Kim B
ObesityHelp.com: Making the Journey Together
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| Kim B Twilight Zone, USA Post Op - BMI: 21.5 Surgery Type: RNY - proximal Member ID: B1019513868 Contact: Click here to send a Personal Message Surgeon: Pablo Gazmuri, M.D. |
Click here for Kim's surgery support page Click here for Before & After pictures page Click here for the 06/2003 Reunion Page Click here to print Kim's cards (You can print your own cards, and if you're good at it, you can help print cards for your friends as well!) Click here to view your friends. |
129 pounds .... beyond my wildest dream!
POISON
True Freedom on a Harley
Welcome
I despise being fat. I got in my friend's hot tub and overflowed it, then nearly suffocated on my own boobs from them floating up over my nose. I only care to look at my face and hair which I think are cool. So, I fantasize throughout my day that I am thin. Until, I turn around and knock over the end-cap display of Fruit Loops at the grocery store with my ass. I think how the hell did my ass reach that far?! My name is Kim and I am morbidly obese. I have been on every diet that exists BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH and have played the lose weight, gain it back plus-more game more times than Madonna has changed hair colors. Poor Richard Simmons. I am currently using his "Deal a Meal" cards as "coasters" for my couch legs to protect the floor. I would like to have him and his mother over for dinner though. In the past year, I have realized that surgery will be the only way for me to get healthy. While getting a mammogram last year, I came out of the dressing room having to wear two gowns to cover up with. I was laughing about it with another woman in the waiting room. Yeah, and a big HA HA HA HA to YOU too. She said to me, "5 months ago, I was wearing two gowns too, but I had weight reduction surgery and have lost a ton of weight already". I asked her for her surgeons name and she gladly gave it to me along with her phone number. I said I don't know if I am ready to go that route. She looked at me with the most honest eyes and said "you will". For a year I looked at that piece of paper with Dr. Thayer's name on it. It annoyed me sometimes and intrigued me others. I did some research. Now, I realize the woman was in the waiting room for a reason and I am ready to make my move. So here I am at the beginning of my journey - won't you join me?
I read the above entry and I feel so bad for that person .... who, by the way, doesn't exist anymore ..... life is wonderful
April 22, 2002
I faxed in the registration form to Dr. Thayer's office. I called to make sure they got it, I got the feeling the office is really busy but Sally was pleasant and said Sue will call Thursday afternoon to set up a consultation appointment with me. Meanwhile, I am planning on attending one of their support group meetings soon. I also have a call in to my physician to see if she will give me a referral if necessary. Update, my physician called me back this afternoon and was so positive about my decision. She will gladly provide anything that is needed to the insurance company or surgeon. What a relief!
April 26, 2002
They faxed me instead of called. They have an appointment August 28th! That is four months away just for a consultation? This sucks.
April 29, 2002
I spoke to Susan At Dr. Gazmuri's (Dr. Thayer's Partner) office and she has me on a cancellation waiting list to get in earlier. She was very nice and didn't make me feel like a pain in the butt for calling.
April 30, 2002
I just received the packet in the mail to fill out before my consultation. Now I see why they schedule close to four months in advance. I am going to need all that time to fill all this paperwork out!
May 9, 2002
I finally had the nerve to talk to DH about this. He said he supports me but is scared. So, I printed out the letter addressed to "Significant Others" from a man who went through this with his wife. He was so glad to get it. I don't know if he read it yet. Uh, nope, he lost it.
I am a free spirit that wants OUT of these chains that have held me down for so long.
A really relate to the song by Puddle Of Mud - Come Clean CD called "Drift and Die".
Forgotten, thoughts of yesterdaze, through my eyes I see the past,
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, why,
I believe, I believe In the truth from inside,
go away, go away, go away from me, leave me alone,
ignorance spreads lies, how much will money buy, well I'll take my time, as I drift and Die,
Unwanted, live my life in shame, who's to blame for my mistakes,
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know why, I believe, I believe in the truth from inside,
go away go away go away from me and leave me alone,
Ignorance spreads lies, how much will money buy, well I'll take my time, as I drift and die.
