Promiscuity after weightloss surgery?

Hello OH family!!

Just a quick update on me...so far since surgery on June third I'm down 80 pounds; from 285 to 205!! Will post pictures soon.

Im really having some trouble batting the men away! Now I know I'm young but I am in a serious relationship. Ive been feeling very  promiscuous lately! I don't know if it's the weight loss, the confidence boost or booth but I've been getting a ****e load of attention from the opposite sex and I really don't know what to do. I love my boyfriend but I'm feeling very curious as to what else is out there.

We've been together so long now that I couldn't imagine starting over. We also did have some issues with his infidelity in the beginning, but other than that blip, he treats me like a queen. It's going on 5 yrs we've been together and I feel like I'm getting bored.

He starting to note a change in me and he's worried that I'm falling out of love with him...which of course isn't true. It's like my wings are starting to form and I wanna stretch them. Ive become more social and outspoken and my bf just doesn't know how to handle the new me.

I really need some advice on what to do...I know the decision is ultimately up to me, but I could really use some advice from the older crowd on how to handle this. I'm starting to feel like surgery at 22 is becoming a little bit more than I can handle... I don't think I prepared myself for all the changes that were to come.

Thanks everyone for reading

~B

Congrats on your success!!  I know this tends to be a huge issue for some folks.  While I have not experienced this first hand, I am confident in saying that your spouse or significant other should be 100% behind you on this journey.  That means understanding that there are going to be changes personally, physically, socially, etc.  During my psych evaluation yesterday, the psychologist asked me how my wife would handle the potential increase in attention from the opposite sex.  My response was that she would probably be a little jealous, but it wouldn't be anything considerable.  He then asked if I thought she would be jealous enough to sabotage my diet and weight loss.  Without hesitation my response was 'No."  My wife knows me well and we have already discussed the changes that will occur after the surgery, and we are on the same page with it.  That's something you should discuss with your boyfriend and be honest and upfront with him.  If he can't handle that, then he's not ready to be in a committed relationship in my opinion.  You are still very young and have plenty of time before you need to think about settling down, but that's just my two cents.  :)  Congrats again!

From the otherside of the fence -- being single is not fun!  I'm dating all the time and yes dates can be fun, but hurting people's feelings b/c you don't connect sucks, and getting your feelings hurt when people don't reciprocate sucks!

If you love him and he loves you, I would say work on your relationship.  A good partner is hard to find.  

If you aren't happy with him, that is another story.  

Good Luck!

I highly recommend talking with a therapist about this.  

Me, too, Gwen. Sometimes transfer addcitions can sneak up on a person. And therapy never hurts to my way of thinking!

I agree that the new attention can be downright fun and even intoxicating.   Some people with addictive personalities will transfer their addictions to food to gambling, shopping, drugs, and even sex.  You'll want to really separate these cravings or attention as addictive cravings or dissatisfaction in your relationship.   If you really love your BF, then you will maintain your boundaries, accept compliments graciously and politely and remind your boyfriend every day how much you love him, for this new attention will bring about insecurities.

Now, if you have dissatisfaction leading to this curiosity - do right by your boyfriend and break up with him formally before you do any exploring.  It's only fair to him.  

If you love the person you are with it shouldn't be a issue. I love my husband and would never even consider being unfaithful to him. Maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship. Also, like some woman said maybe your addiction to food is showing itself in other ways. Good luck.

Well I do get a lot of attention from men now and I'm married but I must admit I love it.  I do love my husband I wouldn't leave him but dam it feels good.  I don't no what advice I would give you because I personally wouldn't of stayed if my husband had cheated but good luck with any choices you make.

First of all, congrats on your success!  Just amazing!!

Now, just because you're enjoying getting attention from men doesn't necessarily mean that you're bored with your relationship.  I'll hit my 5 years with my boyfriend in a few months, I'm also fairly young (27) and I've thought long and hard about how I would handle attention from men once I reach my goal weight.  I came to one simple conclusion: I love my boyfriend.  He loved me when all of those other men didn't notice I existed and he's been my number 1 supporter throughout this journey and tells me every day how proud he is of me.  Yes it'll be nice to get some attention, but all it will be for me is a nice ego boost and a little more bounce in my step.  For me it's going to be more of a "That's right... take a good look at what you CAN'T have!"  I'm completely satisfied and happy with my life right now and couldn't imagine losing him.  Ever.

If you feel like maybe you aren't getting the support or attention from him that you need at this point in your life I definitely think you should try communicating this to him so you don't throw away 5 years.  It also may be a good idea to talk to a therapist and perhaps bring him with you.  From what I understand it is very common for couples to break up after one has lost a lot of weight.  Do yourself a solid and try to work on it before giving up.

Wise one you are Miss Amy! I feel exactly the same way.  I met my husband while I was heavy, he loves me for me, though he does love me fluffy - he knows I'm doing this for me and our future.  I want to be around a very long time - staying the way I am physically that may not happen.  I got attention even when I was at my heaviest but it wasn't "good" attention.  Just because you're getting "attention" doesn't mean any of it is the right attention that a loving, well grounded relationship can provide.  Seeking out that kind of attention just leads to an endless circle of loneliness because those people that "want" you will also toss you when the next best thing comes along.  Of course it feels great to be wanted, we all want to be wanted, but it feels better to be loved and appreciated for who you are - not for what someone can get from you.  

In my opinion, I found my husband when I started wanting more for myself than the thrill of being "wanted" - I needed to be loved.  There is a huge difference and it took me a while to learn it.