Communicate with your Spouse Concerning Your Surgery - It Could Mean Your Marriage

on 1/28/16 7:12 am
RNY on 12/20/12

Hey Peeps,

Just adding a bit of my story with words of wisdom for the wives undergoing WLS. Make sure you and your spouse are on the same page when it comes to your surgery because it will make a major difference in your relationship as your body undergoes this transformation. Unfortunately, me and my husband were not on the same page and I did it anyway because I was unhealthy, in pain, on six different medications and miserable but he wanted me fat. I discovered through my group meetings the issues were not mine but in fact his. He had low self esteem and we already had marital challenges before the surgery. When I defied him and had the surgery against his will, that was kind of the beginning of the end. My surgery is three years old now and I feel and look amazing. But my marriage did not survive my metamorphosis. In the process I've lost a step daughter who decided she was going to go live with her mom and completely shut me out of her life and I lost my husband who now says he has found someone new and is happy. Haven't seen her but I bet she is full figured.

Nevertheless, words of wisdom, communicate with your spouse, make sure you are on the same page concerning your surgery, because this journey is rewarding but traumatic. Be blessed and I hope this helps someone.

Much Love - Violet

Steph Meat Hag
on 2/23/16 2:53 pm - Dallas , TX
VSG on 03/14/16 with

Sorry all that happened and you're totally right.  My partner during my first surgery was on board but not really.  They were skinny and fit and could eat all the fast food they wanted.  So my good habits slowly slipped back into bad habits pretty easily.  I begged that they help with groceries and eating out but it was always short lived.  I don't think they wanted to keep me fat, but they really weren't into helping either. 

The good news is I got a divorce and met someone new who happens to be chubby too and is on board with weight loss for us both.  I am happy to report I'm going to have a revision next month and there's been a lot of internal changes in my head that has made me better at understanding food.  I've also found out that talking about my issues and asking for help has helped me a lot with planning for this surgery.   

Age:40|Height: 5'9"|Lap Band 2/11/08 |Revision VSG 3/14/16

The cake is a lie, but Starbucks is not.

on 3/1/16 12:39 pm
RNY on 08/04/15

Please consider my liking your post as a hug.  WLS changes so much, and the support of your spouse is so important.  I'm glad you have been able to be successful through the whole process.  Good luck to you!

Age: 44 | Height: 5' 3" | Starting January 2015: 291 | RNY 8/4/15 with Dr. Arthur Carlin| Goal: 150

Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise. ~Proverbs 19:20

on 2/10/17 8:36 am
RNY on 12/20/12

Hello Again Everyone,

It's been a while since I posted anything. . . . Thank you all so much for your kind words, support and likes! This WLS journey has been interesting to say the least. I have plateaued at around 180 lbs and that is a good weight for me considering I'm 6'2" flat footed.  So needless to say I'm gorgeous! LOL! I am now officially divorced from my husband and the kicker is the woman he is now engaged to is only 2 sizes larger than me which just confirmed his issues were never my weight but in fact his own insecurities. 

My life is AMAZING now and I know that everything happens for a reason because NOTHING just happens. I know that God is in control and that my future is brighter than my past. I'm a licensed preacher and I have had the most amazing time sharing my story and the word of God with women and wives all over the world through my ministry called Wives Connected By Faith. Look me up on FB. :)

Ladies, look this choice is your choice but you must discuss it with your partner or husband to make sure you are BOTH on the same page. I did it for health reasons and there were casualties to my choice. We live or die by the choices we make and for every choice, good or bad, there is most definitely a consequence. But in the end I won and I feel FABULOUS! Be encouraged and know that you are not alone.

Big Hugs & Much Luv,

Min Violet 

 Take Care & God Bless

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