Friday, September 25, 2020

Good morning! Strange for me to have the first post, but happy to do it.

I think we are going to try a short kayak paddle, as it is very calm, so it probably won't be too strenuous. DH said he could bring a piece of rope so he could tow me back, I don't think that will be necessary.

Some friends have organized a meal delivery so I don't have to cook the first week back at school. What a blessing! They've ordered meals from one of those places where you used to be able to go and assemble meals from their ingredients to put in your freezer. Now, they can't let groups do that, so my friends are ordering preassembled meals, and will be dropping them off today. I happily cleaned out the freezer.

I'm feeling so elated to be done with treatments for now. I feel like I can finally say, I had cancer, instead of I have cancer. Little words, big difference emotionally.

Scale dropped today. I am enjoying the lack of chaos in my world from not being extreme either in bingeing or being overly restrictive. I was thinking yesterday my comfort eating was a response to the harm I felt this whole pandemic was doing to me and my world, but I was actually hurting myself far more than the cir****tances around me were hurting me. So this self-care response feel much more appropriate. Not just because the scale in moving down, but because I'm not hurting myself anymore.

Yesterday I had a nice beach walk with my friend. There wasn't a cloud a 1/4 mile inland, but the coast was completely socked in with fog. It was like we wandered into another world. But a nice change from the heat.

I had a bad dream this early morning and it was one of those where you wake up and it feels so real, the residue of it sticks to your awake self. In it I had a huge meltdown and was screaming really ugly things at my mom in front of my extended family. She hadn't deserved most of it so I felt embarrassed, but couldn't stop myself. Yuck. I'm trying to shake that off.

Nothing really happening today besides dream/brain cleansing and maybe doing some picking up around the house.

Take care all!

Those kind of dreams leave behind some kind of residue. In the midst of the cancer thing, I dreamt that my husband was having an affair with one of my friends (who in real life he had met one time, and I'm sure couldn't tell you her name). It was awful. I woke up feeling covered in bad feelings. Now DH is the most faithful of men, and this is not a concern I have. I told him about the dream, and he said, I think you're feeling pretty vulnerable right now. That made the dream make sense. What emotion I was really expressing was fear of losing him when I really needed him so much at the moment. So he didn't deserve for me to dream he was unfaithful, and your Mom didn't deserve to have you dream about screaming terrible things at her. I wonder what emotion those terrible words were meant to express/release?

And I would love to go on a walk on that fogged in beach. Sounds atmospheric. I can smell the sal****er.

Weight 123.6 so down a bit. But I am heading out with SIL for lunch at her yacht club so yet another day out.

Diane, so glad that cancer is DONE! And Cecily please continue with self-care. It was great to see Ann on TT and I sure hope her life settles down.

I went to the dentist to get my crown installed this morning and it didn't fit so new appointment on Wednesday. I am ticking down to 2 weeks until Florida departure so I need to make sure I fit stuff in. I made a flu shot appointment at my doctors office unfortunately an hour away but I haven't been able to get the high dose version at CVS so far. I also need to get my car in for an oil change.

In the meantime Mike and I are staying in Boston overnight tomorrow to escape the kids. LOL - when young we all had to escape from our parents, now with Covid living arrangements it is the kids.

Have a safe, healthy and social day!

I love your Boston escape. I don't know about your kids, but my daughter is the Covid police. The tables are turned and she is expressing disapproval of some plans, and we have to convince her we are taking all safety measures (like not sitting directly under the tent at an outdoor concert). I would really like to fly to Florida for a 4 day weekend in October. I figure my exposure on the plane will be no worse (probably better) than the 7 hours I'm going to spend in classrooms with teenagers. She DOES NOT approve.

My son has been a bit difficult but he has settled down. At first he told me I COULD NOT go to Florida but he has accepted that I am going now.

I'm the Covid Police for my dad!! Must be a kid thing...

LOL! I was for my dad, too. I finally gave up. I realized he's gonna do what he wants to do. He is much more careful now than he was at first, so I don't worry.... too much!

I think I had some sort of a disturbing dream last night too as I woke up a bit distressed but I can't remember it. This is the week leading up to my deceased DD's birthday so it is usually a difficult time.