1schlmrm

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Up until about 1/2 an hour ago I felt pretty good about my decision to go through this surgery.  Then all of a sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks...what if I'm making the biggest mistake of my life?  This is so stupid for me to have my entire life changed just because I want to look better and feel better.  I could go on a diet again and get rid of the extra pounds that way, right?  But then the rationale part of my brain takes over and I know that isn't true.  Seconds thoughts are always going to happen when making such a life altering decision.  I'm not scared of the surgery, right now.  I'm scared that I'm going to fail at this, just like I have failed at every other attempt I have made to diet before.  I can't fail at this.  Not just for myself, but for all the people around me that are supporting me and praying for me.  I will make it through this little bump in the road and everything will be fine.  I'm going tomorrow to have my living will, advanced medical directive, and power of attorney notarized.  I have given some information in my will as to what I want to happen at my funeral, which is kind of scary and sad to think about.  I know it is important to do these kinds of things because you never know what may happen.  Not that I believe something bad is going to happen on Monday, but just in case it does.  Now to try and get some sleep. 

So the pre-op class was going along swimmingly until they came to the Lovenox injections that I will have to give myself.  Are you kidding me?  I knew just about everything that they talked about in the class already except this.  It was a complete curveball.  My face went white and I started to get sick in my stomach.  I almost started to cry too.  My mother said she can't do it, and I doubt my father will be able to do it either.  I wonder if my PCP who is a good friend of mine will do it for me.  Her office is just down the road from my house.  I wonder if she would even come by the house to give it to me.  The other thing that has me really worried is that I have to stop taking my birth control pills as of right now, and may not be able to take them again for the next 8 weeks.  The reason I am on the pill is to help with severe cramping from my period, to the point that I was in bed for days at a time and throwing up.  I don't want to have to deal with that when I am fresh out of surgery.  Also, the nurses today say that I will have to wait until the day I am released from the hospital to take my depression medications again.  I know how sick I get and the withdrawl symptoms I get when I do not take those medications.  The nurse said that Dr. Spencer will find an alternative for me to be on once I am post-op.  I was very excited to know that I have no pre-op diet to do, and no leak test after surgery.  I will get to have a private room and a PCA.  I am getting a little more emotional about the surgery because it is becoming more and more real.  I feel that I am more prepared for my surgery thatn the other two women in my class.  One really didn't seem to have done her research about the procedure, and the other has never had surgery before, which I have.  We shall see. 

Okay.  So maybe I'll be a little more excited about my surgery after my pre-op class today.  Right now I feel that the surgery itself is still a little less than two weeks away and it isn't real yet.  My mother is planning to go with me today because she feels she needs to know what is going on too.  I think it is great that she is going, but I didn't force her to go.  I still have my birthday to celebrate on July 5, and maybe once that is over the surgery will consume my being and I'll get excited.  I don't know.  I haven't had any major moments of panic about it...YET.  I'm sure they're coming.  Along with everyone else on this site, the emotions will start flying soon.  I'm supposed to start my period the week of my surgery, which means next week will be one roller coaster after another.  I hope that I can get an answer about taking my medications today too.  That is one area of concern that I do have.  I'll fill you in with all the "gory" details when I get back from the class this afternoon.  

I keep thinking of all these things that I will be able to do differently next school year.  It is always a little bittersweet for a school year to end, but I'm relieved to have some downtime to concentrate on preparing for my surgery.  I have my pre-op class on June 30, and the next evening am going out to celebrate my birthday with my friends.  I hope I don't have to do a 2-week pre-op diet because I will have to cheat one time to enjoy my dinner on July 1.  Right now I'm just waiting to go to lunch with my students and then the last few hours of school.  Thank goodness!

I called the scheduler this morning and left a message for her to call me back.  She called me back and we set the date for July 12.   I have my pre-op class on June 30.  She said she would have to call my insurance to get it approved.  Ten minutes later, she called and said it had been approved.  AMAZING!  I thought that the time it took to have my breast reduction was short (1 week), but this was amazing.  Anyway, I'm excited and somewhat nervous.  Financially it kind of sucks because I can't teach summer school.  But health-wise I hope that it is going to be the best decision of my life.  Now to get ready for the rest of my life.

So I was supposed to hear from my surgeon's office this week about scheduling a date for my surgery.  I waited all day Monday...no phone call.  On Tuesday I carried my cell phone wherever I went, but still somehow I missed a phone call from thier office while I was at recess.  I spent the next 30 minutes getting all excited thinking this was the phone call I had been waiting for...NOPE!  It took forever to get an actual "human being" on the phone to take my call.  (I HATE AUTOMATED PHONE SERVICES!!!!!)  When I finally got to talk to someone, they transferred me to the nurse.  The nurse wanted to talk to me about the bloodwork I had done.  When she started in about the H. pylori infection in my blood, I stopped her and said I already knew about it and I had been on the antibiotics for almost a week.  "Oh, well, then nevermind."  AHHHHHHHHHHH!  I asked her if the infection would cause me not to be able to schedule my surgry in the near future, and she said no.  So, once again I waited with cell phone in hand everyday.  Finally today I called the surgery scheduler, but couldn't actually talk to anyone so I left a message.  I went out to dinner with two friends from work, and while I was there I missed to phone calls, both from the surgery scheduler.  She said that she had gotten my message, and was looking over my test results.  She then said that everything looked good and that I was already taking care of the H. pylori infection.  Then she said she was still waiting on the results of my PAP smear and mammogram.  I knew that couldn't be right because my GYN had sent over the results of my PAP smear almost a month ago, and by VA state law mammogram results must be given within 2 weeks, which it had been.  While the scheduler was leaving her message on my phone she discovered that both my PAP smear and mammogram results were already in my file.  Should I be concerned with the lack of follow-through with this office so far?  Whatever!  To make a long story short, the scheduler is going to call me on Monday to give me a date for my surgery.  Maybe I'll get lucky and get that for my birthday this year.  It's on July 5, and would make a great present and new "birthday" of sorts.  BTW ONLY 5 MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!!!!!