May 14, 2002
Okay, I know I was being dramatic in my last update. Moods, who can figure them out? Anyway, my picture showed up and it makes me laugh because I took it of myself. I wanted to send a picture to an AMOS friend so she could get an idea of what I look like. I felt like such a DORK taking it! I don't usually do pictures. If someone takes one of me, I usually make a call to my "connected" friends for a "hit". Of course, not for the person, just for their camera. I'm still working on that mountain of paperwork.
May 25, 2002
DH is with me. He said that we are a team and will do this together. (That ended up being a load of shit). I'm still working on that mountain of paperwork.
May 29, 2002
Ordinary day, until the toilet overflowed. Well, it didn't REALLY overflow, it just felt like it should have and it wouldn't have made a bit of difference. Pondering why people look through me and not at me. Do they think upon making eye contact, I will leap out at them and force them to wear my fat? Why do people think fat people can't hear? I DO have rolls, but not covering my ears!
June 5, 2002
Phones, ya gotta love them. I called my insurance co. today to ask them about a prescription, so the unsuspecting chap on the other end had no idea he was talking to a MO person. You see, I try to make my voice sound as "slim" as possible. Anyway, I decided while I had this guy thinking I was some kind mysterious thin customer just inquiring about her drugs, I would go out on a limb and find out where they stand on covering Bariatric surgery. He didn't hang up on me! I mean, I may have heard a cough or two, but once he recovered, he said that IT IS COVERED and is sending me a few forms that my surgeon will have to fill out as well as some additional info I will need for them to approve.
August 21, 2002
Attended my first support group meeting last night. At first, I was in a state of panic. I kept thinking I didn't belong there and was checking my butt cheeks to see if they hung off the seat as much as the girl in front of me. Well, they did. So, I got a grip on myself and ended up having a great time. I met the nutritionist, psychologist, two surgeons and a bunch of really nice people. My buddy Leslie came with me and she thought it was great too. My consultation is next week. Mom was here again and still thinks I can do this on my own. Hey, now that's an idea! I haven't heard that one before.
August 28, 2002
Had my consultation today with Dr. Gazmuri. It was four hours long! I had the psychologist appointment, the nutritionist appointment, watched a film, saw the surgeon and had blood drawn. Dr. Gazmuri was extremely nice as was his staff. He answered my million questions very thoroughly and patiently! I cannot gain any weight before surgery or he will postpone it. I need to start exercising as best I can now. He wants to see that I am taking this seriously. I will be sent my surgery date within two to three weeks. They were remodeling their office so I'm a little nervous about the organization! Please don't lose my file!!!!!
September 11, 2002
I haven't heard about my surgery date yet. I bet it will be soon. Book club last night. Went to a restaurant called Spanky's which is right on the harbor. Fun, well, as fun as it can be when you aren't comfortable in your clothing and you get stuck in the chair.
September 24, 2002
I got the letter that Blue Cross/Blue Shield of Iowa has approved my surgery - I broke out in a rash when I saw this letter. I am freaking out I am so happy.
September 27, 2002
I got to talk to my brother today. He is apprehensive but kind of excited at the prospect of me getting healthy. I gave him this website information and am thrilled he is interested enough to check it out.
October 18, 2002
I am having a Halloween party in my garage next Saturday and I'm having the best time decorating! DH hung black material all around the garage and I have a bunch of props to decorate with. We are going to be 60's hippies and a bunch of people are coming over. Not many people know about my surgery - and I like it that way. This way, I can have fun and be "me" without wondering what people are thinking. I will always remember someone saying be careful who you tell because you can't "untell" someone!
November 7, 2002
Wow, the Halloween party was an absolute riot. Everybody forgot their troubles, came into the garage and danced their butts off under the strobe lights! I went to check in with my surgeon. He requires an appointment between the first and surgery date to make sure no weight has been gained. I got lucky and somehow lost 4 pounds (maybe all the dancing!). So, I am good to go. Tonight I am attending a support group meeting with one of my friends, Karen, who I chose to tell about this. She is the best! I'll treat her to some good sushi after the meeting! Sushi is the way to her heart! Yesterday was mine and DH's 10 year wedding anniversary and we took a ride to check out these unbelievable summer cottages on the beach to rent in the summer. I am so excited that I can actually look forward to being on the beach this summer! The waiting for this is very difficult - I want it done today! Oh yeah, my mom came up for a visit and we had a great time - no arguing. She bought me three-pound hand weights that I use while sitting in a comfy chair talking or watching the tube. My surgeon said if I am afraid to walk (which I am because I don't want to break or sprain my ankle AGAIN) to do some curls with these weights and at least get my arm strength going if for nothing else than to be able to lift myself easier after surgery to get into bed, etc. LATER!
