SEPT 20 2005
Well, I am counting down the days till surgery. I have 21 days left to get in the best shape I can be in before surgery. I have been trying to exercise like my doctor wants, but I have not been very successful at it. My hips and lower back end up hurting for several days after working out, even laying in the bed hurts. I am determined to do anything I can, to do what the doctor says. So, yesterday I forced my self to get my 320 pounds into a bathing suite and go to water aerobics. It felt great moving around and sweating without having to support my body weight. I did pull something in my neck and so now that hurts, but I am trying to work it as loose as I can so I can go back to the YMCA and do it all over again I will just watch my neck tonight. I still felt humiliated always being the biggest one there but I had the voice in my head that kept reminding me the reason I was doing this was to have surgery and to get my life back.
Sept 1 2005 was when I found out that I had a surgery date of October 11. The nurse called to tell me and also give me instructions.
1 no more carbs (pasta, bread, potatoes, rice, ect. sweats)
2 to eat protein first the veggies and then fruit.
3 take small bites and chew everything till its liquid
4 exercise 3 times a week for 30 minutes at least.
well the easiest thing for me has been to give up the carbs. Remembering to chew chew chew is hard I find myself half or all done with my meal before I remember I was suppose to chew good. I am still working on that. I have tried working out but have come to the conclusion that I am going to have to do it in the water. I am going to try and do it 4 or more times a week until surgery. Maybe I will loose enough between now and the first week of surgery that walking will not be unbearable.
I SEE HOPE AND A FUTURE. LIFE IS GREAT!!
Sept. 22 2005
today I am just tired. I am soo ready to start this journey. I have been doing everything I can think of to prepare for this phase in my life. I stopped smoking over a year ago six months ago I gave up diet cokes, ( that is all I drank from morning till night) I am no longer taking any anti inflammatory and I am coping with the daily pain. I am trying protein drinks trying to find the ones that I can stand. I have given up carbs and am drinking tons of water. I have even started to exercise to be in the best shape for surgery. Everyday I keep trying to think of things to get ready and do before the big day. Oct 11, 2005. I feel like I should be doing more but I do not know what to do.
Sept. 23, 2005
I figured out how to get a ticker tape on the screen. I met a wonderful woman once who had the cutest turtle stuffed animal that had tennis shoes on. She had a wonderful and sad story to go with the turtle. The lesson in her story was, it does not matter how fast you get there but to just keep moving forward in life, that life is not a race, just keep moving forward. I have been collecting turtles everywhere I go.
Ok took the day off and did not do much of anything but lay around and read my book yesterday, I just was not feeling hot. So I am back to the yucca today to get my 4th water aerobics class in for the week. I feel really good about that and wonder how long after surgery before I can get back in the water. Hmmmmmmmmm a good question to as the doctors office.
18 DAYS TILL SURGERY
Sept. 24, 2005
Today I was kind of starting to get nervous about surgery; I keep thinking about all the people around me, especially my mom, and think "oh my god what if something happens to me how is she going to deal with it". I can not imagine creating pain in their lives. I have sat down with my mom and told her that this is something that I have to do and if something happens to me that I still think it was the right choice. I have to try for a better life. I know the people around me now see that my quality is not very good, and they are all supportive of my choice.
Sept 25, 2005
I am excited; I am going to meet Carrie tomorrow for lunch. She is one that has gone before me in this journey I have decided to take. She also used Dr Champion. I am going to work on a list of questions to ask her.
I am doing well with staying away from carbs. Wish I could loose some more weight before I have surgery I have lost about 10 pounds sense I saw the doctor. I have two more weeks hope to drop another 5 or so pounds. I thought if I stayed away from all carbs the pounds would just melt off. Oh well I will keep away from the carbs and keep on the water aerobics and see where that get me. All I can do is my best.
