2mch4em
Long time no see....
Mar 27, 2011
Hey ya'll. It's been a while. From what I've noticed...after the surgery, you become so engrossed in your "new life" that you forget or don't have time to come back to OH. I need to come back here more often for motivation and as a reminder of where I was before so that I won't end up there again. Let's see, what's been going on with me....well since October...we've finally moved into our own place and that happened in December 2010 and by the way, we found out that we were pregnant in October....on the 28th to be exact.mOur 4th wedding anniversary. Right now I am currently 6mths and almost 2wks pregnant with a little boy. I don't know how I really feel about this pregnancy to be honest with you. I've only gained 1pound so far and I've been eating, TRUST ME. I'm still not able to eat alot and I THANK GOD FOR THAT!I started out weighing 183 at my initial prenatal check up. Now I weigh 177. I was weighing 176 the month b4 last. So I'll take it. The baby is growing fine. My 2year old does not have a clue as to what is going on. I've been teaching him the word baby to prepare him for the birth of his lil brother. I haven't shopped much at all. I guess I'm not that enthusiastic because of the current relationship state of my husband and I. I want a divorce. You see...lemme start from the beginning. At my lovely weight of 2hunned and sumthin pounds....I married the man that I thought I was supposed to marry. He is disabled, he has cerebral palsy and walks with crutches. No other disabilities...(except mental sometimes....~upward eyeroll...but I digress~) I know with every fiber in me that I settled into this marriage because of low self esteem. He couldn't drive, only had eyes for me and didn't really deal with any other chicks....(don't get me wrong, during our dating phase....I had to put a few in check...) but now I'm at this point where there are certain things that I've been putting up with for too long. Things that I chose to ignore, overlook, and just say "oh well" about. Since having the surgery almost 2 years ago...(OMG!) I am no longer able to tolerate those things. Some of these issues I did not know about until after we got married and now I feel like I'm trapped.
My husband is lazy (they enabled him his entire life) he is not romantic, cheap, doesn't have any other goals in life, does not aspire to do anything else productive. Case in point....I'm 6mths pregnant. He was just laid off from his job of 5 years on the 16th of this month, this guy is actually tryna sit out of work and collect unemployment for a while and just chill. He tells me everyday that he is looking for a job. I am like WTH??? In my mind I imagined him (or fantasized....) about him being in such an uproar bout how he wasn't going to be sitting around because he had a new baby coming and his wife is currently unemployed that he just will not sit around and be without...he has a FAMILY to provide for and etc....~blankstare..~ yeah...my life. So I'm just waiting. There are other things that I'm DYING to share, but I am afraid that I will be embarassed... My family tried to tell me not to marry him and that it was only going to get worse and they are right. I've did the take it to Jesus thing and I am starting to wonder does the Lord really want his children to stay together forever and be unhappy?? We've been together a total of 16 years and married for 4 out of those years. I try not to envy my friends and their marriages and how their husband treat them. Oh yeah the treatment I've been receiving with this pregnancy is nothing for me to brag about.
This is my 2nd "First Pregnancy." My 2 year old son is adopted and we miscarried on 3/21/10 at 10 weeks with our first pregnancy. I thought I was going to get the " No baby, I do that for ya" or the "don't move I'll get it" NONE OF THAT....it's more like...."Hey you in the kitchen? What about fixin me some...or can you get me or what bout getting US some etc..." But when I ask him to do something for me...he won't move right away....in fact sometimes he won't move at all and I"ll end up doing it myself with him yelling in the background to "bring me some too..." UGH...I"m so frustrated right now and at a loss. I've been so worried about what people will say and think about me. I've been worried about God and my place in heaven and if I were to divorce and get married if I would be considered committing adultery ~per the Bible...~ I just don't believe that God wants us to be in an unhappy marriage. It takes two, you have to work together and etc and I feel that I've more than done that...it's not being reciprocrated. I've expressed my feelings to him on more than one occasion and cried and yelled and screamed and nothing has worked. It has went in one ear and out of the other. I've been praying and asking God to deliver me and etc...I don't know ya'll. I'll take all of the advice I can get. ~WHEW~ Yeah, it's been a long time and I've missed ya'll and it feels good to vent. I will be posting pictures soon!
2mch4em
3 Comments
About Me
Hollysprings, NC
Location
27.3
BMI
Surgery
05/27/2009
Surgery Date
Jan 15, 2009
Member Since
