I spent so many years being a people pleaser and ignoring myself while I took care of other people.\

I looked at how I cared for others and I called it kindness. I heard myself say "there is not enough time in my life for MY LIFE." "I am so tired." "I do ALL THIS for other folks and I no one ever asks me what I need."

When I wanted to be a person who actually cared for me, I had a hard time with other people's reactions.

Or - more like - MY thoughts about what other people's reactions would be.

I hadn't even gotten to the part where I actually changed my behavior - I was playing out scenarios about what they would say, what they would do, how I would have to argue for myself, stand up for myself, because they would, OF COURSE not be okay with me not doing for them like I had done before.

Before I could experience myself as a person who had boundaries in *real life* I experienced myself as a person who let people down by my having boundaries IN MY MIND.

Did you hear me, love? I fought with people IN MY MIND and I LOST.

And I stayed the same.

And I ate because "this is all I have for me."

And I drank because "this is all I have for me."

And I over spent because of all the little ways I was trying to do for others, or save myself time - because I had no time because I CHOSE to spend my time and my mental energy either thinking about how I could do more for other people (so I could feel good about myself) OR fighting with them about the person I would become - the person who stood up for themselves, who they surely would not like.

And if I was not a "nice person" would no one liked me, love me, want me around?

This is a brain. A sweet, loving, human brain who is ONLY trying to protect me. A brain that only knew to keep myself safe by focusing on other people, and then when I wanted to focus on me - would remind me of how dangerous it was.

A brain who whispered to me that it was better to say the same and suck it up and stay in my circles, than to do anything else. Might as well eat. Might as well spend. Might as well drink. Might as well look for tiny crumbs of "mine."

It was how I was. It was how I always had been. It was how I had been trained by my upbringing. It was how I was molded by society.

It was how I stayed comfortably miserable on the inside.

They were only thoughts. Thoughts I could decide to change. Thoughts about other people, their thoughts, their feelings.

I was a hoarder. I was a hoarder of responsibility for other people's thoughts, feelings, and a hoarder of ****ty feelings for myself.

It doesn't have to be this way. There is another way. It takes work and its worth every bit of effort. We start with compassion and "of course." Of course our brain thinks this. Of course.

You are loved. You are worthy. You get to decide how you want to feel about them and about you.

Experience yourself differently. You can. You can choose.

What if the answer was not that you needed to restrict your calories, what if the answer was you got to partner with your beautiful brain and learn to listen to your amazing body and what it actually needed, in terms of food?

Especially with menopause coming in hot. (ha!) The fuel we use to lose, is typically the fuel we need to use to stay there.

What if the answer was learning about how things drop into a brain, how they show up in a body in a feeling sense, and the behaviors a human uses to cover up those feelings?

What if you learned the skill of noticing where your nervous system gets hijacked and how to redirect the the clouds of thought that drop into your brain and then CHOOSE a behavior that is in alignment with what you really really really want? Which is the pride, satisfaction or just the plan ol freedom of not having to think about/judge/compare your body?

For me, menopause was the most beautiful invitation to see that what I thought about things, where I let my mind settle and spin - all of this changed everything down stream. Because my mind went ******g WILD.

For The Beloveds reading in - its the same with the drinking, spending, being mad with your partner, having fury with the world. All of the things we use against us, it starts in our minds - and, while brains are gonna think **** like hearts are gonna pump, we have a choice of what we let sit in there, spin around, change our body chemistry, and alter our behavior.

Imagine being able to trust your body. Imagine not having to outsource your sense of what is right to a professional or even need to suspect an on-line calculator.

Of course you did, you were pumped full of fluids during surgery.

Hi CelestialJade,

I love the thoughts you have presented - and I notice that you are outsourcing your happiness to something aside from you and your ability to manage your mind.

You have AMAZING choices here that have nothing to do with having the surgery before or after.

You can choose to have your surgery before your wedding, and while you are on your honeymoon, choose to be proud of yourself that you had the surgery and this is the protocol that you get to follow, and how freaking blessed are you that you got to have your surgery?

You can choose to have your surgery afterwards and feel proud that you are a woman in a body who loves a man and are in an amazing place for your honeymoon.

When you let surgery decide if you will enjoy yourself, or your talking ****ty to yourself about your body decide if you will enjoy yourself - you lose either way.

Deciding now that you are the decider of how you feel about yourself, your choices, your appearance that your feelings come from your BRAIN - this will serve you well after surgery because there will come a time when, if what you are doing is relying on something outside of you to make you happy, you will have a feeling and decide its because you cant have X food, or you cant eat X amount of food, or you dont like your body because of X thing, or you are pissed at your husband because he isnt supporting you in X way, this is all outsourcing your joy, pleasure, happiness, satisfaction on things that never ever EVER deserved that responsibility.

I get it that around here a lot of time is spent dreaming of a life where a tiny amount of food, or losing weight, or plastic surgery afterwards is going to be the thing that makes us satisfied, enjoy ourselves, be comfortable in our skin - and the truth is when we take ownership and decide for ourselves - our world opens up.

While you might be saying who the F is this chick and what is she smoking - look -

"I'm PREGNANT!!!"

This is said by a 25 yo woman who has been trying for years.

This is said by a 12 yo girl.

This is said by a 57 yo woman who finally was getting to retire and go live on a boat with her dog and sail around the world.

The fact (pregnant) is the same. The only thing that makes people feel a way about it is what drops in their brains, what they THINK about the fact, what they feel in their bodies after their thought has created a mighty mighty ****tail of hormones in response to the thought.

If you were going to enjoy yourself either way - which would you choose.

if you are going to feel bad about your appearance either way - which would you choose?

Because you can choose.

Congrats,

Brandi