February 21st.....My 1 Year Anniversary

Feb 21, 2009

Wow, 1 year has passed already.  I can't begin to explain how my life has changed.  At this point in time, I can say that the surgery was a whopping success!!!   :-)    But it wasn't without a few bumps in the road and alot of self - analysis.  I'm still  trying to figure myself out, who I am and who I want to be.  And also who I used to be.   It's coming down to zero (and I mean ZERO) self-confidence.  When and how did I lose all my carefree confidence of youth?  I could blame it on horrible schools that had horrible students AND horrible teachers for that matter.  But who know's if that's the whole picture.  I doubt it.  I'm still working it out in my mind.  Maybe the key is to go forward and not look back.  Maybe, for me, there is no clear cut answer.

As it is, I am very thankful for having had this surgery.  I'm doing things now that I had only dreamed of doing.  Wait...that's not exactly true.  Let me re-phrase that.  I'm doing things now that I never thought I would want to do.  I envied other people who had the confidence (there's that word again) to do those things.  But I knew I didn't have that kind of personality.  Until now.  I'm pushing myself harder,  working my way out of the box I was in.  It's not easy, and it makes me nervous and uncertain, but I have to do it.  I have started volunteering at my son's school.  I know it sounds like nothing to most people, but for me, this is major stuff!!! lol  I go to his school about 2-3 times a week.  I help children with their reading, I tutor them every Wednesday, and I also work in the library.  I help out in my son's class whenever it's needed, and whenever there is an outing.  This is just the beginning, I plan on continuing to spread my wings, and see where they carry me. 

As for weight loss,  it's been stuck at 149 lbs.  I have to work harder now at maintaining, or if I want, to lose more weight.  I'm so happy to have the restriction.  So many times over the course of the year, I've actually FELT moments in time where, if not for the surgery, I would have caved in and started the upward climb yet again.  I would NOT be 149 pounds today, that's for sure.  For that I am so grateful.  I feel healthy and strong, and capable of taking care of myself.  I feel in control and that has to be the best feeling in the world.  The only thing I've been totally slacking on is my calcium supplements.  I NEED to get on track with that.  But everything else is fine.

I've been reminiscing over the past few days and looking at my before pictures.  My husband can't believe the change.  He said to me "I loved you then and I love you now".  I can't believe how lucky I am.  But then again, we ALL deserve this, don't we.

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