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Thought I'd check-in.  Still going strong.  I think it's been 42 days since I last drank...give or take.  I'm still attending my support groups.  YEAH ME!!

Yesterday, my BFF and I decided to hit the spa for some much needed relaxation.  We both got the full body scrub w/ 60 minute massage.  AMAZING!  Well, the spa also has what's called the V-Steam.  I remember seeing Tia and Tamera get it done a few years ago, so we decided...hey...why the hell not!  For $50 more bucks...let's do it!  Okay... so, you sit on this chair that looks like a toilet and they have aromas and "healing" infused oils that are supposed to aide a healthier Va-Ja-Ja, cleansing and killing bateria of sorts.  I'll say... that it was not as great of a feeling as I had hoped.  I guess my vagina is sensitive cause the steam was so fucking hot it was almost burning...in fact I had to keep adjusting the towel they put down just to block some of the steam.  It's a 30 minute process where they not only have you in this plastic type gown (where you SWEAT uncontrolably) the room is fucking hotter then hell AND they have nerve to serve PIPPING HOT tea as well.     All in all - it was good time spent at the spa.  I don't think I'll ever try the v-steam again though.  I think once is enough - just to say you got one before.  Ha!

I now have a hobby...it's called cleaning my house!  It's rather odd... I never noticed the amount of dust/dirt near the window seals or on the baseboards.  I must have been seriously drunk not see all of the dust that has accumlated... even the corners of the carpets were terrible.  I'm starting to notice everything... I am certianly not a neat freak - but I thought I lived in a fairly clean home... WRONG.  Cleaning out the kitchen cupboards - WOW.  I had food from 2009 in the cabinets.  Stuff I remember buying before I had surgery was still in the cuboards.  Uggh.  Thank goodness nothing was rotten or involved a pest issue.   Anyway - as I have changed my life for the better - I've found that I have to keep busy every minute of the day.  At work, I'm like a turbo 9000 - I have to constantly be moving or doing something physical.  Still going to the gym...went to boot camp last Saturday - it kicked my ass!!!!!!!  My body clearly wasn't ready or used to the kind of activity... I was badly sore till Wednesday.

I'm constantly buying stuff - mostly stuff I don't need.  I get these wild hairs and buy random shit that I still haven't used.  I went to a fabric store and spent over $100 on notions with the intention that I would start making jewlery.  Then I bought several yards of fabric and this GORG purple velvet - I bought it even though I HATE purple but it was on sale so I bought it (silly me) What else... oh...I'm a Pintrest whore now.  I'm on that stupid site from the time I get home from work to the time I go to bed.   Well... either it's Pintrest or Etsy.  I'm a visual person... I see the concept and feel like I can make it.  Rather then following through - I've just bought the stuff and put it bins.  1 day - I guess I'll actually make stuff.  (Silly me...) 

Anyway... anything to keep busy - versus going to buy booze or smoking... I'll do it.   Plus, I chalk it up to - Im spending the money I used to spend on booze and partying...so as far as I'm concerned...it's all good.  (I guess I should start saving money one day... imagine that concept?  Me saving money... never been able to save it...just spend it.)

My calorie intake is strange.  My fitness pal - gives me 1364 calories a day.  I usually NEVER hit that mark.  I've been blending every morning...for lunch it seems like I go to Panda Express everyday - I order the hot & sour soup which is extremely filling!  Only 100 calories for 10.8oz. For dinner - it's usually - a chicken breast from El Pollo Loco.  I still DO NOT COOK.  Ughhh...some things will never change. :-(    Oh - I'm also drinking green tea all of sudden.  I used to HATE tea.  But the minute I found out tea will help detoxify and help with the liver etc - I've been on a all day hot tea obsession.  I drink water - but not nearly as much as should.  There I go rationalizing again.... well, I drink the green tea and it has water.  DAMNIT!   Vitamins - CHECK!  

My baby girl turns 12 in a few days.  We are going to the happiest place on earth - yet again.  I wonder when she'll get sick of going here on her birthday?  HA!  She told me she doesn't want any presents for her birthday.  All she wanted was for Mom AND Dad to take her to Disneyland.  (gurr).  Sighs.  Fine... so she get's what she wants on her birthday.  I sure hope he doesn't pull any BS on her special day.  (Think positive Brandi...think positive). 

 

We'll... that's it... still happy I had RNY in 2009.  Today, feeling good with myself.

