B. McCoy

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

In the early toddler stage around age 3 or 4 I began to have serious convulsions. The convulsions were the "grand mal" type seizures. These seizures and convulsions were never explained but stopped after a medication was given. I was given a drug called "dilantin". I don't blame the drug for the obesity that would follow however, it may have been a catalyst to propel my life in another direction that it was intended. By the age of 5 I was already showing signs of serious weight gain. My weight had jumped 30% in just a few years.

Coming from a family that has both thin and obese members in the family tree my situation seemed to be one of "following in the footsteps" of the obese segment. My health was good but my weight continued to climb. My early years in grade school were not pleasant ones. It is not easy to be the "fat" kid. The fat kid is the one that is an easy mark for the more "normal" students. I attempted to become the class clown, the bully, the friend to all, anything that would keep the kids from making fun of me. It never succeeded. I was ridiculed more times than I can ever count in a lifetime. My nights were filled many times with tears and hatred. Anger does something to a young person. I was angry at the world and myself.

As a young boy I wanted to do the same things other boys did. I tried to ride bikes. But, my fat legs couldn't keep up. I tried to run. They always won. I sat in swings only to arise with chain marks on my legs. I remember always being picked last for any grade-school games. I recall hating gym class because I didn't want to have to run in front of others. I remember not being able to fit into the school desk with the table top that you slide into. I had to sit at a table top desk with a free standing chair. This just made my weight more obvious than it already was and made me feel less and less like the "normal" kids.

By the time I was 12 years old I weighed over 200 pounds. By now I was thinking of girls and cars. I loved sports. Especially football. I played football a few years. But, weight only served to slow me down and make look intimidating but have you ever seen and elephant run? It can, but it isn't pretty! I began to loose interest in sports over the next few years. Since I couldn't play them competitively why even play them. I tried other sports like bowling, swimming, etc. But, I always loved football as a kid. I always dreamed of playing football as a "pro". Sports became a just one of the things that I would deny myself over the next few years because I was unable to be "good" at them I didn't want to be laughed at for trying.

My teen years were the hardest of all. The life of an obese teenager is a horrid life to be sure. Peers can be the cruelest of all life's creatures. My life as an obese teen was full of broken-hearted attempts to date. I was rejected so many times that my very self esteem as a young man was in question at times. I have struggled to understand and accept that I am no longer that obese teenager. Because of the numerous rejections in asking out girls I got to the place in my life that I just stopped asking them out all-together. I couldn't take the rejection anymore. I have never published this anywhere but, I have decided to share one story about how it feels to be the fat teenager rejected by the opposite sex. In 1982-83 I met a girl who showed me a great amount of friendship. Of course, with this amount of attention it was easy for me to "fall" for her. I quickly tried to ask her to be my girlfriend. She cared about me and I know that she even loved me in that teenage kind-of way but, in the end she couldn't handle my size and she went on to date guys the whole while I remained her friend. 



In fact, I became quite skilled at being the 'counselor' for allot of the girls in school. Because I was safe the guys never questioned their girlfriends talking to me and because the girls always got hurt by the "pretty" boys they would come to me for friendship. I cannot tell you how many nights I was on the phone until the wee hours of the morning calming a girl down who's boyfriend had cheated, lied, etc. All the while I was "screaming on the inside…"Hey, I am right here…I am a good guy…I won't do that!" The girls never heard those silent screams nor did they wipe away my tears when I hung up the phone alone and sad. I can tell you that during this time in my life I used anything I could to hide my shame of obesity. I turned to drugs, alcohol, pornography, and finally when I had reached as low as I could go I turned to the Church. At age 16, I accepted Christ. I found in the Church a sense of community and acceptance that I needed. The fellowship of the church however, did not solve my problem of morbid obesity. If there is one that church folks love to do is eat. The only "acceptable" vice in the church is food. For me, church was a perfect "fit" offering me acceptance, love, community, and food. My weight continuing to climb I graduated high school weighing about 350+ lbs. I immediately went to college and began taking classes. I recall that I weighed just over 400 in 1988.(age 19) Upon graduation from college I returned home to Waycross, Ga. I was married on July 23, 1993. I weighed approximately 450 lbs. Although my married life offered me the emotional acceptance that I was looking for, marriage could not stop my weight from climbing to its apex of 626 lbs in 2002.

At some point in my life I realized that I could no longer blame anyone or expect for anyone or anything to solve my weight problem for me. I silently decided that it was better to die than to live obese. My life had been reduced to 7 years of social security benefits and no physical health to work, play, or otherwise. Gaining weight became very easy as my lifestyle was reduced to the computer, the television, and church attendance. From 1993 to 2002 I gained weight from 450 lbs to 626 lbs. The process was slow enough that I didn't even realize that my life had eroded with the weight. I found myself unable to put on my own socks, unable to properly clean myself after bathroom visits. I became fatigued just walking to the car or the kitchen. Life became a series of short planned activities. I remember wishing I would die in my sleep. Joy and hope had left my life. I never thought I would ever be able to feel "normal". Having never been small I never felt normal in my life. So, chasing the invisible hope of "normalcy" became a dream.

In January 2002 I came to the point in my physical life that I could no longer accept my size anymore. I was ready to make a life change. I met a friend who had undergone gastric bypass surgery. I began speaking to her about the procedure. After seeing her pictures and going to ObesityHelp.com I made the decision to consult a physician. At the time of my initial consult my weight was 626 with a BMI [Body mass index] of 101.5 My surgeon, Dr. Stanley De Turris told me "your approved for surgery we just need to get you scheduled." On July 31, 2002 I had RNY [open] gastric bypass surgery. My weight at time of surgery 588 [I lost 40 lbs prior to surgery on Atkins Diet].