Sept. 27 2005 @ 3:00 am
Yuck I hate night like this. I think I over did it at water aerobics I did two classes back to back. I tried to take it easy and not push myself. It just felt so goooood being in the water and being able to move. Well now my hips\ lower back hurt and when I am in the bed I have a hard time rolling over. The pain gets so bad I get stuck when I roll over. Then when I go from a sitting position to a standing position, wow that is pain filled. This sounds so pathetic but I know there are others who understand. I am ready for surgery and ready to get some of this fat off my backside. I think that will help with some of the pain. I hope I can remember night like this so when I question why I did this I will remember how much pain I have endured.
I also have a friend who I was suppose to stay with after surgery instead of coming home to an empty house. I do not know if she will still have a house or will be living with her parents, I will just have to wait and see. I am going to try and not worry about it until I know more. I am meeting Carrie today for lunch. Yahoooo I am excited to meet her, I was amazed how welcoming she made me feel. I am the type of person that does not want to put anyone out.
well I will try and write more when the sun comes up. I am off to bed with my ice pack for my hip\back.
Sept 29 2005
Only 12 more days till I go to the loosing side. Yahooooo, I am so excited. The only fear I really have right now is having to sleep on my back. When I do this my back and hips become extremely painful and it is hard to get around in bed and sit up. Thinking about going to a chiropractor before surgery to see if he can relieve some of my pain before hand. I have always been afraid to let someone touch me because it hurts so much. I am doing good, still doing my water aerobics 4 times a week at least and not eating carbs. I need to start really watching how much fat I am eating to try and get some more weight off it has seemed to stop coming off. I am still eating a lot though so I think I can pick it back up.
Well I went to the chiropractor at 3:15 today hope it helps my back, the doc seemed very confident about it. We shall see. It can not get much worse or I sure hope it can't. I go see him twice next week and then I will be of to wls. Hope this makes moving easier on the other side.
I also weighed at his office I am down to 309.75 less that two months ago I weighed 328 at the doctors’ office. yahooooo.
Sept 30 2005
Wow this month is almost over. I leave a week from Sunday to head to Atlanta for surgery on Tuesday. Yahoooo. I know it is not going to be easy and I am going to have to deal with the fact I can not mindlessly put anything in my mouth just because it is there. I will have to work on mindfulness.
I went out and bought me some new china (well that’s what I am calling it) they are the cutest little dishes that I think will be perfect for serving size control. At least I can have a whole bowl full of something even though the bowl only holds maybe 1\2 cup tops. I want eating to still be fun.
Last night I felt great and had very little pain in the hips. I am in love with the chiropractor. I am amazed how much better I feel. Today I am sorer but still feel better than I did. I am going to do the ice thing on my back and hips and give the body a chance to recover some and I will go to water aerobics tomorrow morning no matter what. I am sore but I know it will feel good getting in the water and I will just try and take it easy.
Everyone on the boards has been so supportive they are great cheer leaders.
October 3 2005
It's hard to believe October is finally here. In one week, just seven days from now my surgery will be over and I will be in a hospital room starting my new life, where food does not control me. I can begin the process of getting free of all the fat that has trapped me and held me back from doing all the things I see others doing around me. I will really be living my life.
October 8 2005
Well its almost here, my big day. I am packing and trying to get organized. We leave tomorrow for Atlanta then Monday I do the pre op stuff and get ready for surgery on Tuesday. Wow it looks like it may really happen. I just pray everything goes smoothly and there is no reason that I can not have surgery. That is my worst fear right now. I feel like I have done all I can to get ready for this day so I leave it now in Gods hands.
October 11, 2005 My new begining
October 14, 2005
Today is the first day I wanted to write after surgery, so here it goes. My Hospital Experience: before and after
We left savannah Sunday morning and headed to Atlanta. We checked into the Marriott Residence Inn, not to far away from Emory Dunwoody Medical Center. We went out and had some great tye food that night.
