Non-supportive people

on 7/27/18 6:22 pm
VSG on 09/20/18

Hi Lightweights,

I am new to OH so don't have my signature set up yet, but I started at BMI 37, have a surgery date for VSG 9/20, and am both excited and terrified.

There are a lot of people whom I have not told about my upcoming surgery, including my husband's sisters. One of my SILs in particular, when I've mentioned dieting in the past, always said "You look fine; just accept yourself". I will have to tell the SILs eventually, but I'm not going to do it until I'm on the other side of surgery.

How have some of you dealt with people in your life who don't think you need bariatric surgery? I thought about surgery long and hard for over a year, and I know it's the only way to have a chance to be healthy and mobile into the future, but I'm wondering how some of you have dealt with the naysayers.


on 7/30/18 6:44 am

Thankfully I haven't received negative responses. I did get comments from people who said I didn't look big enough for surgery. I just responds thanks but the scale and my doctors disagree.

I would just respond that it's a decision you made for yourself and you want to give yourself the best life possible, whi*****ludes being a healthy weight.

Don't be afraid to stop the conversation if they keep stating their opinion and thoughts. While the have a right to their opinion, you have the right not to listen.

Best of luck

on 7/30/18 9:03 am
VSG on 09/20/18

Thanks for the advice. I am happy there is a place where I can talk about these things with people that have been there!

on 7/31/18 9:28 am - Ontario, Canada
RNY on 04/11/16

I disagree that you have to tell them eventually. It's your health and quite frankly nobody else's business, other than your husband's of course. But even at that the decision is ultimately yours. My husband is the only one who knows that I had surgery. I'm not sure those people in my circle would even be aware of WLS - or maybe they are and suspect it, but its not a conversation we have.

I've lost 110 lbs, and people are like wow, I didn't think you were that big....well I'm also 5'11 so I carried it well, but if ya get out the pictures, yeah, I was that big!!

Tell them only if and when you are ready. Good luck!

Over 100 lbs lost! and 13 lbs below goal weight!

on 7/31/18 11:23 am
VSG on 09/20/18

Congratulations on your weight loss!

Thanks for the advice. I don't know that I'm not ever going to tell the SILs, because I have already told some other people in the family. I am not embarrassed about it or anything; I like being active, and I am doing this to preserve my current and future mobility so that I can remain active. I'm 56 and feel like it's now or never. I certainly am not going to tell them before the surgery, though. I don't want naysayers this close to the procedure.

I don't think a lot of people understand that even if you're tall and big-boned and can carry more weight than someone who is petite, your feet and knees only know what the number on the scale is

I am not as tall as you at 5'6", but have had stress fractures and an ACL repair. My lower body is begging me to take a load off!

Age 56. HW: 233 SW: 214 VSG 9/20/18, Hosp. of the Univ. of Pennsylvania, Dr. Noel Williams

on 7/31/18 12:35 pm - Ontario, Canada
RNY on 04/11/16

Well good luck to you! Won't be long before you're on the loser's bench and feeling better!!

Over 100 lbs lost! and 13 lbs below goal weight!

on 8/27/18 4:17 pm

I totally understand! I am awaiting my call with a surgery date for vsg. My spine and hips remind me daily they want me to be thin!

I will not tell my SILs either. They are already both very judgemental about everything, why give them more to talk about.

Praying all goes well for you!


(deactivated member)
on 7/31/18 2:16 pm
RNY on 03/27/17

Hello there,

I agree to a point with others that it is your life, and your health. However, if you spend a lot of time with family, the sister-in-laws included, they will need to be supportive in your endeavors to get to a comfortable, healthy goal weight. When they make the statement to just accept yourself you can easily respond you have, and per that fact, you understand that part of acceptance is coming to the realization of what is and is not healthy for you. You have accepted that there is an issue and are brave and tenacious enough to solve it your way with the support of family.

Thank them for giving you their support in the beginning by doing this you are setting your expectations to them that they will be supportive of your decision. You could make mention that their statement in the past to accept yourself helped you realize, that even they saw a need for a change, and that in a way helped you come to your current conclusion of what will work best for you.

If you do this in a loving way and they are not supportive they will not be no matter when you tell them.

Just my little food for thought.

Roz !!!!
on 10/1/18 4:00 pm - Butler, PA

Well I'm guessing you have had your surgery by now...CONGRATS!

I'm going to be 10 years out in a couple of weeks. There have been a lot of posters over the years who never told anyone but immediate family even after they had WLS.


God is walking with me every step of the way. Because of HIM this is possible!!

RNY 10/15/2008 9+ Years!!!
Height: 4' 11" HW: 203 SW: 197 CW: 119
on Maintenance

on 10/1/18 4:43 pm
VSG on 09/20/18

Yes, I had my surgery 10 days ago. It's going pretty well so far, but I am looking forward to advancing to the pureed food stage this Friday, because I'm a little tired of the same old same old :)

I have actually told a fair number of people about my surgery, but not everyone. I kind of have taken the attitude that I would take insulin if I had diabetes, so why wouldn't I do this to combat obesity? Also, I've come to realize that I don't care as much about what people think as I thought. With age comes not giving a @#$&!

Age 56. HW: 233 SW: 214 VSG 9/20/18, Hosp. of the Univ. of Pennsylvania, Dr. Noel Williams

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