Starting Over

Jan 25, 2010

After getting clearance from my oncologist - No Evidence of Disease - I went back to my band surgeons office for a fill today after nearly a year of being empty. A year of steroids, stress, anxiety, comfort foods and a whole lot of emotional eating I regained 60 pounds!!! But I am back in the swing of it. She started me with a small fill and I will be back in 4 weeks. I have faith in the band and with its help I know my body will lose the weight yet again. I am so grateful that it is still there to help me! So we'll see how well I can follow the band rules now that I know the secrets to cheating and how to eat around the band, and now that I don't have that initial fear of breaking the rules. I know too much! But thats a good thing too, so I will plunge forward and try my best to follow the good rules of banding not the ones I learned to break! It is certainly a journey not a destination.
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Random thoughts and update

Oct 28, 2009

I am stopping by to post a quick update. I just completed my 10th chemo treatment on Monday and have 2 to go. Since my last posting I have lost my hair, my uterus (and more!) and have gained 40 pounds! I never thought I would have to face the weight battle again, but it will be the battle I face once my treatments are done. Should be the least of my worries, but its still there. Add the baldness and feeling terrible and its not a good look!

I scrolled through a few pages and don't recognize names - could be chemo brain but I think the majority of people who were banded during my time have moved on with their lives and are just living and enjoying life. At least that is my hope. And yet there is such a familiarity in reading the concerns and questions, the stories and challenges, because even though the people change the issues don't. I will never regret being banded, and just hope that I can use the band again and that it will be able to help me get a sense of normality and control back in my life that cancer has taken away from me.

I am on full disability leave from work and have "dark days" but for the most part I stay positive and look towards the future. I pray that this is just a chapter in my book that I will look back on and say "remember when" and it will not  be a constant struggle that I will face or that it will take me too soon. I have too much to live for, thin or not! :)
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My Life with Cancer - Quick Update

Apr 20, 2009

I am adding a quick update - I have received so many messages and am so grateful for your care, concern & support! On Friday I will receive my 3rd chemo treatment - I am receiving carbo/taxol/avastan as my method of treatment every 3 weeks. On Thursday I will see my doctor and have a blood test which shows the success of the treatments I am receiving. I will have 6 treatments before surgery (in July most likely) - a radical hysterectomy where I will have my omentum, uterus, ovaries removed, and possibly lose my spleen, have a possible partial bowel resection, and have a few other tumors from my abdomen and diaphragm removed. Then it will be 4-6 additional treatments once that is done.
On the positive note, I have been able to spend so much more time with my kids as I am on short term leave from work. I try to stay positive and strong but I of course have my low days as can be expected.
I am pumped with steroids to help with nausea, and as a result I have an appetite like a football player - and with an empty band I am left to my own weakened will to fight off food! So sadly, the scale is going up and I am trying to catch it. I was empty 3 years ago around Easter time and gained 30 pounds! I pray I am catching it in time and am not headed in that route again!!!
I think of this site often and remember how wonderful a community it is. I wish everyone health and happiness in their journeys!
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Positive Thinking

Mar 06, 2009

It seems life gives us tests that we don't always understand, but I have always known that everything in life happens for a reason, we just have to have faith and trust that even seemingly bad things come with silver linings.

I will not detail the events leading up to March 5, 2009 except to say that every woman should be very conscious of even the littlest of symptoms they may have. Yesterday I was diagnosed with statge 3 ovarian cancer. I will begin chemotherapy  treatments on March 13th. In anticipation of my exploratory biopsy I had an unfill on March 2nd, and will be without the help of my band indefinitely. Of course weight loss is kind of on the back burner of life's important issues right now, but it feels like saying goodbye to a friend.

Ladies, my symptoms were gas pains, constiptation, a month (November) where I gained 10 pounds without reason, heavy periods, an odd pulling sensation on one side, and a frequent need to urinate, especially at night. Who wouldn't discard these as stress related, maybe a not so perfect diet, a pulled muscle, or thats "just how my body works"? Ovarian cancer is known as a silent killer because the symptoms are so vague. My pap from my January Obgyn appointment came back clean. I am fortunate and grateful to have had a dr who had the insight to do a simple blood test - looking for the CA 125 protein, which led me to an ultrasound, a cat scan, and ultimately to a GYN Oncologist.

I have not been part of this community so many  people do now know me. I am sorry for that - the OH boards were a huge part of my life at one time and I tried to give back support as I could through the years following my surgery. I now don't have my band to depend on, but am reaching out in hopes that anyone who reads this might think a positive thought for me. With positive energy and prayer I will fight this disease and regain my health. I have three young boys who are counting on me being here for the long haul, and I will not let them think that cancer was able to beat their strong mom.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, and please take care of yourselves. Listen to your body and be sure to treat yourself and any little symptom you have as if your child were to have that symptom. If you stop and think "would I bring him to the dr to be seen about that?" and the answer is yes - then take yourself to the dr. Peace, love and success in life to all you.
Kristin
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Looking ahead

