kimberly b

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Its been 2 1/2 years since my surgery and I lost all I wanted and then some. Now in the last 16 months I have put on 30 pounds total. Most of it has been from the last couple of months. I had a hysterectomy in December 07. It was very sad because my husband and I had been trying to have a baby for such a long time. Its been very depressing and I find myself "snacking" a BUNCH. Thats what I use to do when I was depressed, thats what got me obese. So now here I am, falling back into my old self. I am not happy with the way I look. The skin is horrible. I am so mishapened thats its sickening. I know its all in my head and my eyes. My husband adores me and loves me. He doesnt care. He didnt care when I was 240 lbs and he married me. I am just so depressed. I know its all from having the hysterectomy. I feel that God put me on this earth to be a wife and a mother. I have 2 beautiful daughters. But just knowing that I will never experience pregnancy and the joys of having a newborn is at time unbareable.  I know its something I must work through and get control of. Please keep me in your prayers. I hope that my next blog will not take so long and I will be in better spirits.

It's been since March on my update! Oh Goodness! Well, lets begin with it then! lol

I got a promotion at work (yeahhh!) But decided that I did not really care for the new position after a couple of weeks. So I have been working on getting a transfer. It should be completed in the next few weeks. 

My hubby is home for about 3 weeks before he goes to Ft. Bragg, NC. I have been enjoying our time together. We have decided not to try for a baby. We are both to a point in our lives that we need to focus on the kids we have and the grandbabies. It's totally fine with me.

We went to visit the kids in Michigan a few weeks ago. Danny and his daughter are finally talking again and he couldnt be happier. All he keeps saying is, "Thats my baby girl!" She graduated from high school the 1st of June. Very proud of her!!! Also got to see the middle son and his family. Spent a lot of time with the grandbabies :) Saw his oldest son, but of course he didnt speak to his dad. They havent spoken in years. But I know one day that will change. God does answer prayers. We also learned that we are going to be grandparents again. 

The girls are doing fine. They both passed to the next grade. Hannah made the high school cheer squad. We are very excited about that. Kayla will be at the middle school this year. I cant believe how my babies are growing up so fast. And talking about beautiful! They are gorgeous!!!!

I cant think of anything else that is going on. Take care!

I didn't realize its been a couple of months since I last updated. I have discovered the wonders of www.myspace.com :) I guess I need to get caught up on here as well! lol

I am now 19 months out and doing wonderfully. I am still battling the cookie urge and I have put on about 12 pounds. I am now at 142. I am going to jump start the loss again to get back to 135. I know I need to get rid of the cookies. And I am honestly not working on it yet, lol I still have a problem with drinking plain water. The minerals make my stomach cramp. So I have to mix it with Crystal Light. My favorite is the peach tea. I can drink it by the gallons!! I have noticed that I can eat a considerable amount of food at one sitting which kinda bothers me. I can eat a whole sandwhich and maybe a few fries or chips. It just depends on what it is. I sat down last weekend and ate a 9 oz steak, some brocolli and a small portion of mashed potatoes. It still freaks me out. I am so scared of stretching my stomach out. But anyway, enough of that!
I flew this past weekend to see my husband in WI. It was so good seeing him. Yes, we are still trying for a baby. So you can imagine how my weekend went :) We did find the time to go to the Jelly Belly jelly Bean factory and the Miller Brewry. Did you know they give free samples after the tour at the beer place?!?!?! Needles to say I had a REALLY GOOD time, although the buzz only lasted 20 minutes, lol Oh well!
The girls are doing good. Hannah is on the Powerhouse Cheer Squad. They are a christian based competition squard. We had competition recently in Knoxville where the girls won the FCC Nationals!!! Go BULLDOGS!!! We have our final competition in Atlanta for the SOS on March 23rd and 24th. So if any of you are going to be there, let me know. 
I am still at the base in the same office. I do not remember if I posted about the drama with another job I was offered. Long story short, I didnt accept it, lol Still looking for a promotion though. But will enough where i am working at right now. No matter how dysfunctional these crazy folks are, they are FUN! :)
Thats about all thats going on. I will try to be better at posting.
Love ya!