Day before surgery weighed in at 318 ten pounds down in a month
The next morning at 630 we went to the hotels buffet breakfast where I had sausage and eggs. yummy. I am on a protein diet so it worked out great. At 700am I had to stop eating and drinking. We drove to Dr. Champion’s office; we were their early before the doors were even open. I was warned he saw people in the order they came in so I wanted to make it as short as day as possible for me. We watched and educational movie and then someone talked to all of us who were having surgery the next two days about what to expect and what we are expected to do after surgery. We also did a PHLORI test. We were then individually called back to take care of monies, get weighed, and have a bone density test and then we saw Dr Champion. When we got out of his office we were off to the hospital to do more tests. Had an ekg and a chest x-ray, they also took some blood and asked a bunch of questions. The nurse who did the intake was super nice. Then I was done for the day around 12. We went out to lunch; my mom and I split a steak and salad. We then found a wonderful ice cream store and got a cone. It was my goodbye to ice cream. I did not over do it on the food I ate very small servings. That night I had blenderized soup and water as instructed by my doc. The hotel room was great and had a full kitchen. After midnight I could not have anything by mouth.
Tuesday morning my Dad and I went to the hospital. We got there about 7 am. I changed into a gown and got into bed. They gave me a couple of pills and some nasty stuff to drink. I don’t know what I took and I did not really care, I just wanted it to be over. About an hour later they came and got me and took me down to the holding area and my dad left to go back to the hotel to get my mom.
Dr. Champion came into see me, asked if I was ready and I said you bet. The anesthesiologist came in to talk to me and ask me a bunch of questions and then she put something into my IV. The Next thing I remember is waking up in the recovery room. My teeth were chattering and I just looked at the nurse and said “I’m cold” I got a nice warm blanket and watched what was going on around me. I don’t think I went back to sleep. I was taken to my room. I felt so good, I felt like I was on a float on a parade and I waved to everyone on the way to my room. My surgery was at 915 and I was back into my room by noon. I was up and walking around 2. I took the pain shots every three hours and walked a lot. I felt bad for the nurses because all I heard before surgery was to walk walk walk, that was the only way to break up all the gas they filled you up with during surgery, so I walked about every 2 hours. I could not walk alone that first day and night so the nurses had to walk with me a lot. I had a lot of pain in my upper back and it would feel so much better when I was up out of bed and walking. The next morning I was aloud to walk on my own so I was free to go. I would watch for others to walk by my room and then I would go walk with them.
When Dr Champion was looking at my insides he found some enlarged lymph nodes that he removed and had a biopsy done on them. Everything came out fine he said I probable had an infection and that is the reason they were enlarged.
The morning after surgery I had the x-ray to check for leaks. I had to drink and swallow this contrast dye that tasted like dirty dish soap water, yuck. I had no leaks so that went great. My tummy still had not made any noises and the gas pressure was still really bad. I was also put on percocet instead of the shots. The shots were so much better because at least I could sleep for a little bit with the shots. My insides slowly began to make noises later in the day. I was told the contrast dye could cause diarrhea so be prepared. My insides were making noises and the gas was moving but not coming out to relieve the pressure. I was feeling miserable (the worst I had felt so far) and I was so scared of not being close to a bathroom when I finally needed one, so I stayed close to my room that evening. After a miserable night at 4 the next morning I had my first bout of diarrhea, the next three hours were spent mostly in the bathroom. I finally got some relief after that from all the built up pressure inside me.
Dr. Champion came into my room that morning about 7 am and took out the drain tube. OUCH!!! That was so uncomfortable. I wish I could describe it. I was told it felt like there was an alien coming out of you and that is pretty good description. He gave me some prescriptions and some instructions and told me to get out of their. I called my parents at the hotel and woke them up and told them to come and get me.
What I ate in the Hospital
Day of surgery- ice chips started about 30 minutes after I got back to the room.
Also had the iv in and a total of three bags of antibiotics
Day 2- contrast die, the iv came out,
Breakfast 1\4 oz sf Jell-O – 1 oz of crystal light- 2 oz water-
Lunch 3\4 sf Popsicle
Dinner 1\2 oz sf Jell-O – 1 oz crystal light – 2 oz water
Day 3 went to the hotel and made a
1\2 oz sf Jell-O
About 20 oz water
October 20 2005
Today is the first day that has really sucked; I think I am getting a cold. My pouch is sooo full, the idea of eating or drinking makes me nauseous. I am working on just water for now. Temp is 100 my normal temp runs about 97.6. My stomach feels yucky then gas or something moves around and then I have a bout of diarrhea. At least I get some relief from the stomach yucks temporally till it all builds again.
