October 23, 2009

Oct 23, 2009

It has been a while.  I just got back from a trip to Illinois for my job.  It was the first time in 21 years I had ever been away from my kids.  Admittedly, it was hard on all of us.
  Eating wise, it was a struggle for me to be out and about.  Work gave me a 1500 dollar allowance for 30 days.  I spent 800 of it.... the scary part was looking at the receipts.  That is when I realised that in the 30 day stay, I had almost 400 dollars worth of coffee consumed!  I either ate my protiens from the hotels breakfast bar, or consumed peanut butter and crackers to avoid eating out.  When I finally did eat out , it was more for the noise of people than the desire for food.  The silence was deafening compared to my busy and noisy home.  Dogs, kids and my mom's absense was too much.  I found myself sitting in the coffee shop at the local book store or eating out merely for the clanking of cups and white noise of mixed voices and pitch of people. 
But, really when I think about it, that is an amazing change for me.  I would have loved to have any excuse to go out and devour mounds of food.  Two buffet places within a mile of my stay... both were skipped over simply because (I told my co-workers) I could not make the most of them.  reality is, it would have been nice to have a broad selection of food... but I would have eaten way too much and felt like crud.  Why tempt myself to pain.  I still struggle enough with my weight and eating  right.  I think that just will never go away.  I was once a volumn eater... and I still like the feeling of fullness way too much to put just anything in this body. 
My pants size has went up from a 14 to a 16.  My doctor says it is because of the menapause and not to panic.  My weight fight over 10 pounds stopped when I stopped  fighting with it... it was a loosing battle.  So, one size up and I am staying here.  I just wanted to go back. 
Vitamins and b complex still stay a vital part of my every day.  I am coming up on 4 years later and I need them every day.  Just try skipping them for a few days and see how bad you feel. 
My hair loss is from menapause too.  Even with proteins, I have become a shedding machine.  LOL  Funny the guys still tell me they love my long hair.  As thin and secretly grey as it is.  Haa Haa. 
One year ago I had my tummy tuck.  My body is as beautiful as any other average gal.  My mind is happy and my clothes are pretty.  What more can I ask for. 

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