November 8, 2002
Karen and I attended a support group meeting at Newton-Wellsley last night. The guest speaker was Gregg who started off 10 months ago weighing 450 lbs and now weighs 220. What an inspiration! I met some really great people last night too - everyone is so willing to give. I guess we all just "know" what the others deal with on a day-to-day basis. I am more excited than ever to get this surgery. After, we went to this beautiful mall and did some Christmas shopping and had A LOT OF LAUGHS! I truly believe if we can all try and find the humor in our situations, it does not diminish the seriousness of it, it just helps us go through it with a better attitude.
November 14, 2002
I just heard from an AMOS friend who I wondered about for months because I hadn't heard anything about her since before her surgery and I couldn't find her name or any information! She got in touch with me last night and has been through HORRENDOUS complications. Septic shock, coma, rehab, the whole bit. She is lucky to be alive. She STILL says it was worth it - she is down 80 pounds or so. What an angel!
November 15, 2002
Funny how I said yesterday that Jenny was an angel because she has happily accepted my invitation to be my angel!!!!! I am so excited to have such a special, strong and brave person on my side. I feel so honored.
December 6, 2002
Time sure does fly! Yesterday my supportive friend, Karen, drove me to the hospital 1 1/2 hours for my pre-ops. She then went to Boston to get her $500 hair cut and Ann Taylor shopping fix. ha ha ha ha ha ha. We had been planning on going to Faux Pastures for some fabulous Vietnamese cuisine but we couldn't risk it due to a snowstorm - we had to head home. I was waiting for Karen to come and pick me up and she arrives WITH our favorite item from the restaurant! She had doubled parked in Boston and run in to grab our famous crepe we are addicted to. She was my hero - this is the one thing I wanted to have before my surgery. We sat in the car eating and moaning from the sheer delicacy. Then, we spent the next 4 hours in the car riding home! She did a great job driving - she is the only person I know who can navigate her way through the city, drive in a blizzard, not be wearing her glasses, have the computer man in the car blurting out "20 miles until gas tank empty" and calmly talk on her cell phone to her hysterical mother who cannot make it to the bus stop to pick up her son in time because her dog is in the front seat of the car having a nervous breakdown, she is sliding around on the roads and first has to drop off some left-overs to someone's house who forgot to bring them home from an event. Whewwwww! She is super-woman. My pre-ops went very well. I am all set for 12/12. I can't wait. Mary the nurse and something Kim the student doctor are my new best friends. Oh yeah, no matter what anyone says, shave your legs before your pre-ops - I was caught quite unprepared shall we say - poor Dr. Kim will never be the same. My profile entries got zapped here and I can't seem to update . . . a year and a half has passed and I am 15 pounds from goal.
March 30, 2004
Well, I went into a hot tub again for the first time since my first entry into this profile. The only thing floating up over my face this time was my t-shirt which I promptly whipped off without hesitation! I go for a plastic surgery consultation on may 3 - very exciting.
April 8, 2004
I just got home from rolling dice with the girls. I got so many nice compliments - I am wearing my new pink pants from the Gap - they are so cute and I am comfortable in them! So nice to be comfortable in clothing again - especially clothing that zippers and buttons! Not just pull on elastic waists! Or, tableclothes with holes cut in them for my head! Life is good . .. real good.
May 29, 2004
I am in a solid size 14. WOW! My new hot tub came today and the patio starts being built on June 1st. This is going to be a hell of a summer - I am ready to participate for once! I can finally actually relax - and really feel RELAXED - do you know what I mean? Before, when I looked like I was relaxing, there was always a little agitation or depression mixed in - whether it be because of my weight, or uncomfortable clothing, guilt, etc. Now, my mind is free and clear . . . . I am in control of my life!
