Panic Setting In

Jul 08, 2010

Up until about 1/2 an hour ago I felt pretty good about my decision to go through this surgery.  Then all of a sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks...what if I'm making the biggest mistake of my life?  This is so stupid for me to have my entire life changed just because I want to look better and feel better.  I could go on a diet again and get rid of the extra pounds that way, right?  But then the rationale part of my brain takes over and I know that isn't true.  Seconds thoughts are always going to happen when making such a life altering decision.  I'm not scared of the surgery, right now.  I'm scared that I'm going to fail at this, just like I have failed at every other attempt I have made to diet before.  I can't fail at this.  Not just for myself, but for all the people around me that are supporting me and praying for me.  I will make it through this little bump in the road and everything will be fine.  I'm going tomorrow to have my living will, advanced medical directive, and power of attorney notarized.  I have given some information in my will as to what I want to happen at my funeral, which is kind of scary and sad to think about.  I know it is important to do these kinds of things because you never know what may happen.  Not that I believe something bad is going to happen on Monday, but just in case it does.  Now to try and get some sleep. 

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