 

Luv Luv,
B

Still going strong and sober!  Went to my 3rd AA meeting yesterday...still trying to find another WLS support group that meets more then once a month.  Let see what's new... I bought the Fit Bit Force... I was totally stoked when I brought it home.  I researched for a whole week before buying it (so I thought)...and figured I'd buy-in to the hype.  I wore the band for 3 days and then never picked it back up.  The fact that it counted every movement as a step drove me bonkers.  When I'm driving....sitting at my desk typing, eating..all steps.  For $129.99 this thing should be have more accuracy.  Also, I was pissed off when I used the sleep tracking function...I know I got up to go pee twice, and it never counted those times - nor did it track those steps.  My lil brother asked me if it had a BMR (sp?) or heart rate checking ability... I said no.  He said, well, this is just a really cute pedometer then.  Guuurrrr.  I took it back to Best Buy and got my $141.45 back!!!!!  In my AA meeting, I was told I have too much free time on my hands thus I need to find a hobby or something to do with my time (otherwise, being alone - immersed in my thoughts could be very detrimental).   I decided, I wanted to start making skirts for myself and my daughter.  So now, I'm looking for a nice sewing machine.   Well... nice enough under $141 !!!  

One last thing... on Saturday, I went over to my BFF's house to comfort her through a bad breakup.  Of course when I got there, she was already on bottle # 2.  She also had a fresh pack of cigarettes that were whispering sweet nothings in my ear.  I did great!  Not a sip of wine, not 1 drag on the cancer stick.  NADA!  I'm sooo proud of myself.  I drank my water and ate my trail mix the whole time.  

Today, still fighting back.  Still happy I got RNY in 2009.   

Xoxo,

B

I was so pissed off at walmart....who knew this walmart sold wine. Fuckers had a full end cap of wine for 2 bucks a bottle. I abandoned my shopping cart and got hell out of there. Fuck!! 20 days ago...I woulda bought a whole case or something close. Gurr. Yeah me....resistance! Down 8.1lbs so far...

Swoosh!   It's been a long time since I've a had an extremely productive and self-rewarding day.   3 major victories to pen down.   I mentioned my BFF wanted to spend some time together -OUT, and I declined because I didn't need the temptation.  So she called me and said well, at least come over and we can do girlie stuff like polish our nails and facials etc.   Totally fun evening spent.   I noticed she had some wine in the fridge - thank god is was red is all I could think about.  WATER WATER WATER WATER...all night.  WATER for me!  YEAH!  Saturday morning I got up early, went to the grocery store to buy more veggies for my morning drinks next week.   When I got home, I got ready for my first AA meeting.  I was fucking terrified.  I became nauseated, my mouth was watery and then my heart started beating fast for some reason.  I immediately thought to myself, I should just stay home.  I'm not feeling well.   But I didn't give up.  I got my ass in the car and drove there.  Soon as I parked the car - again, I started to gag.  My eyes are now watery, I'm consumed with fear.  I don't know why I thought about the fact that someone who knows me - might be in the room.  I was terribly distraught.  I finally take a deep breath and walk inside the room.  Everyone... and I do mean everyone, said good morning or acknowledge me in some way.  I felt a tad bit better.  To my utter surprise the format was not like I imagined.  I guess I was envisioning a format like you see on TV.  Hi, my name is xxx and I'm an alcoholic - here's my story.  Nope, this was more about reflections, living with a positive mindset and self forgiveness.  I was asked before hand if I wanted to contribute or if I just wanted to observe since this was my first meeting.  I elected to observe.  However when it was time to forgive, I joined in.  I needed that.  Boy, did I need that.  My heart and mind has been heavy for weeks, and yesterday was the first time in a long time, that I felt some reversal or progress if you will.  

About an hour after that meeting, I also went to a local bariatric group meeting which is sponsored by a WLS clinic.  I didn't realize the support group was only for that clinic's patients or those looking to get the surgery.  It didn't say online that this was not open to the public - so I went anyway.  The guy running the group meeting chose to start the meeting by asking everyone which surgery type they had or were getting, and to give a brief recap of the progress etc.   When it came to me, I said my stats - and he looked at me, like - I don't remember you being a patient.  But he didn't say anything and just moved on to the next person.  He got to a segment where he started to discuss weight gain, and of course I wanted to put my two cents in on how I gained weight etc.... but I kept it to myself.  They had a new person who was interested in getting the surgery - so I elected to stay quite.  I certainly didn't want her to become afraid nor did I want to put anymore light on the fact that I wasn't a patient of this clinic.  