Hello folks! I am glad the holidays are finally over! I enjoyed having family here. Really wished they could of stayed longer. But folks gotta work, gotta pay bills and get back to their lives, lol 
Danny was home most of December and even came back for a long weekend last week. This man is something else. I love him to death. He has mapped out my "fertile" time for the next year and is taking 4 day passes to come home during that time, hehehehe I honestly think he is just doing it to kill me, lol hahahaha I know TMI Kim, TMI!!
My weight has started to come back on and shift a little. I know its b/c I have this controlable urge to continuously eat pecan sadies. They arent as fat and filled with sugar has other cookies. Its strange, when I am at work, I eat like I am suppose too. But when I am home, I am ALWAYS in the fridge grabbing string cheese or cookies. I am constantly eating. I have tried to eat more fruit and pick healthier snacks. But that doesnt always happen. I was down to 130 now i am about 138 and my clothes are fitting differently. I noticed my face is filling in more. Which that is a good thing. I was looking a bit anorexia in the face. I can tell inches are coming back on. I know what I need to do. I know I didnt go through having this surgery just to screw it up and return to the "fat" me. I hate it. But I am not doing anything about it. I am wondering if I am intentionally trying to sabatoge (sp) myself? If so, why??? I feel better than I have in years and I look a lot better. My family is happier that I am healthy. So why do I constant do things like this? I have a bunch of questions and no answers. I am kinda lost right now. Maybe its just my hormones? who knows? lol Hopefully things will get better. Until next time!!!!

Wow, I can't believe its already the end of 2006! So much has happened this year. SO this post will be my year in review!!!

1. The most important thing that has happened this year is that my wonderful darling husband made it back home safely from Iraq. It was a really hard year for the whole family. I thank the good LORD above for bringing my soulmate back home to me and the girls. Our love for each other has grown deeper and stronger.

2. I have lost a total of 110 lbs and I have been able to maintain within 10 lbs for the last 6 months. Oh and walking up and down the stairs at work has really done wonders for my rearend, lol

3. After 6 long years, I was finally able to get a civil service job at the AFB. Now I have a career with benefits!!!!!!!

4. I bought a HOUSE! Thats right! I bought it!!!!! Without any help from anyone. I did it all on my own!!!!

5. My bonus son and his family came down (from Michigan) to visit and fell in love with Georgia. They are wanting to move down in the Spring!!!

6.  My POC (polycystic ovarian syndrome) is GONE!!!

7. I have the green light to have a baby!

8. I can fit into a bathtub without feeling like I am a sardine in a small can!!!!

I am sure there is more, but this is all I can think of right now. Hope eeryone had a wonderful Merry ChristHanKwanzamas and have a safe NEW YEAR!!!

Morning all! Normally I update on the weekends but I have been slacking a bit. Last weekend my family (mother, step father, brother, sister in law, niece, sister, brother in law, nephew and my 2 girls and one of their little friends) drove to Bryson City, NC to ride the Polar Express. IT WAS SO COOL! We all wore our Christmas PJ's, drank hot chocolate, ate a rice krispy treat, sange carols, looked at the Christmas lights as we rode down the tracks, they also had the story of the Polar Express over the loud speaker as the conductors walked around with the book showing the pictures. Then the train started to come to a stop and who do you think we saw?!?! Saint Nick himself on a sleigh waving to all the children on the train. He walked towards the train and disappeared. Then we heard jingling of bells, and a hearty HO HO HO! Santa Claus was in our train car and all the kids went nuts!! He had a little elf walking with him handing out jingle bells on a pretty blue leather band. What I thought was great was when he passed my oldest daughter, she was wearing her Georgia Bulldog sweatshirt. Santa looked at her and said, "Is that the team you support?" She said, "Yes sir". Santa then said, "Thats a good team to support, I support them myself!" Both of my kids and my brother thought that was awesome. My brother in law who is a HUGE Tech fan looked miffed, lol It was funny. All the little kids got their pictures with Santa and told him what they wanted for Christmas. When he came back by, he spotted my daughter out again and asked if she planned on going to UGA. He told her she needed to make sure she made good grades if that was her dream to go. I tell you, Hannah is almost 14 years old, knows all about Santa, but that night, my "teenager" was a little kid. Kayla my 10 year old has always wanted to be an "elf". She use to run to me all the time showing me her ears, asking, "Are they getting pointed yet?!?!?" She wanted to be an elf so bad. She actually believed in Santa still till this past summer when her biological father started putting doubts in her head and she came to me and asked me for the truth. It broke my heart telling her. But she told me she didnt care, she still wanted to believe. So I let her believe. I love Christmas, its my favorite time of year other than my girls birthdays. Christmas I get to act like a kid (not much different than from my norm, lol) I believe in Santa, because, you see, we all have a little Santa in us. We do for others to make them happy. Just a little something to bring a smile to their face. I dont care what i get for Christmas, I just want to see the smiles on others faces. People are more friendlier and helpful during this time of year. Kinda wish it were like that all year around, share the love. Even if its a smile or a thank you. Kindness to one will be passed on to another and another and another. Oh and lets not forget the real reason for Christmas...Christ.
Much love and Peace to everyone!! Merry CHRISTmas!!!

