OT...Ex from 15 freakin years ago has to mess up my weight loss groove!

sqerlygirl
on 8/2/10 11:40 am
I just have to post this somewhere, sorry everyone

This a.m. my ex-boyfriend from 16 years ago contacted me. Ok, this was the only other love of my life other than my dh.I have been happily married for 14 years. Cannot say he has never crossed my mind, but it was a "hope his life turned out ok" kind of thing. Really ;)

So he calls me out of the blue after a million years ago and it has made me into a mess! It was very innocent but we talked an hour (I suck) and he told me how his life has been and he sounded sad about the past. We had a great relationship but he joined the Army and he came back a different man and we just couldn't figure out where to go from there. Plus we were young.

I have to get my head on straight and be in the right frame of mind for this surgery. I am not doing this for vanity but to get healthy. I don't think I can be "friends" with him....even after all these years, the old feelings came rushing back. I have never been tempted in my marriage...I love my dh so much and would never act on anything.

Tonight I worked out hard to get my head on straight...I just can't let this craziness derail my progress. My brain says to tell him not to contact me again but my heart is...ugh! I wish he had never called!

Anyone have any words of wisdom? I am reading over my post and I can't even believe this has happened.

Char
RNY 11/28/10 5' 6"
HW 263/SW 217/CW 130/GOAL 134
LW-Apple-Gold-Small.jpg image by PlicketyCat

                    

Elizabeth_Ann
on 8/2/10 12:08 pm
 In order for him to still have this much control over you, you probably still have very strong feelings for him. I would RUN away from this situation as fast as you can. Tell him to never contact you again. You had a chance to catch up on old times, now it's time to bury the past.

Good luck.

Hugs, 

Liz in Orlando       LW-Apple-Gold-Small.jpg image by PlicketyCat

        
(deactivated member)
on 8/2/10 7:40 pm
I agree. Run! If he calls again, just politely say that you are married and have a great life now and that you can not talk to him anymore. Tell him that you hope he has a wonderful life and that your marriage now is too important to loose on past emotions.

:) Good luck!
Linda D.
on 8/2/10 10:56 pm - Armada, MI
Your first thought should be ....

"How would I feel if my husband was in contact with a girl he was serious with in the past?  And he kept talking to her?"

That should guide you in what you ought to do.  And I think you know what it is.....
Liaazul
on 8/2/10 11:33 pm - MD
Babe, it is not as rare to reminisce on old relationships. After all, they were part of your history.

This sort of nostalgia is common, and unless one never dated anybody else before marrying, at some point memories of old relationships will flashback when we hear a particular song, etc.

The thing is as long as you do not act upon this nostalgia by sharing memories with the guy, you're fine. So, like the others said... RUN, SHUT THIS DOOR, it is not worthy to jeopardize the stability of your marriage, or worse, break the trust between you and your DH for some idealized memory (most of the time we inflate how awesome the ex was...).

Most of all, rationalize and reflect... if that old bf of that great, he would be in your life now.

Focus on your new journey and on your great PRESENT life babeeeeeeee.

Hugs!
Height 5'5" -- HW 273/SW 269/CW159/1st Goal 169(Achieved!)/2nd Goal 150 (Normal BMI)  LW-Apple-Gold-Small.jpg image by PlicketyCat
Starting BMI between 35 and 40ish? Join us on the Lightweights Board!
  
       
Lee ~
on 8/2/10 11:34 pm - CA
Choose your great marriage and run from anything that might interfer.  It's not really fair of this guy to come back after all these years to fluster you this way.  Let it go and don't wonder about any "what if's".   You and your DH deserve more and it doesn't sound like this guy would fit into a friendship with you and DH.

Focus on your surgery!  :)

HW: 249   SW: 229 GW: 149 Age: 63 - Body by Sauceda - 12/2011

sqerlygirl
on 8/3/10 12:22 am
Ladies,

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom! Last night I had a meeting of the minds with my closest friends who had been with me during all I had gone through with my ex. They said the same thing as you. And I knew it as well. My marriage and family is number one in my life after my relationship with God. I felt so guilty just from that one conversation...it wasn't right.

I came home and told my dh about it and he was wonderful. I had been very close to the ex's family so I stayed up late and wrote a long letter to his Mom to clear the air after all these years. She had always loved the idea of me being her future DIL and after he and I parted ways. I never contacted her or his family again. I feel so much better because I have it all out in the open and now his Mom is in on it so she will keep him in check on that end. Yes, at almost 40...he obeys his Mommy LOL

So much time had passed but so many feelings weren't resolved. It hit me like a freight train! But I am refocused and intent on ending this before it would even have a slight chance of becoming something it shouldn't. Today I feel renewed! Thank you again!

Char
RNY 11/28/10 5' 6"
HW 263/SW 217/CW 130/GOAL 134
LW-Apple-Gold-Small.jpg image by PlicketyCat

                    

STLfan
on 8/3/10 1:47 am
hey Girl, I know this was for the ladies but I too have a thought on this. When i got married the first time (20yrs) i never contacted any ex girlfriend but when i divorced I did find out about what was going on with the "loves" of my life. Two were married and one wasn't, i did contact the one and she wasn't interested and I let it be. Dont waste your time thinking about the past unless your ready to ruin your marriage over this. No matter how your hubby reacts now if you keep it up he will almost certainly resent any relationship you would have with an ex. It's nice to know the ex is safe and well but let it go. And as for the ex's mother well that could just be a foot in the door for this fellow and he might take it wrong as if you maybe care ....a little.... Take Care ...........
Jeff                    
Most Active
Recent Topics
Checking In.
Nahealani · 0 replies · 88 views
New to this group
Sepster · 0 replies · 153 views
Glad to be back.
Deb K · 0 replies · 154 views
×