Aunt Pam

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Last summer during my annual check up, the mamogram found some itty bitty tiny weeny spots, not even hardly visable in the microscope.. but here since Aug 2nd - my wls - I have been shrinking, they... the itty bitty tiny weeny spots have been growing much too fast.  I go in for surgery to remove a 2" diamitor portion of my left breast tomarrow.  I know things will be just fine, but a small part of me fears that - like my sister, I will have cancer too.  One other thing I worry about is that I might stop breathing again in the operating room... I am trying to relax now.  Just my luck I am having a pain day today.

The doctor insisted my husband be ther with me so he is having to take the day of work, luckly he is not too upset about it.  I feel in good hands.  

Maybe I was not made to live a day to day life... but rather a life filled with blended days that emesh into my reality.  

Each breath I take reminds me of the pain that crawls within my back.  Today I notice that the pain has not reached down my hip nor is it shooting down my leg.... I am blessed with a pause today, a day to clear my mind and maybe catch up from all that I have missed these past blended days.  After loosing over 100 pounds you might think that my pain would have decrease.. but no such luck for a degenerative injury such as mine.  

But today I woke up with a lower pain level. And to me that is a bit of utopian dream I did not let go to pot.  I smile as I think of all the things I had hoped to do today and all that I did.  Reflecting back  the most important was calling my daughter and sister.  Then I followed my heart and wrote to an Aunt a just thinking of you card.  And maybe others might say, atleast she took a shower!

Tonight, it is hard to keep the pain in control, but then this is my life and as I sit here I can't help think that maybe by tomarrow I will be given another day where my to do list will not be clouded with pain.  As I blend into tomarrow, I pray I will accomplish that which my heart is lead to and maybe another shower!