Jan 06, 2007

Last summer I noticed a lump on my then 3 year old's back.  At his 4 year old check up in August I happened to mention it to his doctor, who surprisingly referred me to a pediatric surgeon at Yale.  I felt completely out of place waiting in her office - surrounded by sick children, cancer patients, children who clearly had terrible health issues.  It made me feel vulnerable and uncomfortable.  Clearly my son did not belong in this group of patients, right?  A cat scan and MRI later the news came - a tumor.  Suddenly I WAS the mom of one of those children - and not only was there a tumor that needed to be removed, but the MRI showed a pool of spinal fluid at the base of his spinal cord that would at the least need additional surgery to be drained.  What could cause THAT I ask?  Hmm.. a fall, a birth defect, or perhaps a brain tumor, we won't know until we do a full scan of the brain and spinal cord.  Oh - and we won't do THAT until after your son has healed from the surgery in early December where we remove that tumor from his back, and he won't be fully healed until the week before Christmas.  Oh - and more? yeah - we won't actually GIVE you the results until a few days into the new year, just in case you actually wanted some sleep. 
Since August - this has been my life. Tumors? Spinal fluid? Surgery or surgerIES on my 4 year old son?  Why is this happening?  I can't answer that but know that God had a reason to test me, to test us, and to ultimately come back to show us that we passed his test.  My son's tumor was benign and although his spinal cavity is enlarged, it is normal for him, and no additional surgeries are required - he is a healthy boy.  Thank the Lord.
2006 brought me and my family many tests - of my own health, my son's health, my marriage.  I have been given many blessings and many second chances - I don't want to take that for granted.  I spent a lot of time being petty and ungrateful to the people who matter to me most.  I can't and won't do that any more.   I see drama on the board and it makes me sad - sad because there are SO many more important things in life than how we interpret written words from a e-community.  This board GAVE me my success in my first year - I absolutely would not have had the same success if it had not been for the people here.  Likewise, after my plastic surgery ordeal, I do not know how I would have found my center and focus for healing without the wonderful people here.   And although I was always a spitirual person, Frances made me truly believe in the power of prayer and the power of God.  I hope people in this great community don't lose sight of the most important things in life - family, friends, health, happiness - and the list goes on.   And please - hug your children LOTS and lots.  They are my greatest blessing of all. 

New found focus for 2007

Jan 04, 2007

I am all about getting to goal - I hope this energey and drive lasts!!  I did decide to leave WW and try it on my own - but I signed up to do 2x a week with my trainer again (only could do 1x a week for December) and am back into exercise.  I am at 172 "again" so I have 27 pounds to go to get to goal.  I am setting myself stricter guidelines this year - hoping by Easter to have it done.  I feel wonderful healthwise and could comfortably stay at this weight and feel normal - but I really want to get to goal and know that I finished what I set out to do.  March 1st will mark one year out from plastics and at this point I can finally say that yes, I AM happy that I did it - but I don't know that I would do it again.  It has tremendously improved my self confidence - I NEVER would have walked around half naked before, whereas now I am always in my bra and underwear - or less LOL!  My husband has enjoyed it let's just keep it at that.... I still lurk on the board but I have found that being banded now isn't a lot about questioning the dynamics of the band as much as questioning why I eat -- all of the things I should have addressed before I had the surgery really.  Am I just lazy? Do I WANT to stay fat? Am I punishing myself for something? What?  In my heart I know I want it, but something keeps me from following through.  I have made great friends through this site and know we will be bonded forever for having gone through this experience.  I can't wait to meet face to face someday!  Ok - so here's to 2007.  To being stronger, to being more diligent, and to aiming for the stars and reaching them.

Don't like new format :(

Dec 04, 2006

I love that OH offers me a place to journal my story - for myself, but for others, too - I remember how I tried to read every profile I came across to find people similar to me in size, etc., and just to read another person's perspective on the process.  i just realized though that the story option only copied up until January 06 of my story - I'm so bummed!  I am so glad I saved it elsewhere!
OK - sorry for the little rant (must be lack of food making me grumpy! lol)  So I've been on WW since October 8th-ish and I've lost 15 pounds! I did have a fill in between and think I am at my sweet spot again after about 8 months of not being there. very cool!  I also started a new job where I am on my feet for 7+ hours a day - its been great exercise and keeps me from the mindless snacking I do at home.  I have 15 more to lose to get to my lowest, so I am feeling renewed and remotivated, which is especially good going into the holiday season.  I fit back into my size 12 jeans which made me SO happy.  I am having a lot of progress at the gym & actually have stomach muscles on my new flat tummy - I have never had either of those ever in my life!!! I am happy - very happy.  Drink your water, exercise, stay focused most of the time, follow the rules and enjoy those new numbers. 

2 Years Out

Nov 09, 2006

Well I am over 2 years out, not at goal, and trying to figure out how to adjust to this new web format! I have never blogged before - I am sure I am doing this wrong.  I copied my old profile into "My Story" because I don't want to lose it.  I hope everyone who decides to take this path journals somehow somewhere - its so wonderful to go back & read entries from good times & bad, and appreciate this gift.  I am still confident in the process and in myself that I will get to my goal.  Its just taken so much longer than I would have hoped or anticipated.  There have been bumps in the road, as there always are, but I keep looking forward and have realized that there are so many bigger issues in the world, and in my own world, then just my weight.  Its not all about me sadly! LOL  So I will keep trudging on, with my sights on healthy living and trying to control my emotional eating.  I continue to be grateful for the people I've met here. 

About Me
CT
Location
28.7
BMI
Surgery
10/08/2004
Surgery Date
Jul 24, 2004
Member Since

Friends 23

Latest Blog 8
Looking ahead
New found focus for 2007
Don't like new format :(
2 Years Out

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