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Well I had hoped it wouldn't happen....but last week I had my first gallbladder attack, and I am very ready for my surgery 10/10/13! It us a pain I would never wish on anyone! So, here we go!

Well actually it is tomorrow, but I have time to write today, so here it is!

Let me start by saying the DS is by far the best decision I have ever made for myself.  I LOVE the way I look and feel.  I have 5 pounds to go until I am at my goal of 120, and it is within reach, and feels totally achievable!  In the last month I have gone from a size 8 to a 4 (basically just skipped the 6 all together).  I had some bloodwork done and it all looks great.  I feel GREAT.  I have lost a lot of muscle, but am okay with that for the time being.  The loose skin isn't too bad, and have been doing some body wraps that have helped.  Overall I have nothing but great things to say about the whole experience.  Honestly at times it just seems too easy, I just hope that doesn't change.  Anyway, thank you for all those of you who have been so supportive!

So, my husband had no idea what he was doing, but tonight he helped me reach a goal.  We were taking the kids to bed when he grabbed a hold of me and carried me down the hall.  I was so totally excited.  I hadn't told him that this is one of the goals that I had listed on my profile.  I am sure at 133 pounds that it was still a haul to carry me so far, but he did it...the whole way, and didn't even seem out of breath when he got done.  This may seem like a minor thing to some of you out there, but it really made my night!

I can't believe how much I have changed physically in the past 2 months.  43 Pounds is more than I ever imagined to lose so quickly.  I can feel bones in my body that I haven't felt in years.  I got to buy a pair of jeans that are a size 8, and two jackets are a size small! I am a little over half way to my goal, and am beginning to think I may actually make it...but hate to get my hopes up.  Eating is getting easier, but more than anything I have quit worrying so much about it.  I have found things that I can eat, and if I need more protein, I drink a shake or two.  I cook normal, healthy meals for my family, and enjoy having family dinners....I just don't eat much! Things have just gotten easier, and yet I am still losing.  I can't help but fear the scale every week.  I just know that I am going to have gained weight over the last week...but I step on, and it has gone down again.  For some reason I am not obsessed with weighing every day like I used to be. If I only lose 1/2 a pound one week, then next week I will lose 4, and so I continue to average 2 lbs a week.  The great thing is that if I continue this trend, I will be below my goal weigh by my 35th birthday on June 9th...I can't imagine being 120 lbs during the summer, and being able to buy a normal swimming suit!!!!! So, here is hoping!

Okay, so before my surgery my husband and I were talking about how much we thought I would lose, and how quickly.  Since I am a "lightweight" in the WLS world (there and only there!) I figured my loss would be really slow.  So, trying to not set myself up for disappointment, I set my one month goal at 10 pounds.  Well....that was blown out of the water!  I am so excited!  I had stalled a little bit over the last week, and had been sitting at 28 pounds...and I know it sounds stingy, but I was so close to 30 pounds...and I wanted it BAD!!!

So, you can just imagine how ecstatic I was when I weighed this morning and was sitting at 30 pounds on the dot!  I have also lost a total of 19.25 inches in those areas I had measured!  So, even though this has been one heck of a tough month...I am super excited about my progress!

I can't believe it has only been 3 weeks....it seems like forever.  This has been an experience for the books! I have lost 26 pounds in 3 weeks, which is just unbelievable. I feel pretty decent, but not great, and certainly not normal.  Still some pain in my abdomen, and I really still have problems eating.  Just trying to get in my fluids is a challenge since nothing tastes good or right, and lots of drinks really hurt my stomach.  I have found that drinking from a straw is the easiest thing on my new tummy...even though they say not to drink from a straw!  Every tummy is different I guess, and I am learning what my new one likes!

So thought I better blog now before I forgot the details. 

