John White

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Virtouswoman asked me:
I would like to know how this surgery has transformed your life and have you changed emotionally/mentally from the person you were at your heaviest?I mean I have seen both sides were some were humbled after being blessed to be approved for this and others who just went left field.


What an interesting question!  I thought I'd put my thoughts down here as well.

I think there's naturally a change in mental state as I lost weight.  First of all, the body stores hormones in fat, so I went through some mood swings during my major fat loss stages.  But that evened out, and I warned my friends ahead of time.

There was a time period when people would double-take at my weight loss.  I guess I'm still not done with that as I people at work say things every other week or so: Wow, you're still losing weight, are you still riding your bike, are you lifting weights, etc.

By mentally do you mean personality-wise?  I think I developed a bit of joking/sarcastic/wise-cracking guy attitude when I was heavy as a defense.  Who wants to make fun of the person that everyone loves because of his personality?  Well, having that friendly personality plus slimming down?  It's great.  I like to think I could be the center of a crowd before, and now it's even better with no fat-stigma to overcome.

I know I look so much more like my younger brother, who's a great looking guy, but it's tough for me to really view myself as handsome/cute/whatever.  My image of myself hasn't changed that much, so I don't have the flirt skills or inclination that some others might.  I haven't become girl-crazy, though I have done some dating.  What a weird feeling that is...  I guess I'm just not used to living in this new body yet.  I hope I never start taking it for granted, you know?

Wanted to look back at the last couple months and remember what's gone on.

I spent about six weeks starting around mid-March hovering in the 227-225 range.  It felt like a plateau.  Then I dropped down to 215 and spent 8-9 weeks hovering in that range.  During that time period, I didn't lose heart, though I did develop some bad habits, taking in carbs while dropping off my weight-lifting and pure-cardio to zero (especially around the time at 215).  I took up dancing in March, and worked up to doing it 4 days a week, but as a pure cardio exercise, it doesn't really compare to spin.  It actually doesn't seem to be as intense on my legs, either.  Odd.  At any rate, I started back up on the lifting in the evening (one day a week) instead of morning, and took the spin class right after.  That seems to have catalyzed some weight loss dropping me under 210.

Even during those plateaus, I observed some body changes.  I had to buy new compression shirts in size "large," as well as new shirts in "large" instead of "XL."  That was a big shock.  I mean, I don't remember every wearing "Large."  Certainly not in high school.  Which reminds me, I graduated high school around 220, so I weigh the least in my adult life.

Shocked to discover that at 215, I crossed from the "obese" to "overweight" catagory.  Yay me!

I'm definitely seeing some shrinkage in my final three fat stores: the tummy / lower-abdomen, inner thighs, and breasts (man boobs or moobs).  It's really amazing how much fat I can retain in the inner thigh despite cycling and spin.  The facial fat was the first to go, I think.  The tummy's been slowly shrinking, but seems to have suddenly done so significantly.  I know that doing ab work is helping that, but it's shocking to see the beginnings of the outlines of the washboard abs.  I have a ton of loose skin down there, so I doubt I'll ever be a hit at the beach, but my 32 inch (!) waist shorts aren't showing the lower-ab bulge any more.  I'm looking forward to buying my first pair of 30 in waist shorts this summer.  And lower, perhaps?  Only a few pounds away from crossing the 200 lb "Clydesdale" line too.  Did I add Lasik surgery to my reward list yet?  I should do that now...

I doubt that the breast loose skin is ever going away, and the reduction surgery doesn't leave a good scar, in my opinion.  Probably a bit ahead of the game on that front any way.  Approx $20K for plastics, Dr. Fobi says:  breasts, pannulectomy, and lower body lift.  Probably no dancing for a month.

First year anniversary was yesterday, so I thought I'd list some of the things that I'm happy with and some of the things which could be better.

I'm happy because:
1) I have very few food intolerances
2) I haven't had a problem controlling my food volume
3) I've lost 141 pounds since surgery and 177 since my initial consultation
4) My waist had gone from a 56 to a 32 with more to lose
5) I'm more socially active now than at any point in my life
6) I've been casually dating
7) I'm lighter now than the day I graduated from high school
8) I'm more physically active than at any time since college
9) My sleep schedule is more normal than at any point in my adult life
10) I've found a number of activities (cycling and swing dancing) that have made my quality of life higher than it's ever been).

Things I could work on:
1) More variety in my workouts.  Swing dancing is dominating my activities, but I need to be more consistent in my weight lifting, cycling, and spin classes
2) Being aware that being slimmer hasn't and won't solve all my problems, including the reasons why I put on all the weight in the first place
3) Being less self-conscious about hanging skin.  It's a fact of life for right now (or at least until I have the $20K for plastics), and it's really not that bad
4) Letting people walk over me.  That might have been my mode of operation as a fat guy.  It's not ok (then or now).