After the meeting, the group leader pulled me to the side asked what my situation was.  So I told him.  He was immediately and genuinely empathic and told me I was welcomed to come to any meetings the group held as long as I wanted to.  He then asked me for my number.  He asked if I would be willing to share my story, perhaps bring in photos, clothes etc for an upcoming special group meeting for post opers only.  I said yes.  I would love to participate.  YEeeaaaaHhhhh!!!

My weekend eating hasn't been as good as I liked but for the record:

Friday

-Breakfast: Isopure protein drink  - 160 cal / 40g protein

-Snack: 5 slices of turkey lunch meat

-Lunch:  10oz of Hot & sour soup, 6oz of grilled terriyaki chicken from Panda Express

-Snack: Almonds.  I didn't count how many.  1 SF pudding

-Dinner: 1 grilled chicken taco.  plan.  just meat and corn tortillia.  I ate half of it and then started to pick out the chicken from the rest of it.

-Snack: Almonds.  I didn't count how many.

-56oz water, all vits taken today and I went to the gym this morning.  26 minutes on treadmil @ 12.0 incline & 3.7 speed. 25 minutes of weights, squats, and leg press.

 

 

Saturday:

​-Breakfast: 1 grilled chicken taco

-Lunch: I made seafood&sausage gumbo w/ Zatarains - but for the life of me I can't figure out how to count the calories on this. Oh well...it's damn good and well deserved.

-Dinner: another bowl of gumbo

-Snack: Trail mix, pistachios, and a small bag of cashews.

-Water: 54oz. I forgot to take my vits and I didn't go to the gym.  

 

Today:

Gym: I walked to the gym, burned 300 calories on treadmill, 40cal on bike and walked back home. 

Breakfast: 40 oz of my version of the mean green drink.  this time I added half a large beet and some ginger and raw cranberries.   YUM

Lunch: more gumbo I'm sure. 

 

Today, I'm still happy I had RNY in 2009.  Trying to get back on track!

 

 

 

 

Another day down!  Woohoo.  Last night I wrote that my BFF wants to take me out this weekend.  I slept on it.  Thought all day about it.  And finally called her tonight to cancel.  I'm not up for going out.  I know me... I'll fuck up my progress and I'll drink.   She was very hurt - clearly she doesn't understands the magnitude of my situation.   She's been my BFF since we were 15 years old.  She knows 99% of my secrets or facts that no one else will ever know about.  But.... to this day, I have kept 1 secret from her.  I never told her I had Gastric Bypass.  I haven't told anyone except for my Mom, Brother and Antie.  Only 3 people know the real way I lost so much weight.  All she knows is that - I've been MIA for months and when we hung out a couple of weeks ago - we had a blast.  She misses me as much as I miss her.  FUCK.  I'm sooo ashamed of myself.   (sigh).  

Anyway - here's the meals for the day: 

Breakfast - handful of kale, spinach, parsley, mint, half a grapefruit, 1 large carrot, half a green apple, splash of lemon juice, apple cider vinegar, and 1 scoop of protein - blended.

Snack - 25 almonds

Lunch - grilled chicken and hot & sour soup from Panda Express.  (the soup was the bomb) - only 100 calories

Snack - 25 almonds, 1 walmart brand peanut butter protein bar

Dinner - 1/3 cup of beans and cheese from Taco Bell.  I blended more veggies and drank that. 

Snack - 1 walmart brand peanut butter protein bar.  (guuurrrss - I sure didn't need thiat. 

Today, still happy I had RNY in 2009.  
 

Still on track!  No cravings for anything at all.  This morning I got up early, threw a bunch of green veggies in the blender, scoop of protein, half a grapefruit, and a few table spoons of apple cider vinegar and squeezed lemon juice - that was breakfast!  Then I made pan fried (no grease or anything) talapia for my lunch.  Packed my lunch box - fish, trail mix, yogurt, sliced turkey lunchmeat and 1 hard boiled egg.  Why the hell did I pack all of that food?  I must have been still full from the juice I blended earlier - by the time lunch came, I heated up my fish - took 3 bites or so, ate the egg and I was STUFFED.  I couldn't eat my perfectly cooked talapia.  I HATE left overs - so I'm sure I'll through it away tomorrow and eat something else. I was mad about the fact that I couldn't eat my fish but then I chuckled to myself and thought..wow... I still have restriction!  I snacked on trailmix for the rest of the day.  BOOOooooo.  After work, I still had energy so I walked to my gym.  It's about a good 15 minute walk.  Of course that place was packed!  10 minutes on the bike.  15 minutes on treadmill @ 12.0.  5 minutes on Eliptical.  5 mins stair climbing. I became distraught after seeing all my rolls and GUT in the mirrors.  .  FUCK - I let myself go.  I digress...I will make this turnaround.   I broke my earbuds so I walked another 10 minutes to Radio Shack after I left the gym.  From there - back home - another 25 min.  

