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Nov 05, 2012

My journey has begun... I have scheduled and paid the deposit on my surgery and booked my flights.  The only person who knows about the surgery is my husband, and I probably won't be telling anyone else anytime soon.  I want so badly to tell my BFF, or other friends, but seem to always get the same responses..."you're beautiful the way you are", or "just be thankful you have your health" or "why would you want to risk you life to be skinny".  None of them understand.  I HATE the way I look and feel.  I just want to go for an annual fitness exam and be considered "normal weight".  So, whether they are aware or not, I will do this. 

I married my high school sweetheart when I was only 18.  We've been married 16 years and I really have never done anything without him.  However, in five weeks I will travel to Mexico, all alone....to have surgery, all alone.  This perhaps scares me more than anything.  At the same time, it is exciting to see myself do something for myself, by myself.  I hate the thought of being anywhere without him.  I can hardly stomach the thought of going into surgery without him there.  But I guess that we both need to know I can do this.  It shows how serious I am.  So, he will stay at home, with our four kids and wait for me to return....forever changed. 

I am strong in my faith, and know that God will be with me, and I hope to use some of the time in Mexico to spend in "quiet time" alone with the Lord. I will be depending on him for strength and courage both physically and mentally. 

I am so afraid of failure...because up until this point my weight loss journey has been filled with nothing but failure.  In the back of my mind I see myself as one of the statistics of people who doesn't lose weight, or who loses only a few pounds.  Then I will be stuck being overweight, and won't even be able to enjoy food! I know the statistics, but I still have the fear.  I generally get so discouraged when I only lose 1 pound a week after trying so hard on a new diet.  I quit because it doesn't seem worth it.  Now I won't have that choice.

So, if you are reading this, and you are a person of faith...I ask that you keep me in your prayers.  Pray for safe travels, successful surgery without complications, and for successful weight loss.

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About Me
MO
Location
21.0
BMI
DS
Surgery
12/12/2012
Surgery Date
Nov 05, 2012
Member Since

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