October 21 2005
called Dr Champions office and was told I can take Imodium and Tylenol cold as needed. but is not better by Monday to call back.
October 22 2005
Well I have started back to water arobics and that has helped my mood alot. I am also trying not to isolate too much. Its hard being out and about and still keep track of all the meds and get in all my meals. It is so easy for me to loose track of time.
October 24 2005
Life is great. I do find myself thinking of food and longing for it. When I look at the candy at the check out and realize that I may never be able to have another bite for the rest of my life it seems a little overwhelming. I try and remind myself about all the living I am going to do and I can not do it with the body I have now.
One thing I have notices that I no longer have anxiety walking into a new places and seeing people watching me. Inside I feel so good about myself and what I have done for myself it no longer matters as much what other people think. I feel proud and confident going into this journey. Just think in four more days I will be 36 years old and I am ready to make the next years of my life packed full of living my life to the fullest.
October 28 2005
It’s my birthday I am 36 years old today and I feel great about my future. So many years have just come and gone with no forward motion. I have been stuck so long. This surgery has given me hope for a fun and exciting future. My friend Nicole (the friend I have been staying with) surprised me with a teddy bear that sang happy birthday and had a cake on its head that lit up. It made me feel so good.
October 29 2005
Well I made it through my birthday without anything special to eat and it was really ok. I am still in the first six weeks of healing from surgery and have to be careful what I eat.
I am really tired a lot but I have not been taking my provigil. I think I may take 1\2 tomorrow and see if that helps. I need to feel more awake and alive. I know I need to get moving. I see champion this coming week and have decided anything over 10 pounds I will be happy with. I can not allow myself to get in a race with others. It’s not a competition it is my life.
I am very very ready to get moving in the water again. I feel like dead weight right now.
still the 29
I think I ate too much tuna today. Well anyway I still feel full but I get this bloated feeling (uncomfortable). I get warm 99.4 temp and just lie around and then finally have an episode of diarrhea (explosive). Then temp goes back down, this is like the 3 time this has happened so I thought I would write it down. I am 18 days out of surgery.
October 30 2005
still feeling not up to par. stomach still making lots of noise. Hope all goes well tonight.
was really sluggish this morning. Slept a lot and watched a movie. I am now sitting at a meeting for a friend’s kid. Then we are going to trunk or treat and some church for the children. I hope I can hold up through the night. we will get some grub on the way to the church.
had fun with dinner we went to Ryan’s and I got it by the pound so I got 2 oz of baked fish. my dinner was only 80 cents. it was great and I ate really slowly. I had half in the restaurant and half later the second half I don’t think I ate slowly enough but it was just a little uncomfortable.
October 31 2005
Halloween- not one piece, one lick of one piece passed these lips. I was surprised how much I did not want any of it. It is so hard to get in everything I am supposing to. I look at things and think of them in my pouch and I cringe at how it would feel. hope that stays with me for awhile.
taking a little nap with my bird
November 3 2005
Went in for my check up 23 days after surgery and I am down 24 pounds current weight it 295. It sure feels good to be less than 300 pounds. My blood pressure was low 80\60 he took me off the altace so we shall see how the kidneys do.
November 4 2005
Went back to water aerobics today it sure felt good to be in the water again and everyone is so nice.
November 10, 2005
Well I have been light headed and dizzy alot recently and started taking my blood presure daily. Found out it is still low. Went to my pcp and she thinks it is dehydration. I have decided to drink 3 cups of decaf tea a day to increase water intake. I have been having a real hard time with getting enough fluids in. Hope this will help. The doc scales said I was at 293 so that is only 2 pounds in a week but that is ok because it was on a different scale than a usually weigh on. I would like to be in the 280s though.
