Mothers, need I say more ?

curlygreen1996
on 10/24/14 5:47 pm - Lawrenceville, IL

Hey everyone !!

 

     So here's a update- My first apt with the surgeon was scheduled on 10-19 but he was out of town that week so they moved it to the 31st :( Now the reason for my post .

My husband, friends, and most of my family are very supportive of this journey. BUT the real issue is with my mom.

I have told her that I know this is my best chance to get healthy, that I have researched this for months and I want/need to do this . 

Her response is "don't you think you could do it on your own ?" or  " I hate to see you put your body through this when you can do without the surgery" .

I fell like I need to do this, but every time she says something like that there is a little part of me that has a tiny bit of doubt, is that normal or do you think that I need to reconsider ? I feel like that I have researched this very well I think it is my best option.

Thanks for everything

 

 

 

   

    
lfenix
on 10/24/14 8:55 pm
VSG on 10/27/14 with

Mothers!  I have one and I am one, so I'll try not to bash your mom too much.  Sometimes, the well intentioned comment cuts like a knife.  I'm sure she's just worried and unless she's overweight herself she can't possibly understand what motivates us to look to this option for the hope to finally succeed at losing weight and keeping it off.

Try to view her comment as coming from love and don't let the hurtful part sway you. She didn't have all the information and she is spouting off out of ignorance. You know this decision is yours and yours alone. It's your body and you and you alone are responsible for your health. You are doing the right thing. Be confident!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

His

_idonerds
on 10/24/14 9:16 pm - Mount vernon, NY
with

I have a similar issues however it wasn't my mother... It was a friend however I am taking her on the journey with me and she is understanding more why I need to do it

cappy11448
on 10/24/14 9:24 pm

I think your doubts are normal.  When I was so successful on my pre-op diet, I wondered if I couldn't just do it on my own.  But then I had a stressful day at work, and I remembered all the failures and how often I repeated the weight loss and regain.  Then I was resolute and never looked back.  Before surgery, the most I ever lost was about 50 pounds, and I regained it at lightening speed when I went off the diet. 

Weight loss surgery changes the dynamic.  It is easier to lose the weight because of the restriction and the change in the physical drive to over-eat.  It is really different.  Weight loss surgery doesn't make it easy, but it makes it possible.  The surgery is the best thing I've ever done for myself.  I think you'll feel the same when the weight starts falling.

People who say uneducated things just don't know what obesity is like.  Obesity really is a disease and WLS is the best treatment. 

best of luck on your weight loss journey.

Carol

    

Surgery May 1, 2013. Starting Weight 385,  Surgery Weight 333,  Current Weight 160.  At GOAL!

Weight loss Pre-op 1-20 2-17 3-15 Post-op 1-20 2-18 3-15 4-14 5-16 6-11 7-12  8-8

                  9-11 10-7 11-7 12-7 13-8 14-6 15-3 16-7 17-3  18-3

     

Gwen M.
on 10/24/14 9:52 pm
VSG on 03/13/14

Stop talking about it with her? Change the subject when she brings it up. You don't need her approval. 

VSG with Dr. Salameh - 3/13/2014
Diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder and started Vyvanse - 7/22/2016
Reconstructive Surgeries with Dr. Michaels - 6/5/2017 (LBL & brachioplasty), 8/14/2017 (UBL & mastopexy), 11/6/2017 (medial leg lift)

Age 42 Height 5'4" HW 319 (1/3/2014) SW 293 (3/13/2014) CW 149 (7/16/2017)
Next Goal 145 - normal BMI | Total Weight Lost 170

TrendWeight | Food Blog (sort of functional) | Journal (down for maintenance)

TexasTerritory
on 10/24/14 10:37 pm
VSG on 07/22/13
Don't doubt yourself. I panicked when my daughter had to have a c-section. Surgery is just plain scary especially for moms.

Once you've experienced success with WLS, your mom will come around. A loving relationship can be so complicated at times.

Follow your instincts. Good luck.

  

jenn1469
on 10/24/14 10:53 pm

My mom was the only one not behind me in this. Even now where i almost lost all the weight she says well statistics say you'll probably gain it back. It hurts me but also i have her voice in my head that scares me that I'll gain it back. 

Jennifer

    

weeziebeth
on 10/24/14 11:11 pm, edited 10/24/14 11:12 pm

Mom relationships are complicated, no way around it. However, I think the majority of people simply don't have an understanding of the ever-increasing science of obesity and weight loss and the chance WLS gives us. I know many would say to ignore them or don't engage in conversation and often we (myself included) can become a tad defensive when people express their concern or question our decision. But lets face it-it is a drastic decision-one that even many in the medical community don't really understand or comprehend. So how can we expect the general public to. And I can see why many see this as the quick or easy way out-because so much in our society today is geared towards exactly that-and quite a good percentage of people who pursue WLS are looking for just that-though they, I fear, are sorely disappointed when they realize the truth of it.

If you had a type of cancer or other disease that would very likely significantly shorten your life and would definitely diminish the quality of your life and the established treatment had a 5% chance of effecting a cure, or at least a substantial improvement but there was a drastic and radical treatment that, yes, had the potential to cause harm but also gave you a 50% chance of effecting a cure or substantial improvement wouldn't you at least give it serious consideration? I have tried to make this my approach in talking with people who have questions about the safety or efficacy of WLS. 

I hope your mom's questions are coming from a place of love, concern, and simple misunderstanding or lack of knowledge-I hope this is the case. If it is, try to be understanding and extend her grace. Use the opportunity to share with her the research you have done for yourself. If she's not coming from that place, then extend yourself grace by removing yourself from the conversation. 

 

DIVA2B
on 10/24/14 11:34 pm

Hi CURLY I know what you are talking about I haven't told anyone in my family about my decision except my hubby and he is supportive of me,I am hoping that I won't have too much downtime so I won't be asked too many questions I think I can pull it off because I live in a different state.I have just started my journey ,(one doc ,dietitian visit)and a bunch of scheduled test. I know they love me and want the best but I like you have done a lot of research and I hope this surgery can help me get too where I need to be(healthy)I too think that if your mother is not overweight she doesn't know what it's like,for me I feel like this is the last and only resort but in the end it's your choice.

rumpole6
on 10/24/14 11:42 pm

The day my Mother told me how anti surgery and hospital she is is the same day I told her I was pursuing the VSG, so you can imagine how well that went over. Both my folks are capable to going on and sticking to a diet without a lot of problems  and maintaining it for a while so there was that issue as well but that one was unverbalized. But ultimately she came to support the decision. My latest family problem, and it bothers me as much as anyone, is going through Thanksgiving and Christmas newly sleeved and certainly not in my traditional overundulgent manner.

 

 Preop Diet 10/4/14; Sleeve: 10/13/14

    

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