Here lately I have been worried about my weight again, A LOT. My mother has been sooo worried that I am loosing to much weight. She keeps making comments when I see her like, "I am going to make you sit down and eat a whole turkey!!! You are getting to skinny". This has ben going on for several months. She finally told me not long ago that she has noticed that I am not loosing weight but tightening up. My skin is finally going back some, which is a good thing. So that made me feel better. Then my darling wonderful husband made a comment to me when I was having a lazy day and wearing a baseball hat. I have a long neck, and yes, its skinny. But he told me when I wear my hat I look anoxeria. Now I know he and my mother do not mean any harm. But deep down I freaked out. I have gone from one extreme to another. Instead of stressing on being fat, now I am stressing on being too skinny. I know this sounds crazy. I am scared of being too skinny. I do not want people to see me and think, "Ohhh she has a eating problem". My weight fluxuates 7 to 9 pounds, depending on the time of the month, lol I try to keep it around 135. If it goes any lower, I am COSNTANTLY eating. Well, thats not true, I constantly eat anyway on the weekends. I do not have set times I eat, I just snack all day long. This never happens when I am at work. Its not jsut protien I snack on either. I have figured out the math and I know how many grams of sugar I can eat at a time, know how long I can wait to eat more. Chocolate chip cookies are my weakness. Anything basically with chocolate in them. I go from Famous Amos, to satans minuns the Keebler Elves. But I did discover some cookies that are made with Splenda and I love them. Especially the chocolate covered graham crackers. I can snack on them ALL DAY. I don't know whats wrong with me. I researched this surgery for a year, jumped through all the hoops. Now look at me, scared to loose too much, scared to put it back on. I do not know how much my body can take before it decides to forget it all and pack on the pounds. I know I am rambling and probably do not make much sense, lol In all fairness, I haven't had my coffee yet this morning! hahaha Love ya!

Good Morning everyone!
Today is an awesomely cool morning and I love it. Just hate that this is my husbands last day home till Christmas. I get so use to being a "married single parent", that its an adjustment everytime he comes home. It's even worse when he leaves. But i know in no time I will get back into the swing of things. Not much longer and he will be able to stay home for good. Just 2 more years of going through this and he can retire in the service. I can't wait!

Since he has been home, we have been none stop. His flight leaves this afternoon and he just finished moving the rest of our stuff from the other house. We got rid of a bunch of crap, but still have a double car garage FULL. He kept complaining about how much we have. I had to remind him that with buying this house, we also lost about 700 sq ft of living space. I know we still need to thin things out. It's going to take some time. I am planning on getting a bunch done next weekend. But the house looks good and I am happy :)

Dannys son John called the other day and told us his family is coming down for Christmas! I am soooo excited! The grandbabies will be here for Christmas morning!!!! :) We are all excited. Danny is so funny. He is such a tough guy, but when that little Faith gets on the phone and says, "Hi Papa! I wuv you!" He just MELTS!  Its too cute! I cant wait till they get here. Its going to be a wonderful Christmas!

Ohhhh! I got some gooooood news!!! Ever since I started working out at the base, I have been applying for all kinds of jobs. 60 to be exact. 20 of them are still open and I got a referral for one. I rec'd an email the other day for an interview. So I have one set for Thursday morning. This job series has the potienal of going up to a GS-11 which is WAY GOOD MONEY!!!! What I am in now is only up to a GS-09. I am starting out as a GS-05.. I just need to make money, I jsut made the 1st house payment and I tell ya, IT HURT!!!!! hahahaha

Well, I better get going, need to take a shower and get ready to go to the Altanta Airport and drop Danny off. I hate that. Oh well. Take care everyone! Love to all!