Last night I made some yummy tuna salad that I had with wheat thins and I know I ate that one bit too many, I felt my pouch ( i think it was the pouch) pulsate. I pray I do not do that again. So far no dumping or anything I can not deal with.
November 17 2005
Its been awhile sense I wrote anything so here is an update. Have not lost much the last two weeks but I am not upset about it, I know it is a stage and it too shall pass. I also realize that thee memory is not so hot right now so I need to start writing down what goes in the mouth. I hate doing that but I think it will help. I think I am not getting enough in. So back to my journaling. Went to the local support group my doc has here and everyone was great. It feels good to be around others that know exactly what I am feeling and going through.
Christmas 2005 was spent in Memphis at my cousin Brandons house with a bunch of family. It was so good to see everyone. I had no pressure to eat anything and only had one problem with some turkey the day after Christmas.
New years eve 2005
January 3, 2006
Wow time really seems to fly right by. I have lost 53 pounds sense surgery (12 weeks ago) . I have been really bad with my activity level. I am having problems with my foot but I have an appointment with the foot doc on the 10th so I am hoping I can get some relief from the pain when I walk on it.
I am eating alot of cheese and a few nuts. I eat meat at least once a day but do not really enjoy it to much because it feels very heavy in my pouch. I have not been really doing low fat and watching that aspect of it but I know I will need to start that sooner than later. Right now I am just eating anything that does not make me feel miserable.
I am still thrilled about my decision to have surgery and I have not regrets. I have a wonderful furture to look forward to. Life is good right now and I am going to enjoy it for once in my life.
January 20 2006
This last week has been a hard one for me. I always new food was my drug of choice sense I was born. Food really helped me cope in life and was truly the only friend that I knew would always be there. Now that is gone I see myself exploding about things that should not really matter. I have also experienced great waves of sadness several times and I do not know what to do with them. I just get away from everyone and cry and think this is so stupid to be sad I have a great future ahead of me. I think of all the wonderfull things I want to do when I am not limited by my weight and I can move.
My food is going ok I am trying to eat the meats that stay with you longer the only problem is that they stay too long so I seem to always feel full. Getting my fourth meal in seems to be getting harder and harder.
Febuary 4 2006
Well today has been a sad day my moms best friend finally lost her battle with cancer today.
I noticed today i went about 9 hours without eating, the time just went by. I know when things and emotions are out of sorts I have to be diligent about getting my food in.
March 14, 2006
Wow time seems to just be flying by I am down 80 pounds and just can not believe it. I joined curves and love it. I am going to try and go as many days a week as I can. I think that will help the weight even come off faster. I have good days and bad days with my food but I really work hard to get as much protien as possible.
This was the best choice I have ever made for myself.
March 15, 2006
Made a hair appointment for monday. Hair sure is falling out fast but that is to be expected. I am greatful that I have such thick hair.
March 30, 2006
I went to the circus with my best friend last weekend it was so much fun. I feel confident and happy for the first time that I can remember.
Time sure has gone by fast. I am almost at the six month mark and I am getting ready to head to the doc to get do the six month check up. I am happy.
May 10, 2006
wow i am down 101.5 pounds from my surgery day. i am happy but I wish I could see what everyone sees. I know I have lost alot of weight because the skin is hanging on the thighs. I still have a good 60 pounds to loose. I hope that all comes off in the tummy butt hips and thighs. I do not think i could stand to loose anymore in the chest.
I have not regrets and know this was the best thing that I have ever done in my life. I now have a life
October 12 2006
Wow its been a year. My life is totally different and all for the good. I have so much energy. I want to live life to the fullest. I finally feel like a usefull member of society. A participant in life.
I have lost 144 pounds this year and sometimes do not reconize myself in the mirror. I love what I see for the first time. I still want to loose more and I go to the doctor for my checkup monday and will ask him how much more I should loose. I wear a 16 now and would like to wear a 10 or a 12 just because i like the number and think i would look good there. but i will just have to waite and see how it goes and what the doctor thinks.