I have lost THOUSANDS OF POUNDS! BUT I WANT THEM BACK! Please help!

Okay so it's not what you all are thinking! No this isn't the amount of pounds I've lost over the years, I'm only 22 that would be impossible lol or may be not haha! I have been posting topics and replying to others posts so some of you guys know a lil about me. 

The pounds lost I am referring to, amounts to friends/family members that are no longer in my court due to my decision to have weight loss surgery. This is very upsetting as some of you guys know that both my parents are deceased and I have almost no one, with the exception of my OH family, on my side.

I know this is something I will be working out in therapy, but I am still sad to see these "pounds" go. This is just another stressor to add to the pile. Why do some people have to be so ignorant, I just can't believe how adults can be this blind to the way the world works.

I don't expect them to be well informed, but down right disrespectful? Never? All I hear is: it's the easy way out, or you'll never succeed, or it's not worth it, or just diet and exercise! I am so SICK of  hearing those words! 

I don't wanna say so long to the people but I feel like they will be part of the "pounds lost and gone forever". I know some OH members hate those words LOL! Pleas forgive me, just ranting here.

Thanks for listening guys, I can definitely use the support and the "F" them comments lol. Thanks to everyone that throws some wise words of wisdom my way even if it's only to make me realize I don't need them.

~ B

I'll never understand how "friends" can be this way.  If a friend of mine makes a decision I think is wrong, I'm more inclined to be open minded and talk about them with it so I can understand why they're making the choice instead of being a jerk about it.  

I have hopes that you will find better friends on the course of your journey :)

It sounds like you already know these were never really friends, they were "hanger oners", people who used you to feel better about themselves. Once you work thru this you will understand this and learn that you will make new real friends.

I'm an old gal over 60 and I have very few true friends but the ones I do have I have had some since childhood and that is rare. I can count on one hand the number of friends I have and to me that's great. It isn't how many friends you have it is how good they are and I would rather have 2 good friends than 1000 fake friends. You will learn over time the value of true friendship. Just trust that you will find new and better friends!

I know exactly how you feel.... or at least somewhat like what you feel. I was researching this surgery many years ago. From one relative I heard "That's not fair". Fair???? It's not fair that I have tried so many times to get this weight off and it just doesn't happen. It's not fair that because of this my children could lose their mother earlier than they should. She didn't hear me tell her that her "boob job" wasn't fair because she had the figure of a man. I think it that made her feel better about herself she should have done it. It's funny how fast people are to judge when it isn't their lives that are directly affected. 

My best advice is to educate them on the procedure and why you are doing it. Explain to them that cutting out part of your body is far from the "easy way out" and if you could "just do it" you would have just done it! If they are truly loving family they will understand how a choice to have surgery isn't because you are vain but because you want to be healthy. If they aren't supportive then maybe this is something that you should not discuss with them. I have not told many people about me having surgery because I just don't want to hear it. I don't care about what they have to say because I know what is best for me and I know the truth about the surgery and how great it can be. I would much rather do it on my own but that just isn't working and I am 42. I am tired of being tired. 

I wish you luck with your family and friends and if they really love you they will come around when you explain why you are doing it and about the procedure. Some people get worried about your having surgery and just don't know how to say it so it comes out in ways that hurt. I printed out some things from my surgeon and gave them to my fiance to read last night. I asked him if he had questions. He had some and said that the would probably have more as the process continues. I explained that it was safer than having your gallbladder removed or a hip replacement.. and those happen all the time. I reassured him that I love him and am not doing this because I am trying to be sexy.. for anyone other than him anyway lol.. and that I was going to do the best to not let it change me, other than feeling better about myself and being more energetic (which will help him because I can clean the house better and just be better). 

Hope this helps!

I will never understand how most people cannot support our decision for better health.  If someone is truly just scared of the elective surgery, I can get that but what choice do a lot of us have without WLS?  We either lose the weight on our own and have over 95% chance of gaining it all back and more or the chances of staying obese and premmature death as a result.  Some of it is jealously and that is what is the most frustrating to me.

Best of luck to you.   You have our support!!!

Fortunately, I have very a very supportive close group of friends who want me to live a long healthy life, so almost all of my friends were instantly supportive. My brother (who is my medical power of attorney) and his wife had some questions, concerns, and reservations, but my informed responses reassured them enough for them to be supportive also. Overall, my immediate family has been very supportive. My mom has started indicating that she thinks I should tell more extended family, but I am a little afraid to open myself up to the potential for unsupportive comments about taking the easy way out or acting like I don't have to work or try or treating me as if I couldn't manage to fail even if I was noncompliant. 

I think people making those kinds of comments though are the kinds of people who befriend people to step on them to make themselves feel better. Real friends want you around feeling good about yourself, being happy and healthy, living a long time. If the people around you can't be supportive, they just want your low self esteem around to kick around. As your self-confidence grows, so will your circle of supportive friends who love you and want you to succeed. It might hurt now, but you deserve better. 

The other possibility is that there are people in your life who are afraid to lose you, afraid of scary surgery, and don't understand why you need it. These people are easy to sway with knowledge. Assess what it is that they are saying to you. If they use words like drastic, risk, or necessary, tell them to ask you questions so you can ease their fears. 

I'll be the first to actually say, F THEM!!  If they can't accept your decision and support you, then they are not your friends.  For myself, it took me 6 years to come to this decision, and I just came out about what I was doing on Facebook about 2 months ago.  I was waiting for all the negativity, and was pleasantly surprised when I didn't get it.  I had a couple of friends ask me to try other things, but after long talks, I think they now understand why I am doing what I am doing.  Make sure you build up your support network, either via FB or OH or create a blog, and go to any support groups that are available through your doctor's office.  

Feel free to check out my blog as well.  I wish you well.  And remember, you are NOT alone!

I can't say I lost any friends over my surgery decision, but because of my new lifestyle and healthy interests in physical activities I've made a TON of new friends who (a) all know about my surgery (b) are fully supportive (c) welcomed me into their 'activity' community (cycling) with open arms.  Within a year of surgery I made a group of friends who are now my main friends - I travel with them, we have parties, we built some nice friendships around a common activity - and it's very re-inforcing of the lifestyle changes I wanted to make.

Use your new self to explore some new ways to make friends!  Pick some things that help you want to maintain your new lifestyle...  Shake things up!

Sorry to hear that you are going through this.  I only  joined this group in March and I am not yet familiar with your story but I do feel empathy for you.  When I decided to take this journey I told three of my closest friends.  I told them I was telling them this because I did not want them to think that I was ill once the weight started to come off and my hair started to fall out.  They were very supportive of my decision.  They know how I have struggled over the years with my weight and the health issues I had developed as a result.  I don't know how I would feel if no one supported me.  Sometimes there are people in our lives that we must leave behind for our own good.  But that does not mean that we don't miss them.  Just remember this is your decision for you to make you have a happy healthy life for a long long time to come.  Good luck on your journey :-)   Val

I don't think I'll be losing any friends from having this surgery. I've been through a lot of crap and saw people drop away during that time. Some have fallen away or become very casual friends because I've worked with my therapist on setting up good boundaries. Getting toxic people out of my life has been so freeing.

How did the people in question make you feel before? Were they toxic drama seekers? Did they have a bunch of issues they refuse to deal with? I've found people with issues they get uncomfortable when people around them work on their own issues and become healthier people.