My 17yr old

I am in need of some advice. I had vsg surgery and to date I have lost about 100 pounds. My daughter really needs to have it as well but she doesn't want too. Should I force her to have it? She is 365 pounds and 17yrs old. I think she is more scared than anything. Thanks in advance for your help. 

No you should not force her!  

Education is the best option - take her to your support group meetings, take her to a information session with a surgeon, is she seeing a therapist?  That might be a good option too.  

But forcing her to have surgery is a horrible idea and one that I doubt any surgeon would go along with.  

I would say you can absolutly not force her to do something she doesn't want to do. If you were able to find a surgeon who was willing to do it against her will then it probably wouldn't work for her like it worked for you. You really have to want it, in order for it to work. Maybe try to educate her more about the procedure/benifits.

How do you force a 17 year old to do ANYTHING? Quite seriously, the surgical approach requires the person to be committed, compliant and really into the post op life in order to be successful. For that to happen she would really need to want it. Otherwise it may do her more harm than good. Keep talking to her and show her by your example and perhaps she will come to want it herself. I wouldn't force this solution on her. I think it would be quite impossible to do.

No. I get that you are concerned for her health, and should be, but she will resent you.

If I were you I'd tell her that if you could have had surgery when you were her age you would have and if your going to force her to do anything I would take her to a WLS informational meeting and/or support meeting.

Like other posters have said. Education is key. If you were to force her she would probably not be compliant. She needs to be ready to the highest degree to have this surgery like anyone else.

Good luck!

My mother mentioned Lap Band to me a few years ago and I was furious with her.  I felt very judged.  The best thing you can do is love her and give her support when she asks.  

This article is great.  I would recommend it.  http://jacksoncarterspeaks.com/2014/04/07/a-lesson-about-bei ng-fat-for-those-of-you-who-arent/

Thank you for the article link. It is awesome. Something he said at the end about not being perfect really hit home. I realized shortly after my surgery that I was telling myself and others. "I can't have that." I realized that if I reformed the thought and voice in my head to say "I choose not to have this or I choose TO have this." making it a conscious decision in a positive manner. It has changed my whole approach.

I agree, you can't force a seventeen year old to do anything!  However, I think as parents it's our job to protect our children, even if it's from themselves... I may not have taken care of myself, but I will not allow my children to develop unhealthy habits (food and otherwise) while they're in my home. I'm scheduled for surgery next week. It's been years and years of unhappiness and depression, and I WISH my parents had given me some direction when I was younger, even though I wasn't overweight as a child or teen... the habits that were forming in their home stayed with me. I was given no guidance or direction concerning food or exercise (even though everyone in my family is normal to mildly overweight) I get angry that my mother let me eat Doritos and Coke for lunch all during high school, even if I only weighed 100 lbs! It set me up for failure. Parents have so many worries now days as it is, but anything you can do for your children now--even if she doesn't want to take your advice--it will stay with her, and one day may make the difference!

I agree, you can't force a seventeen year old to do anything!  However, I think as parents it's our job to protect our children, even if it's from themselves... I may not have taken care of myself, but I will not allow my children to develop unhealthy habits (food and otherwise) while they're in my home. I'm scheduled for surgery next week. It's been years and years of unhappiness and depression, and I WISH my parents had given me some direction when I was younger, even though I wasn't overweight as a child or teen... the habits that were forming in their home stayed with me. I was given no guidance or direction concerning food or exercise (even though everyone in my family is normal to mildly overweight) I get angry that my mother let me eat Doritos and Coke for lunch all during high school, even if I only weighed 100 lbs! It set me up for failure. Parents have so many worries now days as it is, but anything you can do for your children now--even if she doesn't want to take your advice--it will stay with her, and one day may make the difference!

Congratulations on all the weight that you've lost.  Please tread lightly & choose the words you speak to your daughter very carefully.  Self-esteem is very low in teen girls anyway.  You can't force someone into surgery that will be a decision she has to make for herself when she's older.  You are being a great role-model with your success, I'm assuming you are eating really healthy & working out...get her involved in those things with you, take her to your support meetings if you attend any.  Just choose what you say & how you say it very carefully.  She's your beautiful daughter & a gift from God, I know you're worried for her but get her more involved in your new healthy life-style before you start telling her she needs surgery.  Your progress will resonate more loudly than words.