Karen Renee
"unmeshing from my daughter"
Jun 16, 2007
Wow, my first blog. This "blogging" is new to me but here goes. I've seen my daughter go through so much throughout her life and I have always been there and have felt that we were one person. That mesh we have is very dangerous, it is sucking me into her life and in return it sucks her into my life. I am beginning to "unmesh" myself from my daughter who is 18 and love her for herself and to begin to love me. The first thing I have noticed since "unmeshing" is that my eating is out of control. I know in my mind it is because I no longer feel in control, I'm frightened, because for so long our lives have been miserable and we have run on fear and drama from so many of her problems and her father and my problems. So has we "unmesh" it seems unnatural, like I'm breaking out of another womb, scared, alone, empty and floating. Now I know why I've been off my eating schedule, I think because I don't want to be conscience of anything, I'll eat anything. If I become conscience of anything in my life I have to accept that I am "unmeshing" from my daughter and I feel like part of me will be removed. Because of her problems we have been too close for comfort for both of us. Why I don't think I've ever been this honest in public. I wonder if I keep myself away from this board because it makes me stay in that suspended animation of life...when I return to the board I realize, Everyone has problems, stresses, disasters and fears...when I see that I must then face my own with my head held high and be conscience of my food program and begin to care for my pouch and my life again. But I'm always waiting for the drama to begin and life to throw me another curve ball.