I've been reading DAILY how to detox my liver - thus Apple Cider Vinegar is now featured in my pantry.   There's so many benefits to it.  Additionally, it helps with PH balance of the body.  Win-win situation!  I've cleaned my face with the left over lemon that I squeezed this morning.  This is suppose to cleanse my blemishes away.  Being an alcoholic - or perhaps out of boredom, I began to pick at my face like a fuckin junkie or something - so my face was very blemished.  I've been doing this for a few days now.  My skin looks and feels a lot better.  

Dinner - I couldn't figure out what I wanted to eat.  So I just blended some green veggies and drank that.  Now I'm sipping on warm water with a few drops of ACV.  I swear it's a damn challenge trying to decide what to eat.  Oh - and I'm eating 10 almonds as well.  This woman at the gym told me I should start portioning out my nuts.  Not just pop a few and think I'm not over doing it when in reality - I probably am.  Noted. 

Other stuff:  My BFF called me and said we're going out on Friday.  I told her I didn't want to go - I need a few more weeks of sobriety.  She said, "I won't hear it".  You're getting your ass out of the house.  We'll ask the waiter to pour us Pellegrino in a wine glass instead of wine.   I HEART HER.   I do need to get out of the house more often.  

 

Today, I'm still happy I had GB in 2009.  I have a positive mindset.  I can do this!!!

Thought I'd check in.  Still hanging in there.  Friday's are my usual - "Go to Rite Aide" and stock up for the weekend.  My car was on auto pilot and navigated to a familar place.  Before I could find a place to park - I hi-tailed it outta there and went home.  My mom...never calls me on Friday nights anymore - yet today, she did.  She asked me to dinner.  I was happy to see her... (Sighs) we went to my favorite Greek place...Only my favorite cause they have the best fucking wine in the word. I thought I was going to pass out - from starring at those pretty bottles on the shelf.  I ordered a single piece of grilled chicken breast with a glass of water - and mom ordered her usual - soup and dip/pita.  Of course she fucking orders a Long Island Ice-T.  At first I thought she was trying to be funny or test me.  But then I quickly got that outta my head before I went off on her.  I have to be strong is all I could think of.  I can't expect everyone around me to change their habits.  Additionally, I know she would not purposely try to fuck with me like that.     Before she could get the straw in the glass - it dawns on her that I asked for water.  She then tells me how bad of day she's had and just that fast - had let it slip her mind that I was cutting out all alcohol "because it's becoming a problem" (not that it IS a problem).  Okay - maybe I didn't go into to much details when i told her about my drinking problem - I didn't really give her 100% of the story.  I wasn't going to use tonight to tell her - so I let it go.  Anyway - I miss her.  I miss our Friday night girl dates.  I miss her motherly stares at men when they try to eye fuck me from across the bar.  I miss hanging out with her.  I had to keep the mood lite since I was going home alone.   Anyway - the night was well spent...full of emotions held back.  I soooo wanted to explode and tell her everything.  Maybe tomorrow.  

Today - 

- Breakfast - Spinch/ Kale / Berrys / Apple / Protien - blended 

-Snack - 3 slices of turkey lunch meat

-Lunch - beef and brocolli from (side) from Panda Express

-Snack - trail mix (wayyyyy to much today) plus 3 slices of turkey meat

-Dinner - grilled chicken breast

- Water - 45oz.  Need to drink more water tonight.

-No gym (booooo)

 

-Still happy I had RNY in 2009.  One day at a time. 

I think Lora hit the nail on the head. 

 

 

 

cicerogirl
on 1/1/14 5:41 pm - OH RNY on 08/27/07 with Rita Anderson

It is common for people who were experiencing some level of depression before their WLS to get a reprieve from it for about 2 years after surgery and then find that it returns to pre-op levels (or is even worse) after that, so if you fall into this category this might be what is happening.