Oh boy!  If last night and today are any indications as to what the next 2 weeks are going to be like on these antibiotics, I'm not going to make it.  My stomach is absolutely on the war-path and my head is killing me.  I think the headache may be a pre-menstrual headache, but it could be a mixture of that and the antibiotics.  Everything that I eat seems to turn sour in my stomach. Yuck!

Well it was Dr. Spencer's office, but not calling for the reason I wanted.  Apparently my bloodwork came back with having above the average h.pylori bacteria in it.  I am not surprised or upset by this because I knew right away about this bacteria.  I was diagnosed with ulcers about 5 years ago and read everything I could about them.  When I started researching this procedure I knew there was a chance that could be identified in my blood.  No big deal.  I have to be on 2 antibiotics and a perscription strength form of prevacid for 2 weeks.  Hopefully, it won't cause any "other" infections.  I've never gotten one of those "other" infections from an antibiotic before so I hope this won't cause one either.  Anway, off to the drug-store to get my medicine.  Kind of funny in a way because I have made it now 2 whole months in a row without having a sinus infection, but I still am having to take antibiotics.  

WOW!  I am so glad today is over.  As I mentioned yesterday in my post, I had all of my pre-op testing today.  None of it was too awful.  I had my chest x-ray first, which I've had plenty of before.  No big deal.  Next, I had my abdominal ultrasound.  There was a student with the ultrasound tech so I got to have double the images taken, which means double the "breathe in and hold" business.  Got a little light-headed doing that, but still not a big deal.  Had my bloodwork and EKG done next.  I asked the tech who was getting ready to draw my blood if I could eat after she was done.  She told me to wait just a minute, and then came back with two things of juice, a bottle of water, two different kinds of crackers, and a cookie.  I thought that was so nice.  I had put a granola bar in my purse before I left home because I knew it would be awhile before I could eat anything.  She went the extra mile to make sure that I didn't get sick.  After I had those two tests done, I went across the street and registered for the fitness program.  Then I went upstairs to my surgeons office to meet with Jackie the Nut.  She is so great!  I really feel like she is someone I can talk to and ask questions of.  She gave me the breakdown of the diet I will be on after I get home and for the following 4-6 weeks.  My mom and dad were downtown at church working in the library, which is near where my mammogram appointment was.  We had lunch together and I took a little nap before I went onto my next appointment.  I'm kind of upset with the office that has been handling my breast issues because the surgeon I've been with for the past year has moved out of their office.  I only got the letter he was leaving on Monday with my appointment scheduled for today.  Anyway, the woman who did my mammogram was a total flake.  She kept telling me that I didn't need to have weight loss surgery.  Then she proceeded to tell me the stories of everyone in the office and their weigh issues including how unhealthy the front office girl is and how bad her eating habits are.  It was really uncomfortable.  After that I had the usual breast exam, and good news I don't have to go back until I turn 35!!!!!! YEAH!  After that appointment, I went for my psych. evaluation, which was at the same office that I go to on a regular basis to manage my depression and anxiety.  I passed with flying colors.  The shrink asked me if Dr. Spencer had mentioned that I was too young, which he hadn't.  She told me she thought I was a little on the young side.  But when I told her that Dr. Spencer had never said anything about it, she didn't say anything else about it.  She said that she thought I would do really well with the surgery.  It was such a relief and felt good to hear that.  Now we wait.  I'm supposed to hear something during the week of June 7th, which is two weeks away.  Thankfully, I am really busy between now and then with the end of the school year and rehearsals for the show.  Maybe I'll get lucky and I'll hear something earlier?!  Jackie, the Nut. said that they are now scheduling surgeries for mid-June and the end of June.  It is looking more and more like I probably won't be able to teach summer school again.  I've applied for jobs at Michaels and Kohl's and put in a word at my school's office that I am willing to do some tutoring over the summer.  Any kind of job this summer would be helpful.  We'll just have to wait and see.  

Okay so I know I didn't want to have to take another day off of work to get all of my pre-op testing done, but WHAT WAS I THINKING?!!!!!!!!!!!  I get to have bloodwork, EKG, ultrasound, meeting with the dietician, chest x-ray, mammogram, and a psych. evaluation all tomorrow.  GOOD GRIEF!  So not looking forward to it.  Perhap to reward myself for going through all that tomorrow I will go have a pedicure in the afternoon.