I wanna be a size 12

bowknot
on 3/1/12 8:33 pm
When I started the WLS process, I told myself that if I ever got into a size 14 I'd be happy.  Here I am.... down 95 pounds and a size 14 (down from a 24/26).  I have a new beautiful flat tummy from plastic surgery.  DH says he has never seen me this thin.  I was 10 pounds lighter when we got married, but not nearly as fit.  I don't feel like I'm a vanity sized 14.  I think I'm a solid old school 14 who can wear some vanity sized 12s.  I'm 5"7.5'.  I think I carry my size and weight fairly well.  I'm so much healthier than I was 2 years ago.   

I should be happy, but I'm not.  Something has happened in my brain that makes me think I really should work to get down to a 12.  I'm not unhappy with my body.  I look in the mirror and think positive thoughts.  I've come a long way and look good, especially for my age.  My thighs and arms aren't perfect, but I don't criticize myself.  I have a strong body image.  What is wrong with me that I'm hooked on a clothes size?  I'm trying to figure it out.  I should be dancing in the streets happy, not obsessing on some stupid artificial number someone sewed in the back of my clothes.

I know there aren't any magic answers, but it helps to share with people who get it.

Kay
    
Price S.
on 3/1/12 9:06 pm - Mills River, NC
It's the difference in bone structure.  I weigh less and am shorter than lots of folks here who say they are a 0 or 2 and I mostly wear 6s with a few 4s.  I think even if I lost more, my size wouldn't change because the bones under all that are what they are and they aren't changing.

Now, the mind part of it is harder.  I was so thrilled to get below 140.  I am still amazed I am in the 112-115 range.  The  only think knowing a size matters for is that it makes it easier to find clothes.  I hate having to try on mulitple sizes to find something that fits because everyone makes their sizes different.  If it really bothers you that you aren't a 12, find some brand that you are a 10 or 12 in and just buy them.  It's crazy that I have 4s and 8s that all fit.  You can find a 10 if you spend enough time and energy.  Or just enjoy all the cute clothes, no matter what size they are.

    LW-Apple-Gold-Small.jpg image by PlicketyCat  66 yrs young, 4'11"  hw  220, goal 120 met at 12 months, cw 129 learning Maintainance

Between 35-40 BMI? join us on the Lightweight board.  the Lightweight Board
      
 

bowknot
on 3/1/12 10:23 pm
You're right.  If its that important find the brands that work.  It is all in my head anyway.  I'm good with being a L in the tops.  It is pants were I'm fixated.  I've only been like  this since my plastic surgery in Jan.  Maybe time will help.

Kay
NanfromSan
on 3/1/12 10:02 pm
VSG on 12/09/14
I was the same way...then when I got into a size 12 I wanted to be a size 10... never got there though.  Got pregnant and here I am now a size 20+ probably.
At some point you will get very confident and comfortable in whatever size you're in.  Sometimes it takes putting on weight again in order to see "Wow, when I was a size 14 I looked great... I'd kill to be a 14 now" - that's how I'm feeling now!  Not saying to go out and gain weight though
Maybe take a look at old pictures and take some new pictures so you can see just how much better you look...and certainly it doesn't hurt to continue to tone and improve parts of your body that aren't perfect. 
As for obsessing about a number...I have always been that way.  I don't have any answers except that at some point you're gonna get a heck of a lot of compliments, attention, and it will increase your confidence... for me that trumped the joy of sporting a smaller size any day!

Start weight:  252 pounds 

High weight:  268 pounds

    

bowknot
on 3/1/12 10:25 pm

I'm glad it isn't just me.  LOL  This weight loss stuff is so much more about my head than my surgery.

Kay

Jody ***
on 3/1/12 10:09 pm - Brighton, MI
RNY on 10/21/08 with
I hear ya!  I was very obsessed with sizes early on.  I would squeeze myself into the smallest size I could.  Now I'm for comfort.. even if that means the next bigger size... 

If you really want to be in a 12... then go for it!  But then that may just make you want to be in a 10...

HW-218/SW-208/CW-126/ Lowest Weight-121/Goal-125 - hit 8/23/09/Height-5'3"

Regain 30 lbs from 2012 to 2016 - got back on track and lost it.  Took 8 months. 
90+/- pounds lost      
BMI - 24 or so
Starting BMI between 35 and 40ish? 
Join us on the Lightweights Board!

bowknot
on 3/1/12 10:20 pm
The "I wanna be ... the next lower number... is a fear.  I don't want to be obsessed like this.   I really need to be happy with me no matter what the number is. 
Roz !!!!
on 3/1/12 11:08 pm - Butler, PA
I'm glad you look in the mirror and think positive thoughts!  If you are eating healthy, getting your protein in, and not "dieting" then go for the 12.  If it's a size that you can wear during the maintenace stage of this journey then ENJOY!  

BUT...if you are on maintenance and can't maintain that size 12 forever then you need to understand it's just as hard to go down and have to go back up than it is to except that you are a BEAUTIFUL PERFECT 14 (maybe even harder).

I loved being in a size 2...I felt that was the perfect size for me but when I got on maintenance I went back up to a 4 and I just can't forget those size 2's!  I have been decarbing for the last couple of weeks and last night I dug out one of my size 2's just to see.  They went on, zipped up but wasn't too comfortable.  The first thing I thought of was...you can eat what you want and maintain a 4 so why are you decarbing?  I had to sit myself down and have a serious talk with me.  It's not about the size 2 (but that would be nice) it's about not letting food control me anymore and the size 2 would be a bonus.

Keep us posted!

Roz

God is walking with me every step of the way. Because of HIM this is possible!!

RNY 10/15/2008 9+ Years!!!
Height: 4' 11" HW: 203 SW: 197 CW: 119
on Maintenance

Lee ~
on 3/2/12 1:51 am - CA
 Kay, I've seen your pics and you're stunning as you are.

That said, I get the numbers game.  I have always wanted to be in single digits post op.  I was a 10 jeans before plastics.  I prayed and prayed to be an 8 afterwards.  I came out a six jeans and small in tops.  I have to admit that I finally felt great about myself.  I still see the pudgy areas but I can laugh and remind myself that I'm 61.

If you want to shoot for the 10 and it doesn't make you nuts, do it.  The bounce back few pounds can't hurt and maybe you can just do it with toning.

HW: 249   SW: 229 GW: 149 Age: 63 - Body by Sauceda - 12/2011

Kermit P.
on 3/2/12 7:55 am
Thank you for this post Kay. I was telling my office mate today that I have been struggling lately with my body image. I am in a size 10 (and am thrilled about that) and can wear some size 8s yet I am very upset as I not a "normal" BMI. I also get frustrated as I will finally see the scale move and then 2 days later it will be up several pounds. I know this has to do with my lipedema and fluid issues but it ****** me off. I think so many lightweights get to such small sizes that it can be hard sometimes if you are NOT a small size. I kept telling my office mate today that I was still chubby and she kept saying you are normal now. The head stuff is hard for sure and usually I do fine but this week I guess I was feeling very critical. I wish you luck with this and wish I had some words of wisdom.

Blessings...

Jennifer
HW/232       CW/145.2       GW/???
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