This morning as I was laying in bed with my husband laying next to me I realized how much I really am thankful for. In 3 days we have been together for 3 years. I have known my husband for 4. (I will tell you later how we met! :) Dang Kim, stop branching off! lol Get back it it!!! hahaha)

The time my husband and I have been together has not been easy. We were friends for a year before we started dating. Well, we didnt actually date, lol He came over to help my roommate and I move into a house and kinda never left, lol It was hard starting out with him. I lost my job 2 weeks after we moved and he just recent got out of the active duty reserves. He wasn't use to have 2 kids (girls) around and we were difinately not use to having a man around the house. I was a single parent for 5 or 6 years. So use to being in charge (kinda still am, lol) He went back to work at TSA in Atlanta and we struggled very hard especially with me not working. We were married in May 04. And things started to get better. After not working for 6 months, I landed a pretty good job in construction. So life started getting better. To help the family out, my husband re-enlisted this time in the GA National Grd. By January he was called active for Iraq. We were completely devistated. 

We together had researched the wls for about a year and I was in the process of surgery. I told him that I was going to wait till he came back home. I was scared to death of having the surgery without him here. Now some of you have already read this in my profile from before (before I lost my original posting). SO ya'll just sit tight so the newbies can catch up! hahaha My wonderful husband has been so supportive of me. He married me when I was WAY over 200, he has never known me to be skinny. He is a big time exercise freak and is a pretty HUGE dude :O) I call him my muscles. Our little joke is the only reason I married him is b/c he can lift heavy boxes, lol Anyway, back to it! Danny encouraged me to continue on with the surgery. He felt that we have done enough research and had all the confidence in the world in the surgeon we chosed. So on Aug 31st, 2005, at 8:30am, I was wheeled back to the OR for surgery. That day changed my whole life.

My husband came home in April 06 to a new wife. He told everyone, if the kids hadnt been with me, he would of not recognized me! You hear so many times that people split after one has the surgery and looses the weight. That hasnt been the case for us. If anything, it has made our relationship stronger. We are more in love today than the day we were married. We cant walk by each other without touching. He tells me at least 30 times a day that he loves me and will stop me in the middle of a store just to tell me how much he loves me. I am guilty, I do it to him as well! :o) We are so madly in love it makes other sick! hahaha We have actually been stopped  times by strangers at a store or on the street with them telling us, "Keep it up! Never stop showing your love!" no joke! Once we were at Target or Walmart, twice when we were leaving the gym and walking down the street and the other on our Anniversary trip last May in Savannah.

I am not only thankful for my husband, but for my beautiful daughters, Hannah and Kayla. After all we have been through, I have to tell you we have a special relationship. We are so close and talk about everything. And I do mean EVERYTHING! They are really good kids and other parents often tell me how they rather their kids hang out with mine b/c they know they are good kids and can trust their own with them. I tell you what, that makes a parent proud. Hannah is 13 and so grown. She is on the Powerhouse Cheerleading Squad. Its like a dream come true for her. I am so proud of her. Now if we can get those grades up a little more things will be even better!!! haha Kayla, my little Boo. She has been doing gymnastics now for a couple of months and she is doing awesome! Her grades this year has improved 110%. She struggled last year at another school, but honestly, I think it was the teacher. She is making all A's & B's and has so many friends. I am so proud of them both and soooo thankful they are my kids :)

I am also thankful for my friends. My oldest friend and my dearest friend sent me something the other day saying, Friends at one point stop being friends and become sisters" (or something like that). You just do not know how true that is! Brandy is not only my best friend, but my soulmate sister. Even though we do not get to talk or see each other much anymore, she is still very close to my heart and I will always love her and her precious family!

I cant forget all about my OH board friends. Ya'll have been a huge support for me. Even if I havent posted much lately, I am always learking around, lol I have only met a few of you, but after reading your profiles and keep up with them, its like I have known you all my life! thank you for being there even when you didnt even realize it! hahaha

I know I am going on and on, but I am thankful for a couple 3 more things, lol Be patient! I am thankful for my job at Robins. It took me 6 years, but I finally got on and I am so proud to be part of the Airforce Team. I have great co workers and one of the best supervisors ever. She has been gold to me and my family.