Some people experience depression as a result of unmet expectations about how their lives would be different after they got the weight off, or expectations that certain problems (which they erroneously attributed to their weight) would go away after they lost the weight (and then they discover that the problems are still there because they weren't a result f the weight after all).

If you have been on any kind of mental health meds (or some other meds, such as thyroid hormone), they may not be absorbing adequately and require a dosage adjustment.  Some medical conditions (e.g., hypothyroidism) can cause a very vague sense of unhappiness or depression. If your hormone levels are off, that can cause depression as well.

I would definitely suggest that you get in to see your PCP and talk to him about what you are experiencing and get some of the potential medical issues ruled out. I would also seek out a counselor to help you understand what it is that you are feeling because, even if the is a medical condition contributing it, there is probably also a psychological/emotional component as well.

 

Lora

 6 years out... maintaining 190 pounds lost!
******************************************************

 

Almost a full week and no wine!  Yeah me!   I went to the gym tonight - burned 458 calories.  I've been keeping track of everything I eat for the last week on MY FITNESS PAL - it's a really groovy app where today - it told me - I need to eat more since I burned calories at the gym.  Highly recommended.  I actually feel better.   I can't say that I've even craved wine as of right now.  I did have a head ache for 2 days straight for which I'm sure it's part of the withdrawal process.  This morning I blended kale, spinch, green apple, berries and a scoop of protien.  I had 2 hard boiled eggs, 1 chicken breast from El Pollo Loco (my staple when I was really losing weight in the beginning), trail mix, 1 SF pudding... I've gotten in 64oz of water and I've taken all my vitamins.

 I made some calls to those close to me...laid it all out on the table (to a degree).  While humiliating to tell... I was supported by all.  RELIEF. My mother of course had to put her two cents in - but I know its from a good place.  

Also - I'm now able to sleep through the night.  I really believe that why I was drinking so heavily because I couldn't sleep... well...one of the reasons anyway. 

I've gotten so many private messages full of supporters... I am greatful.  GREATFUL greatFUL!   On Saturday, I'm going to my first support group in a couple of years.  It's not my regular one though...but GB folks non-the-less.  

That's all... will keep checking-in.

Today, still happy I had RNY in 2009.  Now, I'm trying to regroup and achieve success just as I did 3 years ago. 

 

This is a personal post.  I'm clearly talking to myself.  

Here it is... the last day of 2013.  I'm a ALCOHOLIC!  This has been the most challenging year ever for me.   I was seconds away from purchasing Weight Watchers online - then I thought... for what?  Bitch - you are not fat from over eating.  You are fat because you guzzle 1.5L of wine everyday.  Drink 1.5L of water and then see how you feel!  In an instant - I log on to OH.  Wow!  What changes the site has gone through.  I was going to search for topics on transfer additions but then felt the need to share my story.  I must say - I feel better by doing so.  I never contribute to the public forums.  Only to my surgi/year forum.  i feel like some weight has been lifted - just by contributing a post that was not a "GLOAT" post but a "REAL LIFE" post.  My intentions where to warn newbies about the cold reality of drinking after this surgery not realizing my post could make someone think twice tonight - since it's a tradition to drink when ringing in the New Year.  

It's the most fucked up situation.   The more research I do the more about alcohol the more I'm blown away and feel that I can overcome this.  Yeah - you'll see in my blog post prior - that I gave up wine for about a month.  I never fabricate on this blog.  That would be lying to myself.  I can do this!  Slow and steady wins the race!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My thoughts:

• Damnit - why did I do this to myself?
• You gotta keep busy!  You shut everybody out of your life just to drown in your self pitty.  NOW - you don't have anyone to help you through this.  Pick up the phone.  Call him.  Call her.  Call them.  Don't be ashamed.   
• Get your ass up and go to the gym.  Don't snooze the alarm.  
• Save $80 per week now that you are NOT buying wine everyday. 
• Take a photo.  You haven't been in a photo in many months.  Post it.  Be accountable Brandi
• STAY ACTIVE on OH.  This is your support group.  You need everyone.  I NEED EVERYONE.  I NEED EVERYONE.
• READ THIS BLOG EVERYDAY!  Keep watching Youtube updates from DivaT and Massagegoddess.  Watch Carrnie on Oprah.  Don't be sadden.  FIGHT BACK
• Why the hell do I like the taste of wine?  I don't even get buzzed like I should.  WTF?  Try a different SF/Non-alcholic wine if its the taste your crave.   They can't all be over sweetened.
• Need to regroup.  Get back to the basics.   WATER WATER WATER. 
• In 1 year - you gained close to 40lbs.  WTF?
• I gained weight and NOT from eating food.  I feel so gypped right now.  I could have been eating churros and pizza and achieved the same results.   
• FIGHT BACK FOR YOUR LIFE.  FIGHT BACK.
• Be greatful...you have not gotten a DUI.  Learn from Cheryl.  1 glass of wine for a GB girl is a DUI no matter what.  (WHY DID'NT You think of this before?) GET SMARTER. DON"T DRINK AND DRIVE.  You could kill someone.  You could kill yourself.  
• Check on your liver.  Don't be embarassed to see the Dr.  He's seen others gain weight after this surgery too.  Don't worry about him.  Worry about yourself. 