Been at a slow-down point on the scale during which my waist has kept on shrinking.  I didn't really have a way to quantify that except that I had to cinch in my belt more and more.  A couple of days ago, I gave in to the idea that I needed another pair of shorts.  A note on that, I like the Mossimo cargo shorts from target as they have belt loops and a draw-string.  The draw-string (on the inside, lets me go with a no-belt look, which I like with shorts.  My current 38 inch waist shorts were too big, but so were the 36 inch waist.  The 34 inch waist is what I had to go to.  34, holy crap!

I still have the pannus pooching out a little, but with shorts, I tuck the pannus and un-tuck the shirt.  Wow.

And to top it off, I dropped 6 pounds week to week.  Sometimes it just goes that way, I guess.

Did a spin class Thursday morning, and rode my bike Friday for the first time in 6 weeks or so.  Nice to get in that cardio (I've been slacking with all the swing dancing), and I'd like to start up with cycling on a more regular basis again.

Down to 222, BMI of 31. 

Taken up swing dancing, but have been really slacking on the cycling.  Would like to re-energize myself in that aspect of my exercise.  Swing dancing is rewarding in it's own right, though as far as socializing and achievement goes.

40 in waist pants are loose.  The 38 inch cargo shorts I bought recently at Target are loose as well, so will soon investigate 36 waist slacks.

Mood is on a bit of a downswing, but I can't pin down a reason why.

Have been taking a math class at the local community college, which has been very rewarding.  Back in the educational swing, as a first step towards full-time return to finish my degree.

Sad that I'm letting so much time go by between entries.  I'll try to be better.  Down to a 40 inch waist, and might be down a bit more as my 40 inch pants are starting to bunch up when I tighten my belt.  And the belt that looked fine when I bought it is starting to hang out a little more.  With all that, my pannus is still hanging around.  It might always be hanging around, I'm told.

Down under 230 last week, and am looking forward to today's weigh-in.

Came to terms with the fact that the 2XL compression shirts I've been wearing aren't fitting any more.  Went to Walmart to purchase some in the XL size (Athleticworks short-sleeve compression shirts).  I wear them every day as an under-shirt.

Pretty worriied this morning.  Though I have lost a lot of fat around my midsection, I'm starting to develop these really bony growths to each side of my belly button.  Really freaking me out.

What's that?  Hip bones?  Oh.  Am I the only one that didn't know that I'm supposed to be able to feel my hip bones like that?

Sometimes it's the small things, isn't it?  I recently noticed that the boxer-brief I wear were hanging loose when I put them on in the mornings.  Now they used to be tight (kind of the point with boxer-briefs), but it could be due to stretching out over the past months.  But when I dropped by Kohl's, I decided to risk it and buy the next smaller size.

Well, they fit fine.  So now I wear Hanes Classic Boxer Briefs, size L.  That's right, not XXL.  Not XL.  LARGE!

Sometimes it's the small things.

In honor of reaching the century mark, I uploaded a new avatar and new pictures. Had to upload the picture my old avatar was based on for comparison. Was that really me? It doesn't feel like it. I remember reading that people felt like the same fat person post-op, but I can honestly say I don't look in the mirror and see that guy.

Spent a terrific evening with Cindy R and Bryan D at Fullerton First Night.  Bryan's daughter, S, took a picture of us together with my camera-phone.  Thanks S!

I felt pretty strange as though they were planning on going and I was planning on going, we didn't actually know each other (and as such, we hadn't planned on meeting up).  I essentially saw a post in the California board that they were going to the same place I was and asked to meet up with them there.  They were gracious enough to agree, and were charming in person as well. 

We met-up at the Starbucks on Chapman and Harbor, which was a madhouse.  Well, the line was out the door, but they were slamming the drinks out pretty quickly.  Cindy and Bryan had iced coffee drinks on a night where it was down to 50-something degrees.  Insanity! :-)

What an amazing couple.  I hadn't realized ahead of time that Bryan was a WLS patient as well, nor did I realize they had met at a WLS conference.  They're an amazing couple and lots of fun to be around.  I was hoping to just wander around the area, which was good because they were both expert wanderers.  And did I mention they're an amazing couple? :-)  It was really inspiring to see how casually affectionate they are.  I don't feel a lack, but it would be nice to be in a good relationship, I think.  Not really a goal, but I should make a positive goal out of it.  Activate my social life so that I can figure out what kind of women I do and don't enjoy spending time with.  Something like that.

We dropped by Brickhouse Pizza where Cindy and S shared a piece of pepperoni pizza.  Watching people eat pizza feels a little bit dirty to me, still.  It's the only food that I loved pre-op that I don't really eat post-op (too much bread, and the rest is cheese and fatty meat;  I'll hold off, I think).  So, watching people eat it feels a little like a dirty surrogate experience.  "Oh yeah, take another bite!  How did that taste?  Is the cheese really gooey?  Maybe you should have another piece of pepperoni!"  Wow, that is so weird.

The midnight fireworks show was pretty spectacular.  I'm shocked at how good it was, actually.  Wish I had thought to take some video.  Or had a video camera.

A great night all-around.