Another thing is my boys, lol Yes, my animals. If you know anything about me, you know I love my dogs and my cat. Jack my great dane is the gentle giant. And let me tell you, he loves his mama!!!! He still thinks he is a lap dog, all 120 lbs and all!! Tink the orange tabby cat has started to get more loving in his old age. He is the only cat I know that will carry on a conversation with you and know exactly what you are saying, lol Its strange. Then their is Buddy....oh Lord, where do I start with this dog?!?!?! I have figured out he is totally ADHD and may have been dropped a couple of times when a pup. He drives me nuts! But he has a good heart and just wants to be loved...dont we all?!?!

Now my last thing I am thankful for is my house. After years and years of struggling financially, I was able to qualify to purchase a home. It kills me, I cant get a Lowes credit card, but i can buy a freakin house! lol This house is a huge accomplishment for me. Between my ex husband and my poor judgement (and trusting) my credit was ruined. The feeling is amazing knowing I was able to get this house on my own. But if it werent for Danny, we wouldn't be able to afford it. So I am thankful for his paycheck as well! hahahahaha

Ok, I am rambling now!!! I hope ya'll had a great Thanksgiving Holiday surrounded by people you love. Always cherrish the momments you have and make plans to visit those you haven't seen in awhile. It will do the heart some good!
Love and peace to everyone!

Normally I post on Saturday mornings, but not this early! :o) It's been another crazy week. I will be glad when this move is finally over with! With cheerleading, gymnastics, church, the storms and in class all week, not much got done around this house. I still need another day to finish with the packing. But all I have is a few hours this morning. Then I have to take the boys to the kennel, finish the laundry and pack and get on the road no later than 12:30. Yep, thats right! On the road heading to Atlanta. My hubby is coming HOME for the holidays!!!!! I am so excited. :o) I just wished we were coming back home to finish packing. But NOOOOO he wants to go to Columbus for the night. I really can careless and feel that he has his priorities out of whack. But I understand his reasoning. He wants to take me to the old watering hole and show me off. Oh well. We will get up early tomorrow morning and come on back home. He said that we will be able to get the rest done before we go pick up the moving truck and before April gets here to help. Ok, enough about the move, lol

I met a few people this week that I wanted to talk about. The building I work in is a secured building. I think I have mentioned it before. They are having sheetrock hung on the 1st floor. Since you have to have a special security badge to work in there, whoever  doesnt have the clearance has to be escorted around. ie..construction workers. I was called downstairs to cover for another lady the other morning. While I was on "babysitting" duty, I met this woman who was escorting the cleaning lady. I found out that she is getting the wls on Dec 18th in Alabama. She is very excited and was happy to meet someone in the same building that has had the surgery. Its so exciting!! I gave her my cell and email address so we can keep in touch. She doesnt have anyone here to give her support. So I am going to be her personal cheerleader!!! I am so excited :o) She is so sweet. Her name is Tonja and please keep her and her surgeon in your prayers.

Another lady that I met this week is someone that I feel like I have know for years. When I started researching the wls, my best friend Brandy (ya'll should know all about her now!!! :o) ) found the Obesityhelp.com site and a profile that pretty much mirrored my life. We both suffered from POS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) had an ex husband that was pretty much the same as mine. I kept up with her profile and hoped that one day I would meet this lady at one of the gatherings. After some time, we did talk on the phone once about a local support group, but I never had Tuesday nights free to attend. Well, come to find out, she works a couple of buildings from me. We made plans and had lunch together yesterday. This lady is truly an inspiration. I am thankful to have her as a friend and hope to get together again soon when we have more time just to "hang out". Tonya Lamb, you ROCK! 

Let me think, what else has been going on.... I still have the Bubba Gump of a dumb dog. He has cost me $1000 from a couple of weeks ago. I am taking them to the vet this morning to kennel till Monday. Guess what dumbbutt has gone and done now?!?! Somehow he got the satillite off his head and totally ripped up the cast on his leg! There went that grand! he is walking on it some. and even slept on it last night. I am telling you he is touched. But he jumps up on everything and wants to play with Jack the great dane. I jsut dont know what to do with him. I am not taking them to the same vet I did when Buddy got him by a car. He is good, but I cant afford him. So I am taking them to my regular vet. They will just have to get Buddys record from the other vet. Why cant Buddy be more like a normal dog?!?!? My husband wants to get rid of him. But we can't, he is Kayla's dog and Jacks "Buddy". Oh well. 

I better get going now. Te washer is done and time for the next load. Love to everyone and enjoy your weekend!