Back after a very long time away

Hi everyone.  I have been gone from this group for over a year.  I didn't consciously leave, but sort of drifted away.  I convinced myself that I was too busy, etc., when in reality, I was trying to find my way through maintenance and began floundering.  Instead of being honest and reading and writing even more, my pride kept me away.  As you would guess, I gained some weight back.   Luckily I didn't gain too much, but enough that my clothes got too tight.  I also continued to stay away from my hard core trigger foods, though I know in my gut that if I kept going, it was only a matter of time.  I've been lurking and reading my old posts, along with others' posts for awhile now, as I am getting back on track with food.  My plan was to keep lurking until I lost the weight I'd gained and then start posting again.  That darn pride of mine - always wanting to "fix" the problem before admitting that there was a problam.  That ridiculous way of acting got me to 300 lbs in the first place - why would I think anything would change?  Anyway, once again I'm fessing up to my humaness and looking for the support and inspiration I always got here from before my surgery 3 1/2 years ago.  I will be 60 next month and the best birthday present I can give to myself is to take care of me.  I still love my sleeve and am so grateful that I have it and didn't need to go back to the hell I was in prior to surgery, before I woke up and started to get back on track.  Thanks to all for listening!

Yes we get a lot of support here keep coming back. Sounds like you know what to do and your doing. keep it up and the weight will come off you got this.

Glad you are back.  I get wanting to fix things first.  I think I see it as a sign of weakness in me, but not others.  I am always harder on myself than I am on others. Very courageous to come back and ask for support.  So glad you did.

Thanks so much!  I do know what I need to do, and being open and honest is so important - I'd forgotten just how important it is.

Hi! Long time no see! Well, you are not alone. I, too, had some regain and floundered on and off for 15 months or so. I was pretty open with it, but I did feel ashamed and embarrassed on a few occasions - and privately I berated myself and even threw in the towel a few times, but for never more than a few hours or a day. Finally got over it and lost 10 of the 20+ I gained, then put a few on between Christmas and Jan 5. Been working on getting back down the past 10 days and even though it's harder now than it was just post surgery, I'm making strides and feeling good.

One of the things I was reminded of at group on Wednesday night is that as far out as you and I are many people tend to get relaxed about their eating. Remember that first year when we were so diligent and on top of things? Well, for me that went away. I went back to thinking that this bite won't matter and that treat is okay, blah, blah, blah.... Then it became a treat every day and then some. I'm sure you get what I mean. All of us who are or were obese understand that reasoning and its dangers I think. Since Wednesday I have become aware of just how true it is - the way I've relaxed. I've been very good about tracking, etc... the past two days.

I think it's harder to lose now than it was just post op. I hope we can serve as examples as to how important it is to have a good maintenance plan and the after care and guidance that goes along with the plan to it successful!

Good luck on your regain of control!

Good to hear from you Kairk!  What you wrote is my story too.  I never fell back into the binge type eating that got me to 300 lbs.  It was more of a little bite here, a little bite there, and as time went on I got more and more relaxed and was eating mindlessly instead of mindfully.  Post surgery, it was easy most of the time.  Not any more - now feels much more like pre-surgery days when I had to white knuckle it.  Thankfully, I still have the restriction to put the brakes on.  Over the past week or so, I have had more good days than not, which is going in the right direction.  Yesterday I wrote down what I ate and was very mindful of what I put in my mouth most of the day, though at supper last night I ate a little something, with the thought that that little bit won't hurt, trying to calculate calories, etc.  I listened, after the fact, to my inner voice, which I trust, that doing so was old behavior that leads me back into the place I don't want to be.   What I need to work on is listening to that voice before I take the bite.  Today I am hoping to be totally clean, and I have been so far.  I did grocery shop last night and planned for meals, etc. so I am better prepared.  I even bought the ingredients for Elina's green chicken soup, which I'll make today.  The other thing I had let go of, except for my weekly dance class, was exercise.  I need to get back to the gym.  I have been increasing my movement by taking extra steps at work.  Every time I print a page, I walk up the hall to the printer and retrieve it, instead of printing a lot and making 1 or 2 trips.  Yesterday I even stood up in-between trips. 

Anyway, I've gone on enough.  It's great to be back and see many folks still hear and still on the journey - it gives me lots of hope.  Good luck to you as well!

These posts are just what I needed.  I got so far off track that I consider myself to be at ground zero.  I will be going full liquids on Monday.

Thanks!

Fay

Good luck Fay!

Happy Birthday next month. Sounds like you are already back on track. Just remember protein first. Bless you!

Robin

Thanks Robin!  I've had another good day and am feeling much more centered.