to Mecca, we'll mourn, and then we'll party for three days.
• I'm Atheist.  I really couldn't care less as long as it isn't wasted pointlessly.  
• I'm Satanist.  We'll stab it with a funky knife, pour goat blood on it, and then listen to Elvis and Metallica. 
• I believe the Matrix is real.  If we're in the matrix, then it's simply electrons that can be removed.  If we aren't in the matrix, they'll be liquified and fed intravenously to those still in the matrix. Call me Neo. 
• I'm a hipster.  I'm going to recycle it into a cool messenger bag to keep my obscure band bootlegs in at the back door coffee shop nobody has heard of. 
• I'm a fashionista.  I've commissioned Galliano to make something FABULOUS for me!
• Three words: Teriyaki People Jerky.  
• You know, with all the connective tissue in skin, I bet if we cook it properly I can make some amazing all natural soap from this stuff.  You want some!  You would wash yourself with ME!  Do you want Irish Spring Me or Musky Me? 

Yes people, they are all jokes. 

Balloon animals! 

I'm going to donate it to the burn center at the hospital.

Now THIS is a good answer. I wonder if it could be done?

My skin was to damaged for them to accept.  Hopefully you'll have been luck

This is a very old myth, and there is no truth to it. The most common version is that you can get no cost or reduced cost plastic surgery by donating your excess skin.

Our skin has no value to burn centers. None. I have yet to hear of one that will take it.

Michael....your posts make me laugh everyday...thank you!

Thanks for the chuckle today Michael.  This was very entertaining!

I hope no one really asked you what you were gonna do with the extra skin ... what kind of question is that really?

I would have said, "For reals?!?!"  Geez... LOL

 

Sadly, yes.  It was asked on the elevator.  A very full elevator.  They were trying to pay me a compliment, but it probably sounded better in their head.  Given it was monday morning and I'd just finished in the gym my "filter" was screwed on really tight.  I won't tell you what I actually said, but I will tell you that while I'm skipping the Chiante I may actually have the fava beans for lunch... 

 Your post made me laugh this morning.But it does kind of make you mad and wonder what they heck?I love the stupid crap that people ask you. You have worked very hard to.

I had someone who I know but not friends with if I had cancer the other night.She is not a friend or someone I would hang out with.I said to her do I look like I have cancer, do I look like I am sick? You feel like a deer in the headlights when asked stupid **** Maybe next time ask them if they want the extra skin?