June 1, 2004
August 15, 2003
Just got home from two weeks at my mom's beach house. I had the BEST time . . . I beachcombed a lot for sea glass - found a bunch. I wore a bathing suit and didn't try and cover up every time I got up from my chair. I took my kids and their cousins to the pier and went on a ROLLER COASTER - oh man, looking down from the top at the crashing Atlantic ocean waves was more nauseating than when I tried eating some salt water taffy. BLAH! As soon as the guy put the bar down over me in my seat I thought "ok, I fit . . . so, ummmm, let me out now" NOOOOO!
My weight still slowly comes off, but everything at this point is just gravy. I am happier and healthier than I can ever remember. Planning a hernia repair and Panniculectomy in September. I am finally free . . . . . .
August 23, 2004
Friends are so important - relationships are what keep us all going. I recently met an awesome person here and we were talking about why there are instant connections among us so often. We thought that it is because we've all walked in each other's shoes. There is something so different (and amazing) about being able to say to someone "yeah, I suffered in so many ways being MO" and have them understand EXACTLY what you are talking about because so have they! What a difference from telling someone who hasn't been there before - they can only try to "imagine".
September 6, 2004
A few people have asked me to fill in the blanks a bit from when my profile information fell into the deep dark abyss. I started off this journey SMO. I swear most of those pounds were in my boobs - but, I guess that isn't possible. I now weigh 145. I did have one complication. Three months after surgery, I developed a radiating pain a while after eating and I could eat too much (like a whole chicken breast). An upper GI showed I had developed a fistula, which is a tunnel, between my old and new stomachs. The pain was caused by the stomach acid flowing from my old stomach into the new - OUCH! My surgery had to be redone. I had to wait three months for this to happen. I felt like my life was over - I couldn't believe I had been through all of that and it wasn't going to work for me. I had to go through it all AGAIN. This blew my mind for awhile. I am proud to say during that three month time, I didn't go off the deep end with food. I actually managed to lose 11 pounds - which is a really big deal when all of a sudden I am "allowed" to eat Twinkies again and many of them! I kept a grip on myself, paced myself, told myself that it was just a bump in the road. Positive self talk is so key! Finally my second surgery came - it was a MUCH easier recovery even though the surgery itself was a bit more dangerous. My surgeon got rid of the stubborn little tunnel and stapled me back up. I was ready to continue this ride. I have gone through so many changes not only physically but mentally as well. I am finding myself again. My true self. I play the piano with a passion I just couldn't give before. I am able to be a friend like I've never been before. I am a great mom. I have a greater appreciation for the taste of food. I love to cook even more now. Things are special to me now because I allow myself to appreciate. I look up at the sky and marvel at its beauty and wonder about stuff. I am independent and love to be by myself - I know that is okay! I have been through my share of crap in this life. Now I am so much better equipped to move on . . . . . .
September 13, 2004
I just went shopping for a robe and slippers for my hospital stay on Thursday. I am so excited to have this done. My panniculectomy will be me coming full circle on this journey. I also would like to get the "girls" lifted - but I'm afraid I'll only be left with a B cup . . . that would be downright bizarre for me - I started with DD! I don't think I would get implants - but I never say never anymore. I will also be glad to get rid of this hernia I have. It sticks out a little bit and hurts sometimes - not as much as when it first happened but I can feel it. I want to be able to do ab work and not be worried about it. My buds at the gym gave me big hugs today and said that they will really miss me around there. I wondered why - but didn't ask - LOL! Self confidence issues much? ha ha ha. But, it made me feel really good . . . I told them to come and visit me at home - please! One more thing before I call it a night - I want to say thanks to my very special friend who knows where I've been, has been there also and we're climbing out together . . ****smile***** thanks . . . . .
