Up's and down's

Jan 18, 2009

Well I think WLS and Menopause are vying for who gets to control my emotions. I can cry or laugh at the drop of a hat.
What gets me is that I go through periods where I am so happy at the weight I have lost and then I hit a wall where I am crying over why I haven't lost more. Maybe Dr. Schram didn't cause enough malabsorption when he did the surgery??? Maybe he should have used up more of my small intestines as a conduit and took it out of the absorptive process. Then again maybe I should be happy that the weight is coming off slowly because be all reports that is the kind of weight that stays off.  BUT what if I stop losing before I get to goal? What if I stay fat forever because as the doc says I have NO metabolism naturally. I would be the person that survived a famine! Like who wants to survive a famine??? I am impatient I know. I am so happy to have finally topped 60 pounds as that was always kind of a goal for real weight loss to me. If you can lose 60 pounds that is REAL weight loss.  I have hit many other little goals too. I am no longer the heaviest person in the family, I'm not even 2nd.  I can hardly wait to be 4th heaviest because that will mean that all the men in the family are heavier than me. I can sit with my legs crossed which still thrills me. That's because my gut is not as big an obstacle as it used to be. I can do things with my hubby that didn't used to be possible and I'll let your imaginations run with that. I'm not providing details. I have finally bought myself a size 18  pair of jeans. That is the first normal size I have bought in years. (Normal is a size you can buy in any store. Not a size people normally wear. ) I want to get down a little more to really claim the normal store shopping prize though because I am just at the beginning of size 18. However my mom picked me up some undies and things in Florida and the size 18/20 are bordering on too big.  I am being told by coworkers that my uniforms look like sacks and as I have been promoted to Head Nurse on my floor they think I should look more professional.  They are not being mean about it, I think they are excited for me and enjoying my success. Everyday someone says they think I am smaller than the last time they worked with me. I get a lot of positive feedback.
I wish mt shape would change though. I know it's smaller but it's still the same shape. I definitely have a bit of dysmorphia.  I want to feel little.  And I would like to start being a little more active with exercising but all this darned SNOW is holding me back. I'm thinking an exercise video may be in order. Maybe that will kick up the weight loss too. Wish me luck!!!

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