​

Here's the post from today:

Here's the scoop - I had GB in 2009.  I was 289lbs.  7 months later I was 175lbs.  I looked fucking amazing!  I remember being addicted to OH and reading profiles EVERYDAY because I wanted the insight those who had the procedure done.  I remember vividly reading a post in this forum from a woman who warned us NOT to drink after this surgery.  It's not worth it.  She said - it's empty calories and it only leads to a non-rewarding end.  She too - shared her story.  So here's mine.  DON"T IGNORE IT!!!!  

 Of course I was like... I am not going to do anything to go back to "fat girl land".  I wasn't a drinker pre-op so I figured - that was something I didn't have to worry about.  WRONG! WRONG WRONG!

Fast forward to late 2012.  I began going out regularly.  OF course.  When you think your HOT shit... you prance around like you're above pitfalls.  WRONG.  I noticed I was drinking a regular bottle of wine on the weekends.  Then every other day.  Then I got cheap and decided to start buying the 1.5L bottles of wine.  Low and behold - I was drinking a bottle EVERYDAY.  I was setting my alarm to get up 2 hours before work - just to drink wine.  I'd stay up till about 12 or 1am drinking wine.  I completely stopped drinking water at home. 

Anyway - needless to say - I'm a total drunk.  I started to rationalize my calorie intake.  (LAME).   I would eat a lite lunch and no dinner - just so I could drink the wine/calories.  That's 1200 calories per bottle.  I won't lie - sometime's I'd drink 2 bottles.  I became embarrassed when I figured out the store clerks knew which bottles of wine I was drinking.  This one clerk said to me - sorry... we don't have any more of that Pinot you like as soon as I walked in the store.  That made me get "hip".  I wouldn't frequent the same stores anymore.  I'd drive out of my way to go to another store just so I wasn't recognized as the chick who comes in here everyday to buy wine.   (Total alcoholic move!)

This year I became preggers...lost the baby and of course that sent me into a deeper depression.  I'd come home - sit in the same spot on the sofa - drink my life away.  What's interesting is - the word "drunk".  People say GB patients get buzzed faster.  I don't believe that applies to me.  I truly believe I loved the taste of wine - cause I can't say - I was drunk or buzzed in the "traditional" since.   But an alcoholic - YES!  I was day dreaming about wine.  Finding deals and mapping a plan.  (NOT for food...for wine)

Oh yeah... I'm back up to 249lbs!  YES - that's an exclamation mark.   How dare I fight my insurance company for months just to get the damn procedure only to later fuck it all up!  How dare I think I'm above those who have gone through the same thing as me and think my results will differ!  How dare I!!!!!!!!!

I'm a straight forward person.  If you are new to OH...take everyone situation as "it could happen to me".   Chances are it won't be an exact match...but you better believe we all have shared some commonalities in the postop/maintance. 

Once you get to your goal or damn near close - DON"T leave your support group.  I did.  I stopped going to my support groups and I stopped coming on OH.

Tonight is New Year's eve.  I had every intention to go out tonight - but... I'm not deserving of a good time.  I'm staying home.  This has been the year of sadness, depression and now I recogonize myself as a Alcoholic.  Opps - a FAT ALCOHOLIC!

I'm only 5 days into my decision / motivation / to fight back.  No booze for a whole week.  I've been to the gym 4 days in the last week.  Ha - I had been paying for a gym pass for 4 years and only went 7 times in 2013.  (Dumbass).

 

My profile is not public - BUT if you want to read my profile ( I was very active for a few years) - go ahead and request me. 

My purpose in writing this post - was to REMIND everyone...it's not worth it.  Trust me.  It's not.  

Have a safe and wonderful New Year!