I flew out last Wed. 12/12/12 to San Diego where I was picked up by Abraham, and also got to meet Tonya & her mom Denise.  Tonya was scheduled for surgery the next day, but when she found out I was getting mine done that afternoon she decided that she also wanted to "get it over with".  Fortunately they were able to get her on the schedule, and so we both took off for the hospital.  At this point I was more hungry than nervous.  I had also been so scared that my hubby wouldn't be with me, but Denise was an answer to prayer.  She took me under her wing, and checked on me at least a dozen times, and even called my hubby once for me when I wasn't feeling up to it.  We got to the hospital around 4 (as far as I can remember) and after blood work and EKG, was done out of surgery by 3:30am.  Needless to say, I woke up in pain...l.ots of pain.  They kept telling me walk, but that was impossible.  I remember the pain of my last c-section when I had my tubes tied, and I laugh at what I then thought was pain.  It was NOTHING compared to this. I am a firm believer that pain medicine should be used quickly to get ahead of the pain, then taken routinely to stay on top of it, and then gotten off of as quickly as possible, However, I have learned that in Mexico, they do NOT have the same drugs we have, and theirs does NOT work as well.  So, surgery was Wed, I got out of the hospital on Saturday and was still in horrible pain, and honestly hadn't ever passed gas.  Since I was in Mexico, and you can buy ANYTHING in mexico, I would sent Abraham to buy some better pain killers.  However, all they had was Toradol (sp?) I thought surely I could get hydrocone or something!  Seriously, you can get cocaine, but not good pain killers?!?  So, this didn't really help my situation.  My flight was scheduled for Monday at 3pm, however our group was supposed to leave the hotel at 5am!!! This would mean being up and out of bed for 19 hours straight, and up until now I hadn't been up for more than an hour. Needless to say, I was terrified!!! The doctor agreed that this was more than I should attempt, so we made other arrangements to leave at 10am instead, which was a little better but I was still really nervous.  Here is the good thing about flying....it somehow (maybe the pressure?) caused all the gas to start moving.  I passed more gas in one flight than I have ever passed in all my days combined. Thank the Lord it wasn't smelly!  Guess I would have had to blame it on the old man next to me! :)  Needless to say, I finally made it home at midnight last night.  Exhausted, but overall much better than I thought I would be.  I am very thankful for the wonderful people at the airport who took me around via the wheelchair.  They were all so nice, and mad the trip possible!

So, here are my current issues:

Seems like I can drink something (like crystal lite) for a little bit, but then suddenly it is all wrong, and I get totally sick to my tummy. I switch flavors, and all is good again.

I am having a horrible time getting in enough fluids, and am getting dehydrated.  Drink too fast and I get sick, so I am trying to find the balance.  I will add in some protein shakes today, so hopefully that will help.

On  the bright side, I am down almost 15 pounds! (lost 4 pounds on the pre-op diet)

My journey has begun... I have scheduled and paid the deposit on my surgery and booked my flights.  The only person who knows about the surgery is my husband, and I probably won't be telling anyone else anytime soon.  I want so badly to tell my BFF, or other friends, but seem to always get the same responses..."you're beautiful the way you are", or "just be thankful you have your health" or "why would you want to risk you life to be skinny".  None of them understand.  I HATE the way I look and feel.  I just want to go for an annual fitness exam and be considered "normal weight".  So, whether they are aware or not, I will do this. 

I married my high school sweetheart when I was only 18.  We've been married 16 years and I really have never done anything without him.  However, in five weeks I will travel to Mexico, all alone....to have surgery, all alone.  This perhaps scares me more than anything.  At the same time, it is exciting to see myself do something for myself, by myself.  I hate the thought of being anywhere without him.  I can hardly stomach the thought of going into surgery without him there.  But I guess that we both need to know I can do this.  It shows how serious I am.  So, he will stay at home, with our four kids and wait for me to return....forever changed. 

I am strong in my faith, and know that God will be with me, and I hope to use some of the time in Mexico to spend in "quiet time" alone with the Lord. I will be depending on him for strength and courage both physically and mentally. 

I am so afraid of failure...because up until this point my weight loss journey has been filled with nothing but failure.  In the back of my mind I see myself as one of the statistics of people who doesn't lose weight, or who loses only a few pounds.  Then I will be stuck being overweight, and won't even be able to enjoy food! I know the statistics, but I still have the fear.  I generally get so discouraged when I only lose 1 pound a week after trying so hard on a new diet.  I quit because it doesn't seem worth it.  Now I won't have that choice.

So, if you are reading this, and you are a person of faith...I ask that you keep me in your prayers.  Pray for safe travels, successful surgery without complications, and for successful weight loss.