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September 20, 2004
I'm Home! My panniculectomy and hernia repair went smoothly. I'm home and comfortable as can possibly be. No complaints. I have stiches from hip bone to hip bone and around my new belly button. I'm not planning on taking pics - yuck! Pain meds are working wonderfully and if I only take 1/2 dose don't screw my head up too much. My friend Erin brought me some reading material - a cosmo mag, and a book called "The Penis". She should have known better than to bring me something that would make me laugh like that - the cover is just a big yellow banana. Open it up and well, you know . . . . stuff about "them". Problem is my kids are attracted to the banana on the cover and are curious what is inside - oh man . . . . anyway, back to the surgery. Three pounds of skin were taken off. My hospital stay was incredible - I'm in love with my nurse Moe . . . . she was the best mix of stern and nice I could ask for. When she had me sit up, she told me straight up that it was going to hurt like hell - but she was right there and would help me through it. She also seemed to really like me and care for me. Man, is she in the right profession. She was amazing - I will be sending her a little note to let her know this. So, that is about it for now. My journey continues - next it is the "girls" - they need a lift. Consultation on Oct. 3rd I believe. The beat goes on . . . . . .
September 25, 2004
I felt like sharing some "stuff" I've written in no particular order ranging from a long time ago to today . . . .
"I am finally free, found the key, now I'm running, what should I do, I've been down for so long, build a wall, real big real strong? It's safe in there, but lonely as well, safe but lonely - no way, that is surely hell" 1983
"She wants to look into your eyes, drink in your soul, fight your battles, it takes its toll, like a wildflower on a river bank, sitting in the sun, holds eternity in her face, delicate and unique - only one, the clouds will come and hope can fade, she is a constant throughout, never would trade, she cannot run, too deep in the ground, roots flow free, twisting around, in her fragile stem there is hope, strength to be shared when you can't cope, you'll be okay and you'll make your mark, like warm breath on glass, at night in the dark" today
Why Teach Music?
Music is a science: It is exact, specific and must be 100% correct - 99% is no good. It is unalterable. It demands exact acoustics.
Music is mathematical: It is rhythmically based on the subdivision of time in space into fractions which must be done instantaneously and not worked out on paper.
Music is a foreign language: Most of the terms are in Italian, German, or French and the notation of notes certainly is not English, but a highly developed kind of shorthand.
Music is History: Since music has always reflected the environment and times of its creation - often even the country or racial feeling.
Music is physical education: It requires fantastic coordination of fingers, hands, arms; lip, cheek and facial muscles in addition to extraordinary control of the diaphramatic, back, stomach and chest muscles which must respond instantly to the sounds the ear hears and the mind interprets.
Music is all of these things, but most of all music is an art.
It allows a human being to take all of these dry, technically boring (but fantastically difficult) techniques and use them to create emotion!
That is the one thing science cannot duplicate - humanism or feeling or emotion or call it what you will.
That is why we teach music -
not because we expect you to major in music
not because we expect you to play music all your life
not so you can relax
not so you can have fun
not so you can trot around the football field in a uniform
But: so you will be human
so you will recognize beauty
so you will be sensitive
so you will be closer to an infinite beyond this world
so that you'll have something to cling to
so that you will have more love, more compassion, more gentleness, more good, in short more life.
Of what value will it be to make a prosperous living unless you know how to live?
That's why I teach music.
My friend, Erin's dad Daniel Mooney was the most awesome musician and music teacher ever. He wrote this in Oct. of '62. He is missed by so many - even those that never met him. I did meet him once and he has influenced my life in ways I can't describe.
What does any of this have to do with weight loss? Prepare yourself for emotions that have been hiding. They come out as your layers of protection come off, exposing all that you are - really are. You can choose to scramble and hide them in a different way or let yourself be seen and shine.
October 28, 2004
Hey everyone! Things are going awesome for me - I wear a 7/8 somtimes 9/10 pants, I'm working out all the time and have energy to spare. I've even turned into one of those people who shakes their leg while they sit - LOL . . . always moving! I've made so many great friends here - thank you to everyone for your support and love.
November 9, 2004
WOW - yes WOW. I just got back from DC with the gang. Time shared with new friends was priceless - You were all amazing. I plan to write in my journal a detailed "diddy" about each of you so that I remember you always. Kari a.k.a. belching queen, Ted a.k.a. Chandler Bing, LA a.k.a. my cutie, Gina a.k.a. ass jeans boobie shirt lady, David a.k.a. scavenger and musketeer 1, Scott a.k.a. high five & musketeer 2, Rick a.k.a. PERV and practical joke player, Track a.k.a. kayaking talented guitar playing wild hippy - so much more, Nannette a.k.a. Annette Scavuzzo banana lady, you are all strong, beautiful souls - I am a better person having met you and I feel like my journey is more complete than ever. Peace.