My surgery was very uneventful. My recovery was slow. I developed an incision line infection. This required packing and to be left open. Daily visits from the nurse only served to slow down my desire to be free. However, after some weeks the infection was gone and I was able to begin reclaiming my life. I lost 200 lbs in just over 6 months. As soon as I reached the 400 lbs mark I decided to go back to work. From March 2003 to March 2004 I lost 125 more lbs brining my total weight-loss to 341 lbs.

So many life changes took place within the 18 - 24 month mark that I cannot recount all of them. However, I can tell you that my BMI dropped to 45. My waist dropped from a 72-74 inches pant to a 46 pant. I began walking and riding bikes. My activity level increased 1000 fold. I actually spent and entire day [about 5 hours or more] walking the mall in Fayetteville, North Carolina. I walked into every store "just cause". I loved that day. I have it stored in my heart as a personal-victory-day. My life has become full of personal victory days! I go dancing as often as I can. My life has gotten as close to normal as a 285 lbs man can expect.

Today, I am free. All of the past encumbrances are being removed from my life. I am excited to be alive and live my life to fullest. I regret the years that were digested by obesity. I regret that I waited so long to make a life decision to have surgery. I regret that I caused others to "suffer" with me. I regret that in my quest to be free others were unable to accept the new me. My recent separation and divorce are a result of the many changes in my life. I want to thank all those who stayed with me during the changes: my mother, father, and brother have all stood by me without judging me. However, I have always offered myself to be a "help" for others. That is why I have dedicated my life to help others fight obesity

n March of 2004 just after accepting the position of outreach manager for ObesityHelp I began to live part-time in Irvine, California. My life was in total transition and I was making decisions about my future. As the pounds continued to melt away from my body I began to 'self-examine' and ask myself "who am I?", "why did I make that decision?" and "Is my life the way I want it?" The more of these questions I asked myself the more I was stunned at the answers.

For years I had spent my life making decisions based on my size and didn't even realize it. My life had be controlled by how many pounds I put on the scale. Think about it for a second. If you get up in the morning and weigh yourself and the scales show a decrease, don't you feel good that day? Now, what happens if the scales aren't kind that morning and you see increase? You feel terrible right? You even get depressed, right? Well imagine a life of 33 years where the scale were never decreasing but just like a mountain climber my weight constantly increased. Imagine how many days my life was filled of personal shame and quilt. These emotions led to an eating compulsion or disorder. Food became both my nemesis and my comfort. It was a constant. It was always there. It didn't judge me. I loved me and it wanted me to have it! But, the more food I ingested the more guilt I felt and the more my life was being controlled by food.

My decision were all based on how much I weighed. Imagine for a moment a shopping trip buy clothes at age 15. I was living in Atlanta and going to Sr. High school as a Freshman. The time came to buy clothes and my father took me to a store and we looked for pants. We couldn't find any at the store and the clerk suggested going to a Big and Tall shop. We arrived at the shop and looked at the clothes. Why is it that all big and tall clothes look like they were sewn during the 40's? Everything is dark and grey and nothing is stylish. So, I bought what was available. Now, imagine its time for lunch and your father wants to stop for lunch. We stop at a fast-food restaurant and much to my horror the seats are all those swivel type with enough room for any normal person but, I quickly 'sized' it up and decided it was a 'no go'. So I did what any other obese person would do I scanned the room really fast and found the only pull-out chair that could be found. It was always my luck that someone who looked like a size zero had plopped down in that only chair I could sit in. Getting to "go" sounds like a plan. How many times in my life did I get to go because my body decided I couldn't fit in the chairs? How many times did I go through drive-through to avoid the stares of others? How many times had I said to myself "nope can't eat there, only booths in there."? My decisions were being made for me.

So was it just clothes and food? Heavens no! Lets look at a few more areas about my life that were decided for me some might even shock you. How about automobiles? How about carnivals? How about walking malls? How about who to ask out? How about what career to have?


Let me describe for you the horror of buying a car while obese. I was in the market to purchase a car in 91 so I took what cash I had and began looking for a deal. I went down to the car lot and attempted to fit into the smaller more sporty cars. They were just too tight for me. I tried just about everything. Cars, trucks, vans, etc. I only found a few cars and truck that 'fit' me. I felt like I was shopping for clothes again. "No, that doesn't fit me in the 'hips' to shallow or to low to ground" Geeze who knew buying a car was not one-size fits all? I quickly found out that being obese meant limited choices in cars. Later on in adulthood I experienced this to the extreme when I weighed 600lbs. I went to a lot to find only 1 vehicle that worked for me and it was way out of my price range. I finally had to find a used car lot and purchase a mini-van with tilt steering and bucket seats that reclined all the way back to second row. Add driving and automobiles to the list of things that weight was no in control of.

How about shopping, malls, and carnivals? Well, as a teen-ager I loved the mall. The guys would all go and 'hang' and look at girls. So, we guys would walk the malls and look at girls while they walked the mall and looked in mirrors and pretended to not see us. Of course an obese teen-ager is not hard to miss. However, in fairness their were other large teenagers in the mall but, that might be the subject for another writing. So there I am in the mall and life is grand. There are cookies, music, girls, sporting goods, and an arcade. What more could a guy want? I remember I loved the mall. But, as my life continued on from teen-age to adulthood my weight climbing and climbing I stopped going to the mall and didn't return for more than 7 years. The mall was not the only victim. Add Wal-Mart, Kroger, any store larger than a convenient store was considered to big and I just couldn't walk it. If I did make it to Wal-Mart I dashed in a grab my 'loot' and took my buggy to the photo-lab or the pharmacy where there were benches for waiting. Add shopping to our list of things that obesity was now in control of.