So tired! The next leg of my journey.

(deactivated member)
on 2/4/15 3:05 am

I am tired. I am tired of the war. I am tired of feeling like I’m either on plan or off plan. I am tired of an age-old feeling of being in the WL game in which I am either winning or losing depending upon where my weight is. I am tired of the negative emotional aspect of living the life of someone who once was morbidly obese and the ghosts of that life that still haunt me.

What I am not tired of is learning - learning about the physiology of nutrition and learning to better understand my eating and relationship with food and how I navigate that relationship on both the conscious and unconscious level.

I’m not in the early stages of being a new post op. I’ve lost my weight and gained some back. The “Pink Cloud” blew away a long time ago and I live every day with the reality of my sleeve. To be clear, the sleeve is still one of the singular best things I’ve done to improve my health. I am so very glad I have this fantastic tool

I know what to eat and when to eat. I know how many grams of protein and carbs and fats and how many calories per day I need to lose weight or gain or maintain. I know what level of carb intake is safe for me. I know my trigger foods.

I will always track my food. That is a natural part of my life. I will weigh every day. This again is an ingrained part of my day. I will continue to monitor my protein and my carbs and calories. It’s what I do.

So what am I doing new on this next part of my journey? I am going to work on being at peace with my relationship with food. I’m going to do this by practicing and learning to listen to my body, my “heart”, and my mind. I want to be okay when the little boy tugs on my pants and needs something. I’ve been so busy ignoring him or telling him no that eventually he throws tantrums and then everything goes to hell! I need this cycle to stop and need to find the peace.

I’m gathering a great team around me to help me with this and I’m excited about this leg of the journey.

Wish me luck in finding that last little missing link – my key to peace.

Tracy D.
on 2/4/15 3:24 am - Papillion, NE
VSG on 05/24/13

I am intrigued with the team that you are assembling to assist you in the next step of your journey - sounds fascinating to me!   Tell me more about that, please...

Every part of your story resonates with me.  I got the calculations down cold; I got the food thing "dialed in" as my surgeon says.  I log my food daily, go to therapy, OA meetings and get my exercise, water, vitamins, etc.  But executing this on a day-in and day-out basis?  It gets tiresome.  I'm pretty certain that it's my life's journey to figure this out...and it will certainly take the rest of my life to do so.  

Today's challenge:  The god-damned, mother-effin' Girl Scout cookie pushers!    I have resolved not to give one dime of my money to an organization that only passes on 10 cents of each sale to their troops.  Hoping my "moral" conviction lasts through the weeks of cookies sitting on everyone's desk and the swarms of little Scouts knocking on my door and begging in front of grocery stores to buy their crack .   OK, my crack...no theirs.  But you get it! 

Continue to fight the good fight, my friend!  

 Tracy  5'3"     HW: 235  SW: 218  CW: 132    M1: -22  M2: -13  M3: -12  M4: -9  M5: -8   M6: -10   M7: -4

 Goal reached in 7 months and 1 week

 Lower Body Lift w/Dr. Barnthouse 7-8-15

   

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

GeekMonster, Insolent Hag
on 2/4/15 4:00 am - CA
VSG on 12/19/13

Our neighbor's daughter was pushing Girl Scout cookies at my house during the Superbowl.  I managed to resist by reading the nutritional content of those little *******s.  Then someone brought over a pan of brownies and I caved.  Ugh.

"Oderint Dum Metuant"    Discover the joys of the Five Day Meat Test!

Height:  5'-7"  HW: 449  SW: 392  GW: 179  CW: 220

Gwen M.
on 2/4/15 4:07 am
VSG on 03/13/14

Well.. homemade brownies don't have nutritional information, so they're totally okay!  Right?! :D

VSG with Dr. Salameh - 3/13/2014
Diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder and started Vyvanse - 7/22/2016
Reconstructive Surgeries with Dr. Michaels - 6/5/2017 (LBL & brachioplasty), 8/14/2017 (UBL & mastopexy), 11/6/2017 (medial leg lift)

Age 42 Height 5'4" HW 319 (1/3/2014) SW 293 (3/13/2014) CW 149 (7/16/2017)
Next Goal 145 - normal BMI | Total Weight Lost 170

TrendWeight | Food Blog (sort of functional) | Journal (down for maintenance)

Grim_Traveller
on 2/4/15 4:41 am
RNY on 08/21/12

Add some protein powder to homemade treats. Protein powder has magical properties that negates calories and makes everything healthy.

6'3" tall, male.

Highest weight was 475. RNY on 08/21/12. Current weight: 198.

M1 -24; M2 -21; M3 -19; M4 -21; M5 -13; M6 -21; M7 -10; M8 -16; M9 -10; M10 -8; M11 -6; M12 -5.

GeekMonster, Insolent Hag
on 2/4/15 11:47 am - CA
VSG on 12/19/13

You're right.   There was no bar code to scan into MFP, so those calories can't count.  Science rules 

"Oderint Dum Metuant"    Discover the joys of the Five Day Meat Test!

Height:  5'-7"  HW: 449  SW: 392  GW: 179  CW: 220

(deactivated member)
on 2/4/15 4:01 am

First, and most importantly, I have the guidance of a surgeon for whom I have great respect. He not only does the cutting, but he's very much in to nutrition and long term care. I also know a psychologist who specializes in working with patients with severe life threatening eating disorders. We met to discuss an outline of care for me. One of the things that she opened my eyes to was that eating disorders are viewed on a spectrum, sort of like autism. While she deals with people on one end, I hang out on the other. She was careful to tell me that I do not have an eating disorder, but have disordered eating - which is a totally workable issue. She recommended that I see an RD that specializes in disordered eating and gave me a referral and also a referral to a clinician who works with disordered eating. I also have my PCP on board and he has asked me to meet with a colleague of his in the psych dept. I will meet with that person on the 24th.

I'm really interested in taking what I know and applying it to the real life situations and emotions I am faced with each day. Just this little bit of knowledge has opened my eyes just a bit wider. I had a huge Ah ha moment during my conversation with the specialist on Monday, too. It was pretty intense. Hard to explain here, but I can try, if you're interested. IT's about how we choose food. Feel free to PM me, if you want me to try to explain it.

 

TheNewT
on 2/4/15 4:21 am
VSG on 08/04/14

I am going to superman punch the first girl I see pushing that caramel crack. 

        

Tracy D.
on 2/4/15 4:44 am - Papillion, NE
VSG on 05/24/13

 Tracy  5'3"     HW: 235  SW: 218  CW: 132    M1: -22  M2: -13  M3: -12  M4: -9  M5: -8   M6: -10   M7: -4

 Goal reached in 7 months and 1 week

 Lower Body Lift w/Dr. Barnthouse 7-8-15

   

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

wyo_sarah
on 2/4/15 6:27 am

My 5 year old daughter is a brand new Girl Scout and really excited to sell cookies.  I'm scared.

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