January 11, 2005
Hey Everyone! It's been awhile. I am still doing great - down to 139 pounds today - loose 7/8 jeans - oh yeah! Working out at the gym and doing my thing still. Protein, water, exercise - those three things are key. Took a few pics - full body shots - wow - that is a new one for me - I would never want anyone to see me like that but I realize that it can give a lot of people hope so here I am - letting it all hang out. Check them out at the bottom of this. If I can ever help you with anything at all, let me know. If you are a pre-op and reading this, I've been in your shoes - If I can do it, you can too - we are no different than one another.
February 6, 2005
I just ate 10 m&m's and 10 pretzels for breakfast. What the heck is THAT all about? After all this time, it is scary to see how the old habits just show up ready to kick down my door. I have a lot going on in my life (wonderful and not so wonderful)and I am scared to see that I still fall back on stuffing my emotions down with food. Food that has no integrity whatsoever. There is one difference though. Before, it would have been a pound of m&m's and a bag of pretzels. Now, I think I'll go drink some water and focus on the positive.
March 3, 2005
I am way down in weight - got as low as 130 pounds, too much exercise! No, not really. I am trying to put some back on now. 135 is good for me. In order to do that, I need to eat - and I'm not talking about jujyfruits! Protein! I'll be good, promise.
April 8, 2005
I went to my surgeon today for a check up. An hour drive each way so it was nice to be in my car by myself and think. My friend had surgery today so I had that on my mind - hoping all went well ..... then I heard it went okay so I was relieved. Had a heart to heart with my surgeon about what has been going on in my life ..... he hears this stuff all the time and was a good guy to talk to. He gave me great advice. Then, he looked at my belly - laughed when he saw my piercing - told me to "get that out of there". He sounded like my FATHER! I said "no way - I like it, it's pretty". I love having something actually be attractive about my tummy - I've hid it all my life - now it is time for me to have a sexy belly! Then I went shopping at the outlets to get my shopping addiction fix. Yes, I have switched addictions .... from eating to shopping - in a serious way - LOL. I have more clothes than Paris Hilton.
April 27, 2005
Hey everyone .... I haven't updated in a while so I thought I would. My weight holds steady between 135-140. When I reach 140 I back it down a bit ..... my exercise routine is key. Two hours, 5-6 days a week. An hour of cardio and an hour of light weight/resistance training plus chit chatting with all my buddies at the gym. At home, we are getting ready for our college baseball player to come live with us for June, July and August. We don't know who it is yet, but will soon. In the meantime, I am living life - making up for lost time. It's me against the world - one thing I do know to be true - I am finally free ..... my head has finally caught up with my body and it feels so wonderful. To look in the mirror and see me the way others do is so cool. My head is no longer fat, but I will never forget where I came from. I appreciate my health every day - each time I am kicking ass at the gym, running around with my kids, dancing at a club, mountain biking, getting second glances from men, pulling on my 5/6 or 7/8 pants and small tops, jump roping in the driveway, shootin' baskets with neighborhood kids, tying my shoes, walking with pep in my step, feeling sexy in jeans and a t-shirt ohhhhh you get the point - I could go on and on. Affairs of the heart are a different story - things can get really complicated and sad. But, I'll save that for a different time. In the meantime, I forge ahead .... with a smile on my face and a special place in my heart for all those in my life past and present.
June 27, 2005
Hi everyone - I am anxiously awaiting my next visit to my plastic surgeon at the end of July. I am planning to have a full lower body lift and up the sides. If you look at my before picture, I was really big in back. So, there is a lot of extra skin hanging around. He is planning on taking some of the side stuff and putting it into my boobs to take them from a b cup to a c. Most people who see me say I am nuts to have another procedure .... but this is all so personal and I know what I want .... and I will do it. Completing this journey is very important to me - and that includes getting this extra baggage the heck off my body. I then will be the size 2/3 that I should be .... I am now a 5/6 or 7/8. So, I will be a 34C breast (all natural - no implant) and size 2/3 bottom - holy S***! Then, the last thing I would do, is my upper inner thighs. Then, put a fork in me, done.
So, I continue to exercise, and work on me - w
